Hello,

I will speak to my wife today about our future.

Update: W had me removed from home 2 months ago. Now visiting kids for first time supervised at local YWCA. Kids are 7, 5, 6 months.

Order of protection in place. Verbal fight, no violence after W emptied all personal and business accounts. Left us near broke. W does not work and this all occurred 1 month after birth of 3rd child. Possible depression but not diagnosed or attempted to diagnose.

Reason for her actions: I had asked her to babysit our kids while I went out to search for an additional investment property. She got so insulted, she emptied our accounts and retained an attorney. 3 months of talking only got me here.

I feel I was set up to be removed but that's another case. I'm still paying bills and a lot of hurtful words have been exchanged since with both families, as well.

It would be tough to reconcile but I would try since kids are devastated and W and I had a good marriage. Lots of help needed.

W feels only I need help, not her. Will not seek joint counseling. I am in C right now.

Money is critical at this point with attornies and such. I want to speak to W to see if she's interested in future reconciliation. If not, then let's talk about our financial future for our kids. We own 2 homes, a home business and I am full-time employed. So far, she has been uncooperative although she is interested in talking. I have initiated divorce after 5 months of her threatening to do it herself. She has never filed.

She called this morning to tell me she will call me later. I want to know what to say to convince her to either work towards a future, or at least work towards a financial agreement.

She has said recently that she wants everything. But I could not convince her that won't happen even with judicial intervention. She wants the business, both houses, child support and maintenance and she basically wants me to disappear from our kids' lives.

I'm thinking she's a bit irrational but she has indicated that she is getting desperate for communication and a resolution. I do not give her cash because of the way she "stole" all of ours. I told her I would reimburse monies spent on food, diapers, etc. but could not give cash as it's very tight with me paying all of the bills. I am using equity in our home to help make ends meet. "No deal" was her words. Like she has room to bargain.

Any and all replies welcome. Thank you!

What has led to this and why is there a protection order in place? Were you/are you having an affair? What is her complaint?

I feel like there is a huge chunk of the story missing here.

I get the same reaction from everyone.

It all started with the house-buying episode. Nothing more. She felt I was attempting to buy properties without her. As if I could legally do that.

Her attorney advised her to take all monies and close all accounts in her name.

We tried talking for 3 months. Nothing changed. We then had a huge fight when things culminated in her writing off my family by fighting with them and writing them out of our baby's Christening. I believe she has never Christened her yet.

No affairs, alcohol, drugs or violence. Although we live very close to her family who is always coming between us.

The order of protection was based on the fight we had. It was so easy to claim she feared for her life and our kids' lives. I really think she set out to ruin us, then have me removed when she realized I would eventually get upset with all of these attacks.

We've been through family court as she is claiming I am an unfit and unstable father. After all the years of taking care of this family, this is absurd.

That is all there is and now I find myself defending my own mental state of mind? She's got 3 young kids, one with autism, no job and no future.

Do you think she is mentally unstable?

Yes, I do think she's a bit unstable. After all this, while I'm unvoluntarily living with my mother 60 miles from my home and job, she claims I left my family! How do I talk to someone like this?

What happened when you went to court for the protection order?
Why did the court find in her favor?

There was no finding as to guilt. When a person file for protection, the courts err on the side of caution automatically. Of course, she is not willing to drop it either so the court will not either.

HusbandLost,

Do you have lawyer? , please get one if you don't ... Do you think she has an affair ?.

-rh-

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 02:47 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>

You may have to prove her incompetent with her finances. My SIL is doing similar to my BIL. BIL is now almost broke though they own a home worth lots of $$$$$. She tapped into the equity accounts and has drained him financially, mentally and emotionally.

Her and all her plastic parts and spending habits are running him dry. He is a good father and H while she is out running around looking like a hussy and having an A (had an A, still acts like it is still going on). As of now, that once beautiful SIL is not an ugly plastic phony woman who is no longer real. How sad. She has a good H and 4 beautiful children but she must lose all to get nothing.

Make sure you get the correct account to the proper authorities. My BIL was forced to go to counseling for him and his children because his W gave false charges to the police. Arrrgh.... it is embarressing t/b related to such a character. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Protect yourself and your family.

Just my very opininated opinon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
L.

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 03:38 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Have you tried mediation? There seems to be more to this. However, I think after birth, every woman is a little nuts. Hormones, no sleep, the dynamics between the kids, everything is weird.

How is she coping with 3 kids? Is her family helping her? Please make whatever effort you can with the kids. I'd try for some visits with just the older 2 and something separately with the baby. You need to form some kind of bond with that baby. Maybe you can offer to watch her at your house so W could do something with the older kids.

I'd try for time and love. Good luck!

I have court supervised visits once a week. I cannot get closer to her or the kids because the order stipulates the children as well!

I made her an offer last night to suspend all actions (I have now initiated divorce because she was afraid to). To avoid uprooting the kids, I offered to stop all proceedings until next year when our heads are clearer and she can get on her feet, meaning a job.

Her answer: "Then what? Divorce? What about our future together?"

Now she's hinting of reconciliation! After all we've been through, I reluctantly agreed to take baby steps which would include major counseling.

I will hear from her today about moving forward now that we are broke in more ways than one. Wish me luck!

Is there an OM ? and again do you have lawyer to advice you ?.

You know you W better than any of us but you are not dealing with reasonable person at this moment. Let's put it this way, if one of your tenant broke the lease, keep living in the rental unit, and put RO on you ... what would you do ?.

-rh-

No OM or OW. No drugs, alcohol or violence.

I've had a lawyer since September. He'd rather see us work on a deal than lose everything we have.

As far as tenants go, I've been there with the deadbeats and evicted them within weeks so I realize what I need to do.

We put her back against the wall financially so now she seems to be coming around. Problem is, how do I trust her without serious intervention?

No one could make the decision of cutting your losses now or later, you know your W.

I would keep an eye on possible OM, put proper percautions ... snoop.

I would ask her to show some of good faith ... to drop the RO. Trust is earned. Back to my tenant questioning, you just let your tenant to stay there for 1 year rent free and you can't check your property. Test her and see if she has a good faith !. WORD ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH.

-rh-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"We put her back against the wall financially so now she seems to be coming around. Problem is, how do I trust her without serious intervention?" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I would not, not until she willingly removes the order of protection and admits to the court that it was based on false accusations on her part. If you don't make these two deal breakers then she will do it to you again in the future, and then you'll have nobody to blame but yourself.

CoffeeMan,

Yes, I plan on doing that exactly if she is serious. There is no way she can tell the courts I am abusing our kids, with absolutely no proof, and FAR from the truth, and expect to reconcile. That and the order will need to go.

I've been gone 2 months and frankly, while I'm not happy for any of us, it is a relief to be out of that situation so going back will mean major changes or no deal. Life is too short to be treated this way and I was way too good for this.