The OW with whom my WH is now living with, came to my home yesterday looking for him(the one we shared and Im trying to sell). They work together and I called to speak with him this am, to ask him to have her please stop coming over and calling me etc. She of course denied it and was on the line while I was speaking to him and proceeded to curse me out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I then went to the Sherrifs dept.to file a report the first officer said it was of no use. To either take out a warrent or restraining order W/ The clerk of court and I tried but she(the clerk) wouldn't do it. So I went back to the Sherrifs dept. and wouldn't take no for an answer this time. At least this Detective was a gentleman and took the report and said to write her a letter. To address the issues(calls and drive bys) and if she returns he gave me his direct line and they would pick her up. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Any suggestions forthe letter? My WH was "supposed to have come to my home to visit our daughter" He cancelled of course(this isn't the first time) He is now rumored to be having another A with a different co-worker. I have plan A'd thus far and now I'm not exactly certain what to do.

Married 17yrs
Together 21
I'm 37
WH-39
OW 41
daughter-15 yrs old
DD was 6/15
Moved out 7/5

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 07:33 AM: Message edited by: artstudent04 ]</small>

Come on over, when most torture methods were devised..they didn't even have chainsaws yet. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />


Seriously though..it sounds like you are on the right track. Just don't let them dismiss you and deny your rights because they don't want to deal with paperwork. You could use an advocate..if you haven't already got an attorney..now would be a good time.

Noodle

The OW may suspect another OW and assume it is you. Whoever she suspects will suffer her wrath. A crazed OW is not one to toy with.

Let the police know that you fear for the safety of your home and family. The OW knows you address and has threatened you. If the receiving officer is not cooperative, ask for one who deals with domestic abuse cases. Getting an RO is not difficult just takes time and you need to get your facts straight.

Sending a letter (cc: the police and your IC/MC), is a good idea. The contents of your letter can contain something like the following:


To Mz. ________ (make sure you use titles and first/last names - don't give her the pleasure of using her 1st name only - this is not a friendly letter).

This letter is being sent to inform you that your drive by and intrusion to my home has been considered as harrassment. Just because you are having an affair and living with my husband does not give you the right to harrass this family.

You are not a friend of our family and not welcomed on our property. Your recent acts have threatened the safety of our family.

The proper authorities have been informed. It is therefore recommended you cease these harmful acts. If you continue to do so, appropriate action will be taken.

Sincerely,

BS

Dear Orchid and Noodle,

Thank you for your response. I am using one very similar to Orchid's suggestion. I spoke w/my physical therapist yesterday (who is also a very good friend) and she also suggested showing it to my "regular therapist" beore sending(so to keep emotion out of it). I am assumning because I was pretty upset yesterday, because my husband has just bought the OW a new car <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (which we could not afford) and he said she wasn't a goldigger,like I ever believed that one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> We live in a rather large beautiful home overlooking a valley in NC. He was very encouraging of me to take a trip to Europe in the spring. So he could bring both of them, to my home and to my bed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Which I still have to "try" and sleep in every night till this sells.(BY THE WAY, I'M HAVING A BIG BONFIRE WHEN I MOVE OUT,picture a king size mattress and flames) Little did the heifers know that it also packs a healthy mortgage. And when it sells(I pray SOON) I'm getting 80%.(Because of all of his irresponsibility w/$) I just want to buy a small(reasonably priced)home for myself and my daughter.-Which in Asheville is a joke but I love it here. A friend said to me that Asheville is "poverty with a view" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , and finish my degree. I'm still trying light version of plan A via email. I say light because, I really don't want to overdo it and he has really been pushing my buttons lately. I think to test me, and I'm just trying to make the best out of these "situations" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Well Thanks again all, Must get ready the house is showing in an hour.

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: artstudent04 ]</small>

He bought the OW a car? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Did you have to sign the title? Maybe you should put it up for sale with her cell #. There is a website that let's you put adds for free: craigslist.org. There was a story long time ago about a widow in Texas whose husband had a mistress. He left the OW his Cadillac with instructions in his will that for his W to sell the caddy and give the $$ to the OW. His W put an add in the local paper and eventually sold the car for $1.00. Then she mailed that $1.00 to the OW. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Now that's creative. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Have you watched the Dr. Phil show on Thursdays? It shows a WS still as a WS and he is looney. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Believe it or not, he use to post here @ MB, even had the nerve to tell the audience he was 'taking' the heat for 'all the guys out there'. This WS brought the now prego OW to his family's home and in their bedroom. It was contaminated and the BS had him get a new mattress.

Sounds like your H is just as destructive. Time to get your ducks in a row. But assume the OW is wacko so you stay prepared.

Keep posting and it is good to hear you are using others to review the info.

take care,
L.

Wow, AS, are you sure you aren't married to my X? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was paying almost all of the bills, and he had almost everything he made to run around on, and was still always short on money. Went into a lot of debt that I didn't know about, in fact. Took out a 5 year loan to buy OW a vehicle (no, I didn't have to sign for it, I'm STILL amazed the bank gave him a loan for that much without me on it too, and I did make him show me the loan paperwork after I found out about it to make sure my name wasn't on it. I was afraid he'd had OW pose as and sign as me... and don't think for a second I wouldn't have put her butt in jail if that had been the case!)

He not only brought her to our home when I wasn't around (which I was paying for really, not him,) but brought her to our CHURCH! Once when I was there, once when I wasn't. He claimed she worked with him (she didn't,) that he had been talking to her about our church, and she was looking for a new one, so wanted to visit ours.

And not to leave the OW out - you wouldn't believe some of the stuff I've had to hear from her (ok, so you probably WOULD believe it.) He didn't want to tell me details about the A... but SHE sure did.... graphic details.

I'm convinced they really do just completely lose their minds. You are dealing with the insane here. Just keep telling yourself that. They'll try to convince you that you're the one who is crazy, but they are just out of their ever-loving minds. Protect yourself.

As far as what to tell her - I would just tell her that she is not to contact you, and that any further contact will be considered harassment, and you will go to the police. Warn her off, and don't elaborate about anything else. The less you can say to her the better. The more you say, the more likely it is that she'll find something in it that offends her, and want to respond. Keep it as simple as possible - something like "WH cannot be reached through me, and I am not interested in having any contact with you whatsoever. Please do not contact me, either by phone, in writing, or in person. Any further contact will be considered harassment, and I will take whatever steps are available to me under the law to treat it as such."

A powerful quipp to an OW should you need it is when she tries to 'shock' you with info, respond with something like: ".... oh, is that all?" Belittle or minimize her words and you have disarmed the OW. I did. As shocked and hurt as I was (OW left me a voicemail on our home phone) that as proof, she would play his conversations with her. Imagine that!!! She recorded most of their conversations and kept hundreds if not thousands of their correspondence e-mails. Which btw, she dragged into court with her (both the tape recorder and binder of e-mails. Of course the judge didn't even want to consider it. In fact the judge told her she was borderline. What a nutcase.

L.

Hello All,

The letter to the OW was sent certified yesterday. It was short,not so sweet and to the point. My therapist said it was just fine and a "healthy" and necessary response given the situation. I am trying. Someone must be the grownup here and I suppose I was elected. Although it was tempting not to interject some sincerely CONTEMPTUIOUS,EVIL,RANCID,and
REEKING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> thoughts. I kept my cool, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> and took it out on my daily or I should say semi-daily walk.

In answer to Orchid's question. No,I didn't have to sign the title. He knows the only thing I would have done is torch it.

The only time the OW has gotten one over on me 'verbally' has been via the phone(I don't know what it is about that?) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> and the day after I caught them. The two run ins in person went very well for me considering. She looked and spoke like something my Jack Russell, drug in. I was dressed for school and feeling pretty confident at the time, and when my head isn't swimming in all of this, I can be pretty tenacious and unyeilding( I am "normally pretty easygoing, unless me or my family is threatened).

She is not allowed contact with my child or my husband will lose all custody rights. He is not allowed to bring her(the OW)to his parents home either. They want nothing to do w/her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> He hasn't been back to our church since he left home. He is feeling very guilty and ashamed,and is concerned "people" are talking about him all of the time. I switched churches,as it was rough seeing where we took our vows, every time I went and that was his home church.

Today was a bit difficult w/ Thanksgiving. He didn't call or see our daughter or his parents that live next door. She spent the night w/them last night and came home early afternoon. I had Tgiving dinner cooking and my inlaws sent over enough food to feed a dozen.~ They have been very supportive of me.
The WH did send me an email wishing me a Happy Thanksgiving. It was sincere and difficult for me to see, I just thanked him and wished the same. I believe she said no to his going over there today, as she wasn't invited. I would really just like to give her a good thump. But I know that her standing between he and his family is only going to drive a wedge between them, and it is driving both of them nuts that his parents have been so supportive of me. Once if he ever clears the "fog" he'll see it too.

Take care all and Happy Thanksgiving. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 07:54 AM: Message edited by: artstudent04 ]</small>