I am a BS, and WH left to find out if OW is just "fantasy"..but came home 2 days later stating that it was over! When I asked what made him come to realization, he stated "it wasnt her, it was you!" Stated "I love you more!" He has been doing things he never used to do for me. He is attentive and affectionate but doesnt seem as interested in SF as he was while having affair? It has been about 3 weeks since he came home and I dont see any signs of "withdrawal or regret"? He keeps making statements referring to me as "His Wife" and even sent me a txt. msg saying "Thank you for being my wife". I was just wondering if all WH's go thru withdrawal and if so when/what do I look for?

Mine never did. Not once. But, when I found out about the A he was SO ready to be done with her but he didn't know how to cuz he knew it would hurt me so badly. He had been trying to break it off with her for months and when I confronted him about the A he admitted to all and I had my husband back from that day on. He has never went through withdraw over the OW and he is just so glad to be rid of her and so happy to be working on our M and making it better then it was before. So, maybe he just knows he loves you and not her and feels absolutely no regret over his decision so there is no withdraw!

Not all.

As a WH (3 month affair/5yrs ago) I experienced absolutely zero withdrawal from OW. I was never 'in love' with OW and after D-day, my focus was entirely on my W and saving my marriage.

So yes, it it possible. (betchyer glad ta hear that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

dewt

Sabot,

It really depends on so many factors. But, yes, it is not odd to have a WS have little or no withdrawal after the break-up of the affair.

Still, approach with caution. As easily as WSs can slip out of an affair, they can just as easily slip back in, even after some time in recovery.

If he begins to experience "withdrawal" I think the best indication for you is that he begins to act differently than he now is, less open with his feelings, or he begins to act more like he did when actively involved in the affair.

Hope this helps.

~ Snow

nope, not all....

In my case FWH's withdrawal was minimal or non existent once he was ready for the A(s) to be truly over. (There were false recoveries where he didn't seem to have withdrawals but just layed low until he felt he could recontact/resume...that was a 4 yr on and off A...but in hindsight it was really mostly 'on'.)

Thanks to all for input! Guess its just my skeptisicsm because I am ready for the other shoe to drop so to speak...maybe it wont!

MarshaR: My H said the same thing on phone when we were talking about him coming home...he said he was supposed to go back and see her (she lives outa state) but was "dreading" it! He said he knew what he wanted but didnt know how to get out of this mess with OW! He said he also kept trying but she was sooo persistent! He even asked me what to do!!! Of course OW was telling him that "we just need to spend more time together!" What a Tramp! Now she sends ME an email stating "trust me" I have info you need to know!!! I have just ignored it and she hasnt sent it!

Hey there Sabot...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Now she sends ME an email stating "trust me" I have info you need to know!!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We went over this one right... translation...I want you to get so pissed off that you leave him. Then he'll hurt, like he hurt me. Ignore her silly butt. Is there any way you can block her email ?

She may start sending you information that you don't need to read...and will send you down a slippery slope..we don't want that.

Why does WH have to see her one more time ? I'd draw the line on that one.

And as far as withdrawal...nope...not for a minute. He was mess when I threw him out...for weeks, not eating, sleeping, showering, couldn't concentrate on work...was so torn up inside..all he could do was cry a lot when he saw me.

The minute he dropped the 3rd wheel, and moved home... the little light that surrounds him and makes him so irrestible to me.... began to shine again...and he shines...boy does he shine <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sabot,

From what I've read here, not ALL FWS's experience withdrawal. This ‘phenomenon’ of no withdrawal mostly happens to FWH’s (males) because woman is deeper involved with feelings/emotions and usually it’s more difficult for woman to recover and overcome the emotional part of an A than for men. Here is another thread on this topic you can read: Did any other FWS not go through withdrawal?.

Suzet

No withdrawal by my FWH either.

He was glad to be rid of the OW and glad the A was over.

sss

This must be a common thing with WS who are men. My WH had a couple weeks of light depression/withdrawl, which he said was more about him feeling he didn't deserve his family after what he had done. Weighing his options, trying to decide if we could rebuild or if he should just start over alone (he said no OW even if he left).

Here are just a couple things he said about OW:
1. She wanted to be with him, and didn't feel at the time that I wanted to do things with him or that I liked him.
2. She is 13yrs older and he knew there was no future with her because of age difference so never let himself think of anything beyond just a good time.
3. Said he felt bad for her because he used her for SF.
4. Said could have been anyone, but she was the first one initiating and only one available. Also said only one at workplace who wasn't a "Fat [censored]".
5. Said the A had just about run its course prior to Dday and it would have ended soon on its own.
6. Said that he was more concerned about himself and not being embarassed at work by co-workers finding out he slept with her than he was concerned about her feelings.

There are lots more things he's said about her that I haven't believed because I thought there should be withdrawl. She attempts contact with him and has used guilt to try to get him to see her. He doesn't always tell me when she contacts him, says he doesn't want to worry me, because she means nothing to him and the contact means nothing to him.

I haven't believed him and I told him how contact hurts me. He says he has no control over what she does, only what he does and for him it is finished and he wants nothing more to do with her. He says he would NEVER hurt me like that again and is with me because he loves me.

Like I said, I've not believed him about this, but maybe I should. Maybe she was just a band-aid and a sex partner, and when he decided he wanted our family and marriage he was done with her.

As a woman this is difficult for me to believe, because I just can't understand it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am a BS, and WH left to find out if OW is just "fantasy"..but came home 2 days later stating that it was over! When I asked what made him come to realization, he stated "it wasnt her, it was you!" Stated "I love you more!" </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope he stated more of a reason than that. I think it's wonderful that he is in effect Plan A'ing you and re-focusing on the marriage but, has he accepted any accountability? Has he stated why he strayed and why he will never stray again? What if someone comes along that he loves more than you?

That just comes across as such an unremorseful statement to me. Maybe it's just the way I am reading it. I feel if the only reason he ended the A is because he "loves you more" then he is still not satisfied. If what you had to offer before the A was not enough for him, what makes it enough now...and will he still be looking for more?

If you haven't already done it, introduce your H to the EN questionaire. You may both find it very useful in your recovery.