you dont know me but melody lane guided me to you , i read your exposer thread back in august at melodys request and your sit pretty much mirrors mine. i just have a few ?s first after exposer my w said she hated me and basically how could i do what i did to her and i couldnt stand to see her happy. my ? is what did you say when yours brought that up, also mine has accused me of abuse mental and physical which if you consider me checking up on her for the last 3 mos with a sense of an affair which ended up as one then im guilty but physically no is there something you did to control the urge to defend yourself. thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi dalson !

I am not sure what you mean. DO you mean how did I resist the urge to defend myself against accusations of cruelty ?

Well Squid ( my FWW) was meaner'n'a rattlensnake after I exposed, particularly when I sent proof of PA to OM GF. She told me:

1. Our M was over
2. I had needlessly ruined 4 lives
3. I was a ghoul ruining OMs sons funeral
4. I was a b@stard who wasn;t half the man OM was

etc etc etc

I responded with " I am sorry you seem to be hurt by this. I did what I thought was best in prayer to help recover our marriage because I care for you and our kids".Then after I made sure the kids were safe (and the passports and bank books hidden) I went to the gym. A lot.

Snooping and exposing are in no way abusive behaviour when a BS is faced with WS. My own Squid and almost every other WS gets over the anger eventually. But it sure is spiteful.

You did the right thing, remain calm and remember a closed mouth gathers no foot.

Any more questions please ask but also check out classic posts by Ark^^ and worthatry on exposure. CLASSIC works.

she accused me of everything yours did exept the sons funeral part, but also of other things she has no proof of. she has also threatened to have me lawfully removed from the house. it freaks me out that she has all this in her, i keep thinking she may be popssesed by the devil. i really screwed up last night in my confrontation w/ her lb lb lb lb every word that came out, i just couldnt shut up, my brain was going stop stop stop my mouth kept running. she has turned her family against me, she has an affair and im the guilty one. i read a post you made a few mos past about being dependent on your parents then on your w, you were very angry and hurt. i felt every word you had written i had to leave my desk and go to the bathroom. your success has made me feel somewhat better about mine. my w still talks about nothing but d, selling our house etc. im very happy to see the effects of this in your m. i pray that everything works w you and i hope to have a fraction of the success that you have had. thank you

dalson, your WW is not posessed by Satan ( I hope not anyway). She IS posessed by the demon of infidelity - the one that makes sensible loving people behave like their are acting in a very bad movie.

WS seem to be so dramatic and camp its untrue.

Your WW needs you to help her dalson. Do not let her down!

You need to work harder on your plan A. Detach from it emotionally, treat it as if it was a building project or an engine rebuild. Thats what I did.

Understand that your W is gripped by an addiction right now as surely as if she had freebased. She cannot behave any more rationally than she is.

When you LB it reinforces her warped justificatiin for her affair. You must provide a consistent, calm, accepting, non judgmental and caring place for her to return to.

You must control your instinct dalson. DO that and you can have a successful Plan A.

All blessings.

thank you
i know you are right, pride is tough to swallow but here goes
is there a way to find old threads w/o going thru page by page

You can use the search button

HERE

Study hard - knowledge is power. There are some magnificent resources on here.

All blessings

thanks again

Hmmm, an engine rebuild...wonder how that conversation would go.

Hey hun, I was thinking about rebuilding your engine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Would you mind popping the hood? ROFL

Sometimes, I really can't help myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

dalson, I'm glad you found Bob Pure. Smart move paging him!

hahahaa Rook Kev <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

RooKev you are too bad ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


...seriously...thats the only way that worked for me.

If you get emotional when rebuilding and engine you do a bad job. under- or Overtightend stuff, overhit stuff. You ALWAYS nmake more damage to repair.

Being calm, steady hands and a detachment from how much the car/motocycle means to you gets the best results.

Plan A was just like that with me.