And on top of seeing an IC, you will have to put in place some EXTRAORDINARY measures to keep yourself from getting tempted again...

Like...no "friendships" with people of the opposite sex.
...open email accoutns and cell phone records.
...letting H know of your whereabouts.

It will be tough when you tell H, but better you tell him than he find out...

FL: For me, my personal relationship with God has been in the past what has got me through a lot of hard times. That's why it's so important to me to also regain that back along with my relationship with my husband.

However, my husband doesn't view things like I do. And that's what causes a lot of arguments.

But back to the issue at hand...I did see your reply about the timing. I do want to figure out what's going on with me before I even try to explain to my H what is going on.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do want to figure out what's going on with me
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">good for you, that in and of itself is a big step and a perhaps a difficult one, it was for me because i had to really look at the person i became and it was not a very pretty site!!

so when is your first IC session?

time is not really on your side, i am sure you realize, it would be much better for you to confess than for your H to discover it some other way. figure what is going on inside of you but don't take too long (no pressure!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

i'm taking off for the day, i'll keep my eye out for your posts. all the best.

p.s. if you want some good books, i found Lord I Want to be Whole (although I did not read this entire book) and Breaking Free (although I have not finished this entire book yet! lol) to be very helpful

a book i plan to get next, (i found reference to it in the book A Woman and her God) , is Into Abba's Arms

I agree with those that said, establish NC immediately. And start IC immediately. If you do both of those things, I really think you should hold off, only slightly on telly hubby. If you don't keep NC, then I think that hubby deserves to know immediately and take measures to protect himself.

If you do that (hold off a few weeks), you might be through the worst of withdrawl(4-5 weeks of ZERO contact) and have some insight through counseling as to what is going on. You will have support and advice to your individual situation. Perhaps you can even enlist your counselor's assistance into confessing to your husband. (since he only guessed the first time, I would make sure that you confess that he was in fact right about that as well, if that didn't come out already. Come clean on EVERYTHING and be ready to be totally accountable)

If you have started on yourself, before telling him, then perhaps his Dday can be more about him and not quite so much about your withdrawl. You will have to be really strong though, but that will go a long way in supporting him and giving you guys the best chance there is.

****edit******

Thanks curly...I know that the first time it happened was because I was missing a lot emotional and domestic support from my H after we had our first child.

This time, I am not sure what happened. Everything at home was going good. I wasn't feeling neglected. OM and I started playfully flirting and I had never really viewed him as someone I would even have an A with. But slowly the talks became more deeper, I found a connection with him. He really appreciated me and made me feel beautiful.

Then I think, it made me notice the lack of attention from my H. He loves me, but it always seems like the physical attention I get from him is sexual. Not intimate or just truly enjoying spending quality time with me talking or just lying together.

It's going to be hard to do NC with the OM still there. I can't quit right now. The OM hates his job anyway and is ready to leave as soon as he gets an offer. He knows we have to end this. And since we were friends to begin with way before this, it's been really tough.

I am going to IC next week. So everyone pray for me and think about me. I will keep you updated.

BEING A BS , I KNOW THE THING THAT HELPS ME THE MOST ,EVEN THOUGH IT HURTS THE MOST , IS COMPLETE HONESTY ON EVERYTHING THAT HAS HAPPENED---NO DETYAILS ,BUT HOW AND WHEN IT HAPPENED

i'll keep looking for your posts adchic and i will put you in my prayers.

Adchic and FL - I think it's extremely risky to hold off coming clean with the betrayed husband for a very simple reason: he will find out eventually, whether Adchic tells him or not. It'll be WAY WAY WAY worse if he finds out from some other source, especially his own snooping.

Further, every moment you delay telling him is another moment of dishonesty.

Take it from a betrayed husband - or just about ANY betrayed spouse - it's the dishonesty that hurts the most. Get it over with, the sooner the better.

WAT

I agree with WAT, telling him should be the first step. You AND your H should figure out why it's happening. By NOT telling him you are only protecting yourself and hurting him. It hurts the M when one is not completely honest.

adchic:

Here is another reason to come clean:

Quid Pro Quo.

By not being honest and upfront with him, your are giving him permission to keep dark secrets from you. If you found out something he had not told you, you would have NO RIGHT to be angry or upset. You would have to accept this, because you are doing it to him.

It is disrespectful to hold such secrets. It really says you do not honor or value your H, that in your mind he is the inferior in the relationship. Ultimately, it is saying that he is not a human being in his own right, but merely a pawn in your life.

It will be an extremely rocky, distressing time if you tell him. It may even end in divorce. But, it may also be the opportunity to truly build a M of mutual love and respect.

hi adchic,

thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok. check in if you can.

Karen