I wokeup this morning feeling a lot better. I feel it's time to just let my husband go. Allow him to chase his fantasy and not stand in his way anymore.

I still do not want a divorce. I still love the man with all my heart. But right now he is not the man that cares about me at this time. Yes he may say "he will always care about me." But actions speak louder than words. Right now there is no care or love in his actions.

I think the more he feels I stand in his way or feels pressured by me to stop his affair the more he builds a wall around himself and it just makes him more determined to do what he wants to do. I just need to detach myelf from his chaos. I guess I find it hard to do though. Sometimes when he calls the boys I want to hear his voice or talk to him so bad. But when we talk we get into the same arguements. About R, OW and divorce. Right now he sees me as the reason for his unhappiness. Even though his own actions are causing it. Of course he can't see that.

Once I detach and let him alone then maybe he can see his affair for what it is. A fantasy that is hurting so many people. When I argue his feelings he just uses my pain and hurt to throw it back at me and justify his actions even more. So when I am letting him alone he only has himself to argue with. Who will he blame for his unhappiness then???

I still want him at the birth of the baby. I still want him to be a part of my life. But I cannot standby and allow him to continue to hurt and disrespect me. While showing another woman care, love and respect. Choosing her over his kids and me. One day he will see the pain that his actions has caused. And he will realize it probably wasn't worth it.

I have nothing to regret. I have stood by him, loved him, taken care of our child and my stepson, fought for my values and beliefs and never once did I even think about turning to someone else. I can hold my head high and I will move on with or without him. Yes it will be hard and I am sure I will stumble at times. But I don't want to fall back in my old patterns because it wasn't helping things. Now it's in my husbands hands. He has to find his way back to us. If not then it's his loss. And yes he is setup to lose so much.

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: ForeverChanging ]</small>

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Didn't typing and reading aloud this post make you feel GOOD....It's hard to detach and w/you having a baby coming it's gotta be harder..But, doing so - making peace within yourself - FEELS GOOD and YOU DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD...

I'm in the same spot (though not pregnant)..I've pretty much detached and it's easier to deal with my WH..Maybe he'll never wake-up and maybe he will I can't sit and dwell on it anymore - I can vent here on this BB feel better and have a better day.

I too know in my heart that I've done it all - yet, I have not stepped out and found comfort in another man..I can hold my head high..I still have love left in my heart for WH but I no longer leave it on my sleeve for him to knock off..I am stronger and SO ARE YOU.....

HUGS....

Yes!!! It did feel good to write this post. Now the biggest job will be to stick to my plan. Just like my husband has failed many times at NC. I have failed many times at the MB plan. But I will keep going until I get it right. I am so much stronger than I was a month ago and I know I will continue to get stronger. Of course there are days when I am down and depressed but I realize there will always be those kind of days.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Yes - it's hard to stick w/it..You have to remind yourself why your doing it - to grow, to be strong, remind yourself that you are better emotionally when you block the pain he is causing you..

I have good and bad days too - but, all in all during a 24 hr. period, or a week, etc. I have more good than bad. People are noticing that I look better, I seem happier, I looked like the train wreck I was living..I bet in his eyes I look better now too. I look confident now..no matter what he dumps on me..
I have to remind myself he's not worth it..his OW aren't worth it..By loving him I have to let him go and have his freedom..Open the cage door let him GO...He actually was nastier when I was confronting him, checking up etc.

HUGS

Yes my husband has been getting meaner and meaner each day. He says he still cares for me and my well being but his actions speak differently. Right now it's all about him and his happiness. The more I argue his feelings and checkup on him the more he blames me for his unhappiness.

So the cage door is open. There is nothing more that I can do. He knows I am here willing to work on our marriage but I can't do it alone.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ForeverChanging:
<strong> Right now he sees me as the reason for his unhappiness. . . So when I am letting him alone he only has himself to argue with. Who will he blame for his unhappiness then??? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly! When you remove yourself from his "chaos" and he sees that the chaos remains, he needs to find another scapegoat. I realize you need him to be there for the baby's birth and after. So try your hardest not to LB, not to bring up OW or the relationship. Get through these next few weeks in relative stability, if you can. When you are ready for Plan B you will know it is time. I think you will do it very well, especially if you keep reminding yourself of your own words above.

~ Snow

How did your doctors appointment go today?

Snow,
I know it will be so hard if he is here and still going out to call OW like he did before. But I will try my hardest not to bring up OW, R or his plans for the future. I think I will be busy after the baby is born to even focus on him as much as I do now.

Maybe once I am not in the picture to blame anymore. Especially if I am not arguing his feelings and trying to change his mind. He will have to look at himself. And just maybe he will see that it's not me or our marriage making him unhappy.

After <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> the baby is born and things go back to normal then if he still is treating me the same. Then it's time for plan B. But for now I am sticking to trying to detach and distancing myself as much as I can. Tonight I sit here missing him and wanting him to care enough to call and checkup on me. But I don't think that will happen. He is to busy calling OW and talking to her for hours to even think about me.

I am so sad for you, hon. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I don't believe in voodoo, but boy if I did, the things I could do to a couple of voodoo dolls right about now..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hang in there. Your objective right now should be to try and relax before the baby comes. I know, I know. Hard to do. But worth the effort.

~ Snow

I am trying Snow... Really I am.. But like you said it's hard. Especially when your bringing a new life into the world and your so unsure of what your own future holds. I am scared and very lonely.

I sat here earlier thinking about how much I miss his hugs when he came home from work, his kisses at night, him laying next to me and holding me and just having him here and actually talking and joking around. Now I am left with nothing but silence and memories. And when we do talk he is cruel, mean and uncaring. When he comes around he is distant, flenches at my touch and won't really even look me in the eye.

I am hurt but I know I have to start thinking about me. Maybe my real husband will show his face one day. Wish I had one of the Voodoo dolls myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />