Hi Everyone
And Happy Thanksgiving

I was talking to my sister in-law yesterday telling her I told husband that I did not want
our son around this other woman and I was worried
he would take him to see her during the Holidays
She told me I didnt have to worry about that because he was not able to take the baby to her house. I know he comes over everyday to see the baby after he calls me first and he takes a shower and gets more clothes and leaves his dirty ones here for me to wash and even eats here sometimes so I figured he wasnt living with her because of these things but this tells me she is
probably living in a house with a husband or boyfriend so I am going to try to find out who she is to expose her A with my husband to the world. Its hard though because hes in and out of
my life so fast I dont know where he goes when he
leaves here.

He said last time when we talked he wondered why I had not gotten a job. I said I looked but I had thought about it and decided I would not make any major changes in my life till I know what direction my life was going in, meaning with him.
I have been a stay at home mom since baby was born.
He said it was hard for him because there is no money left after the bills for him to get a place of his on. (so sorry)
I told him he could come home and he said ( I dont feel comfortable around you anymore) after
12 years together thats funny.
Since I see him almost everyday I dont know whether to plan a or plan b. I told him I didnt want to discuss our relationship anymore until he was willing to work on our M.
I dont know what to do............

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He said last time when we talked he wondered why I had not gotten a job. I said I looked but I had thought about it and decided I would not make any major changes in my life till I know what direction my life was going in, meaning with him.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't give him this much control over the direction of YOUR life. Go find yourself a job. Show him that you are fully capable of supporting yourself and the baby without him.

The length of a Plan A is up to the individual. If your Plan A is tugging at his heart strings then I would suggest continuing. You're just getting started according to your sig line.

When you no longer feel that you are drawing him back to the M and are depleting any and all love that you have for him by trying, then it's time for Plan B.

Even if you get a job, he is still responsible for his share (including spousal and child support). He is fob babbling and will find out soon that the $$$ game won't leave him anything to play with.

As for plan A or B, it seems better for you to go to plan B. Be prepared for a financial backlash so secure that 1st (separation agreement w/financial obligations outlined or divorce w/similar agreement). You need to make sure his new debits from this A are not added to your debits. Check out the options in your area and get a job ASAP.

He is using you to enable his lifestyle. You are meeting his need for stability while he is carousing w/the OW. Pull yourself out of that vicious cycle. It is not healthy for you or our child.

JMHO,
L.

my lawyer told me not to get a job and also my counsler said the same thing our bills meet his income and I have been a stay at home mom since last trimester of pregnancy so about 3 yrs, getting a job would enable him to get his on place for them to meet in private.
Also in the state of florida there is no separation as far as legally.

<small>[ November 23, 2004, 01:52 PM: Message edited by: confused04 ]</small>

Ok, then make sure your finances are secure so that you can make it if he stops paying the bills.

In one case from a former MB poster, her H kicked her out of the house, rendered her homeless with a 3 year old son and then moved the OW and her child into their newly built custom home.

This BS had to start from scratch. The WS was and still is stupid. He even wanted the BS to pay for the lawyer costs and he stopped paying child support until ordered.

Ws' can get real ugly. There are a few from the FL region. Check out what TR is going through, I believe she is from that area.

take care,
L.