We are 4 months into discovery/ending of affair and doing about as well as can be expected. I removed my wedding rings the day after my H told me about his affair and replaced them with my "traveling" wedding band that I wear when I don't want to risk losing the real things. I can't seem to bring myself to put them back on and I am really sickened when I see his (you can guess that if he couldn't be bothered to go to a hotel or wear a condom that he couldn't be bothered to remove his ring when he was "with" her). We had a family vacation planned for just a few weeks after discovery that we went on - and before we left I said we should shop for new rings (we could tell folks we got them as a remembrance of our trip) - well he never brought it up and I was having a hard enough time trying to keep it together in front of our kids so that opportunity passed. <P>Two weeks ago I took off the traveling band, thinking he would notice and get the hint. No luck. This past weekend I just told him to give me his wedding ring - he gave it to me no questions asked. The next day he asked why we were no longer wearing our rings. I pointed out to him that I had not been wearing even the traveling band for over 2 weeks and that I wanted to have new ones made. He wondered what we should tell people - at which point I held my tongue (very difficult and looks pretty funny )although it really bothered me that this was what he was worried about ! <P>So the question is - how many of you have gotten new rings or did this bother you for just a short time. I was thinking maybe having them melted (together) and then using the metal to form new rings (symbolic, purifying, etc.) <P>-and while I may have attracted a new audience, please see the thread on telling the OP's spouse started by SOSAD. <P>This is a great place and everyone's input is needed !

Athena,<P>I am not sure if this is appropriate...but I thought I would post this because like your H I did not feel the same about the significance of rings as my W did either..so maybe its a man thing... jewelery flowers and such dont seem to have a high priority to some men?.. and maybe they would consider the cost before symbolic sentimental significance..?<P>Incidently we did get new rings and had a ceremony for the occasion but it was a few years later that the real symbolic sentimental significance made an impact on my W when I bought her a ring that I liked and thought was really beautiful and it filled me with pleasure and pride to see her wear it....she wears that one always now because she says she treasures that more than any other because I bought it for her because I wanted to unexpectedly without her making any requests or dropping any hints etc.... <P>I personally think now that having new rings is a good thing but it must be a two way thing perhaps to have deep meaning...?<P>cossie...<P>------------------<BR>To know who you are is to see who I am....<P>

Hi<P>I remember the "wedding ring" feelings like they are dirty and tarnished. I took mine off immediately when my wife admitted to her affair. I threw it into her coffee! I put my ring back on about 2 days after. We both agreed that we should buy each other eternity rings, these show our new commitment to each other. As time goes by you will worry less about the wedding rings and focus your energy into rebuilding your marriage.<P>

Hey, Athena: When I got into "one of my moods" last fall, I gave my husband my wedding ring back, on top of cell phone bills that didn't "tally" up. He refused to accept it, and we tossed it back and forth, until we lost it in the kitchen. He found it the next day, in the fruit bowl on the table. He did this ceremony of replacing it on my finger. Hey, it wasn't even the one that I wore anymore. It was the gold band that we used when we got married. The one that I have been wearing is the one he got me for our 25th. anniversary. There was NO way that I was giving that one back. I had worked too long and hard for it!!<BR>My H had never worn his ring, as it was a job related thing, and the crazy thing is, that he finally put it on during the Christmas of '97. He started his affair in the winter of '98. Like you, I knew that he must have worn it when he was with OW, as he always came back with it on. I knew he was not removing it, as he would have slipped up and forgotten to put it back on. (He has this memory thing.) <BR>For christmas of '98, I got him a new ring. The engraving inside reads "Forever and a Day." He willingly gave his "old" ring up, put the new one on, and has never questioned as to why he got a new ring. I didn't even want to guess where his "old" ring had been!! If you feel strongly about the ring, Christmas would be a perfect time for it. Worked for Me!!<BR><P>------------------<BR><BR>SUCCESS STORY<P>

Athena,<BR>I too have taken off my wedding rings. I don't feel he deserves for me to wear his ring while he is involved with someone else. But yes I do understand, I have said to myself that if things work out and we get back together, I would like new rings. The old ones feel tarnished to me. They just don't mean the same to me anymore.<P>------------------<BR>That which does not kill us, will make us stronger.<BR>* Viki<P>

I feel the same way about my wedding rings. They have lost their meaning for me. The funny thing is, we had talked about getting new rings for our 20th anniversary. I was against the idea because I wanted to keep the rings we got married with. We agreed on an anniversary band for me and a new band for him. Well, that day came and went (due to lack of funds at the time). Now, several years later, I want new rings. These feel "dirty/cheapened". I suggested to my H that we start shopping for them and his answer really surprised me. He said he won't give up the one he has. It is pretty beat up from years of wear and tear. He says it has a lot of scars that he needs to remember the damage he did to "us". He says he will never take it off because it reminds him of what he almost lost. I thought that was kinda sweet. But I still want new ones!!