Hello All,
Well for those of you not aware of my latest, Last week i talked with OM STBX and found a load of info.,not good, on him. Alcohol problem, anger management, chronic internet cheater,past 2dui's. Well i informed WW of this and initially it shock her on two counts one that i would call his STBX and two about all the other things regarding OM. The next day she went into counseling for herself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Stated that she really got a lot out of session and is going to cont. to go. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> This is good d/t this was one of my terms she had to meet. So i approached her this weekend invited her over for a nice dinner with kids and I then asked her. What she was planning with OM after all this newfound info. She stated she was going to hear his side of the story when he comes home from his sea trial. Did not say that she was going to break it off with him or anything <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Stated that she cannot give me a time frame and she knows this is what i want but cannot give this too me yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> States she beleives what i told her about OM but also thinks that because OM and his STBX have had so many past problems that alot of what was said to me by Om STBX was said out of bitterness.
I had asked WW if Om knew i still had feelings for her. WW said yes. I know he will know for sure now because he knows that i took this much effort to call his STBX to get info on him and relay to my WW.
Problem is my WW will not commit to ending it with him. Tells me she loves me, see's a future with us reconciling and being a family again or at least hopes too, but cannot give me a time frame. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Maybe i am being too impatience. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Still feel WW wife has painted this man to be everything, and is now doubting some of what i told her about OM through his STBX. Can this back fire on me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
WW and i went to movie this afternoon with kids. She seemed so much more like herself and not alien she has become when OM is in picture. She is still doing all the hugging, kissing, hand holding and not pulling away. Even somewhat making future plans for us together as a couple.
I am happy about this but confused because she still states that she is not ready to come to me yet <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Cant understand the power this OM has over her, he is like a vampire soon as he is around puts her in his trance and she again is the alien.
She is tired of our relationship talk, with regards to me asking her to give me a time frame and idea of where we at. Always states she doesn't know.
I made my mind up that after Thanksgiving, i am going to try and do some things for me, so i am not sitting here stewing or thinking about what her and om are possibly doing, or else it will mentally tear me about. WW really hints of some doubt now that her and OM will have any long term relationship, but will not commit to a answer with nc with him at least not through the rest of this year.
I am hoping OM will bow out now that he is aware of my feelings for her , but i know that is a big hope and may do the opposite.
Need some encouragement, and reassurance. Not ready for Plan B, i don't think. Maybe after christmas if this is still going on. Don't know.
I don't expect WW to move back in right away , i really don't want that yet, i just want her to end it with OM and she won't commit to that just yet.
Hopefully by telling Ww Om true self as described by his STBX it will plant the seed of doubt.
jets
p.s. we squeak out a close one but a win is a win.

JETS!

Ok buddy.Don't mess it up! Your WW sounds closer to reality with each post you make.Please don't pressure her about timetables and the OM.In fact,don't talk about him at all anymore ok? Let the truth about him sink in to your WW all on it's own.Don't pressure her about when.Keep plan A'ing and continue to give her good vibes about you and the home life.Be loving,calm,dignified,supportive.No relationship talk,or,not much of it.

You need to come to grips that your WW isn't going to "snap" out of this A.If it's going to happen,it will happen slowly over time as she comes to realize just how pathetic this OM really is in REAL life and how good she has it waiting for her.Let her come to this conclusion on her own,at her own pace.Just be there in the background,for now.No plan B yet.It's too soon now that she looks like she is poking her head out of her shell.Be patient anf fill those EN's while you have the chance and OM is away.

Hang in there!

O <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thnks Octobergirl,
That is what i have made my mind up to do. I am glad that you gave me that encouragement, at least now i know i am on the right track.
I feel she is starting to see some daylight out of her fog she is just not quite there yet.
Next mo. will be hard d/t OM will be here in town most of that mo. but i know she will really only get about 2weeks with him if that. I am not going to concern my self with it though, I am going to try to busy myself with things to do so i don't have to think about it.
WW maybe spending christmas holidays with OM here and his kids d/t I am going home with my kids for few days around and during christmas to celebrate my folks 50th wedding anv. I know WW is big into the holidays and it will have to really bother her that her real family is not here and she is having to play mom to OM kids instead of her own if he is around. Hopefully this will set some reality into what left of her fantasy world with OM.
Jets