How does one handle the inquiries from those distant friends now. Is the exposure now more detrimental than beneficial? Is this like trying to save the Titanic with a mop and bailing bucket?

Reason I ask: WW’s distant friend with ties to an agency WW still works for occasionally has left a message for WW to call her. I could call her with WW's new phone number and answer her inevitable questions, or I can just let WW know to call her. What does the official MB rule book state?

I’m so tired of this.

How does one handle the inquiries from those distant friends now.
Simply let them know the facts. She moved out.

If she's getting mail/messages/whatever, don't worry about it.
If you ever speak with your wife, then let her know x called or you received some mail. But since you are in Plan B, don't worry about it.

Is the distant friend your friend, as well?

If so, call her back and answer the inevitable questions honestly. Why not? You're not interested in helping your W protect her secrecy, right? Assuming she's OK with her decisions, she should be OK with everybody knowing this, right?

If the distant friend is not a close friend of yours, you have no obligation, I believe, other than to indicate to him/her (if you answer the phone one day) that your W no longer can be reached at this number or address. Answering further questions or not is your prerogitive. When I find myself in this situation, I usually answer, "after our son's death, my W went off the deep end and ran off with her best friend's husband. They're now married. Do you need a dog?" OK, I'm kidding about the dog part.

I believe exposure is exposure is exposure and Plan B doesn't affect this. Ideally, exposure that could be influential has already occurred BEFORE Plan B. But if the occasion for more exposure arises AFTER Plan B, why not?

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When I find myself in this situation, I usually answer, "after our son's death, my W went off the deep end and ran off with her best friend's husband. They're now married. Do you need a dog?" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ROFLMAO....you're killing me WAT!! OMG that is so darn funny.

Exposure seems trickier than it is. Don't lie for you spouse. If the opportunity arises to influence your wife....use it. If you have a rapport (or if this person is influential with your wife) at all....let them know that <sorry> your wife has moved to XX's house and that she should try contacting her there.

Thank you all for your responses,

WAT, have you ever timed the average duration it takes for a person to gather their wits and respond to your statement? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I bet there's a considerable pause when they forget their mouth is hanging open and the silence becomes uncomfortable.

I called this woman back, I have a pretty good rapport with both her and her husband. The reason she called was to tell WW and I about another female friend we have in common. This other friend was married to a co-worker of mine. Well my co-worker dumped her to "sow his wild oats". She was devastated, but decided to go back to school and make herself more marketable.

In university she meets a young assistant professor and falls in love and we attend the wedding some years later. Well after a couple of kids they move to Toronto where the young former asst. professor acquires a tenured professor’s position with a University there.

Well guess what. Our professor started an internet affair and has now run off with this woman. Our mutual friend is dumped again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So I figure, since we're on the topic I relate my "adventure" this last year. She now doesn't know if she will call my WW as she's not sure if there will be much sympathy WW can offer.

The woman I spoke to works in a hospital where WW used to work full time. WW works there on a casual basis now. I was reluctant to expose there as I thought WW could go back there without being "labeled" if we were to reconcile. I would not consider reconciliation while WW works at her present job.

Then I realized this marriage is continuing to lose so much altitude....I can start to see the individual trees and I'm beginning to reference the "eject" handle. I don't have a lot to lose anymore, I can afford some restrained recklessness.

Yea, most folks are speechless for a moment.

But almost all end up expressing sympathy and/or understanding for my XW - like it's OK for a parent who lost a child to do bizarre things. But then I pause and realize that this is why I was able to Plan A for a year - she had a better "excuse" than most for seeking refuge with her useful idiot.

'Nuff about that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Binder:
<strong>Then I realized this marriage is continuing to lose so much altitude....I can start to see the individual trees and I'm beginning to reference the "eject" handle. I don't have a lot to lose anymore, I can afford some restrained recklessness. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just stay squarely atop that moral high ground. This is your future emotional wealth.

WAT

I hate Toronto <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I'm sorry to hear about your friend Binder.How tragic.Once is way more than enough to go through Infidelity.It's stories like this one that make me 99% sure I will never marry again and more than 50% sure I will not be involved again with another man for a long time to come.Everyone out there now is a risk to me and I don't want to take that risk again.UGH.

I came to the same conclusion as you a while ago: I have nothing left to lose except pain and suffering(WH).

Tomorrow is another day.Hope you're keeping busy.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I hate Toronto <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">O...that wasn't nice. You should apologize to all the Torontonians out there...I'll do it for you if I must.

I'm sorry that you all are from Toronto. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Us Western Canadians love bashing Toronto!

I agree with your sentiments regarding remarriage. I just can't see confusing my children any more than they already are.