Hi everyone. Well, it's me again. I hadn't seen or heard from H since that great visit more than two weeks ago. He called me at work a few minutes ago. He needed the Dr.'s number (he passed out Friday night) and wanted to check with me since he heard I was losing my job. Now all I can do is cry. He was so mean. I didn't ask him about coming home, did my best to Plan A as usual, but I told him that d had asked about the concert he promised her. He said he was going to break all his promises. Said he didn't even want to be my friend, was never coming home, didn't care if his whole family cut him off. He's been so sweet the last few visits, talking about coming home. Two weeks away and now it was like I was talking to a stranger. He stopped going by his mom's to get my letters. Doesn't want to see her either. Says he isn't going to marry Sweetie, but wants to put her on OUR insurance to drive one of our cars so he doesn't have to take her everywhere.<P>I didn't even know this man. I can't believe how cold he was. My stomach is churning and my hands are shaking and I don't know what to do. I KNOW he was softening. Everyone said he was thinking about us more and more. Then all of a sudden he cuts off ALL contact with us and his family and turns into this horrible foul-mouthed human being. <P>Please - some words of wisdom, guys. I'm losing my job, my d's in trouble, I'm losing our home and I am OUT of strength. I can't stop crying and shaking. I can't believe I'm so weak. I asked God for a sign - is this it???<P>Help.<P>Lori

I don't have any words of wisdom for you. I wish I did. Just know that you will get through this. I know it doesn't feel like that now, but you will. <BR>They can be such pigs. The nerve of him wanting to put her on your insurance. Tell her to buy her own car and get her own man.<BR>Keep your chin up. I'll be thinking of you.<P>------------------<BR>That which does not kill us, will make us stronger.<BR>* Viki<P>

Lori - <P>I wish I had some advice to give you. You asked the good Lord for a sign...I could not say that what you saw was or wasn't a sign. Remember that God works in very mysterious ways...what we see as a tragedy today often times works out to be a blessing tomorrow.<P>I can, however, speak to the cold cruelty you witnessed. My W was a warm, loving, generous person the entire time I knew her. When her affair started, she SUDDENLT turned into this callous, mean, vindictive ogre that didn't give a sh*t about anything or anyone but herself. From what I've read on affairs, and certainly through the many testimonials I've read here from former betrayers, selfishness and cruelty are typical manifestations of individuals in affairs. It's an attempt to keep the "high" going. Perhaps your H's affair is winding down, but he is looking for another "hit" of those "love chemicals". Just like a junkie scratching for another score...<P>You may want to look at a thread I started yesterday entitled "Betrayers - Total Recall or Memory Blackout?" I wanted to understand the nature of this insensitivity.<p>[This message has been edited by Shattered1 (edited September 20, 1999).]

Lostva.....I was reading your profile and wondered if you are legally separated? Since H is planning on putting OW on your family insurance, maybe you need to contact some legal counsel here. Why should you be paying to support this OW? Please protect yourself. Hang in there. I hope that your H will wake up and see this OW as she truly is....nothing but a fantasy...

I know how you feel but that doesn't help. My theory is that when they are afraid that they are close to realizing that the affair is a fanasy, they can stop from returning home is to cut you off. I'm not sure that I am explaining this very well. They are afraid and they only way they can keep this high is not to come home but they know that if they are with you or the family they may come home and inorder not to they became mean and won't have any thing to do with you are their family. Also the OW may realize she is starting lose her hold on him and pulling out all stops to keep him. He is really mixed up more then usual. I don't know maybe it is agood sign that he is beginning to wake up Good luck and hang in there.<P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

Thanks, Everybody. It took me by such surprise when he got so mean. I mean, I didn't even ask him any questions, he just started spouting off. Everyone had been talking about how much they knew he wanted to come home, then he cuts EVERYONE off. Said terrible things about his mom, his family. <P>Pondvj - thanks for the words of encouragement. I thought I was getting better with all this. Guess my hopes got up with the last few visits and he popped my balloon. BTW, Sweetie SOLD her car, and then told him he was her only means of transportation. How's that for manipulation??<P>Shattered - I've been reading that thread. Been reading ALL the threads even though I don't post much anymore. After discovery and his subsequent moving out, he had some rather cruel moments, but never like today. He started out concerned about me, but jumpy as a cat, then started going off!!! I HOPE this means reality is setting in.<P>No Trust - I talked him out of the insurance thing - he saw that it wasn't a good idea - I felt like it was her idea. I told him if he was going to do that, just sign the car over to her, I didn't mind (I really don't - I hate the thing). Then she could get her own insurance. I sure hope he wakes up too.<P>SDS - I hope your theory is right. I'm plan A-ing my butt off here and I've been good. I could use a good sign!!!<P>Thanks, guys. Now I can go into the meeting w/ my new boss (could get the ax today) without falling apart ahead of time!!!<P>Lori

Sorry, just wanted to give you guys an update. I'm home now - thanks to you, made it through work. I've found out more about H. I've been antsy all weekend, worried to death about something, just didn't know what. He didn't just pass out Friday nite - he had a seizure. H had 3 seizures as a teenager - drug induced, we figure, but hasn't had one since he was sixteen. Been off Dilantin for more than 10 years. No problems whatsoever. Sweetie got him to take her to see Stigmata Friday nite, even though according to mil, he didn't want to see it. During the crucifixion scene, he seized - called the paramedics and off he went to the hospital. Sweetie didn't call anyone in his family. He's scared, now. I could tell it in his voice. <P>I asked him why he was yelling, so angry with me. "It's not you, Lori. I'm not yelling at you. I'm just so f**g (ok, not my normal husband here) tired of having to drive all over everywhere and not be able to go anywhere on my own, I don't know what to do." Didn't mention all the mean things he was saying that were different from what he had BEEN saying. MIL says that since he came over here and spent ALL DAY with me and d, (Sweetie told MIL the next day that we messed up ALL her plans - TEE HEE) he has not called or visited ANY of his family. Didn't even go to help Mom and Pop prepare for the hurricane OR call to see if they made it through ok. Now, admittedly, mom and pop make it VERY clear they don't like Sweetie and that H should get HOME. But at least one of his sisters (married to his ex-best friend and very close to H) has not done that - tried to keep communication open. He won't see her or return her calls either. He has COMPLETELY cut himself off from everyone - or she has and he's going along with it. I'm worried about the seizures, too.<P>Anyway - got a question. Please answer. Some of you who have read my threads know that I send him a letter every week. Nothing serious, news from home kinda thing, mostly funny and entertaining, with one sentence or short paragraph of nostalgia. ending with "I love you". that's it. Today I really want to write him a letter about life - I don't know, us, generalities, forgiveness of yourself and others. Just something to let him know that mistakes are just that - mistakes. And that forgiveness is not impossible. Is this a love-buster? To let him know I'm worried, that I want him to be happy and well, that I DO still love him and can - actually am already starting to - forgive him. Or is it a bad idea? Please, please PLEASE give me some input. I don't want to push him away - Plan A was working - little by little. But like MIL says, he could've called anyone to blast for an hour today, but he called me, not something he's been doing much of. She says it's because he trusts me and knows I'm his friend and he can show his fear (the yelling) with me and no one else. Not Sweetie, not her or Pop, OR his brothers and sisters, just with me. I don't know, but she knows him pretty well - or did anyway. None of us seen to anymore. <P>So whaddaya think? Too intense for now to write the letter. I've tried to stay away from the subjects of Sweetie AND our marriage so far.<P>Thanks for all the help.<P>Lori

Lori-<P>Thank goodness. I can't get to my e-mail. I'll try later. I have been so worried about you today. I read your thread and I thought, how much more can this women take!!<P>Are you ok? You sound a little better now. I think that maybe 'reality' is starting to sink in. I sounds to me let Robert is getting very tired of this game- whatever it is-.<P>I think that you should write the letter. Hell-what harm will it do. I don't think that is a lovebuster. I think that he needs to know that you love him and that you want to forgive him, but you cant' do that without him. <P>Maybe I'm way off base here, but I think maybe Sweetie is getting on his last nerve. She is trouble anyway, and whatever this hold she has on him, he might be starting to think it's not worth it.<P>I'll be back. I need to try and fix my e-mail.<P>Sending you my love,<P>Cheryl