Deceitful Women?

I got a phone call Saturday morning at 3:30 am from a man saying that he been F***ing my wife in my house while I travel for the past 5 years and that she told him that my 4 year old daughter was his. He then says she will lie cause that’s all she does, He mentioned a mole that’s on her left inner thigh as proof. Then he hung up. I’ve confronted my wife about it and she denies it. This is tearing me up, Have I been that stupid to not know my wife was having an affair. What about my daughter? Should I pay any attention to the call, should I believe my Wife? My wife says that I’m being stupid and hurting her because I’m not trusting her. How did he know about her mole, that I travel for work, that I have a 4 year old daughter? I want a paternity test, she’s says I being ridiculous. I so scared and confused. I’m thinking she’s been having an affair for 5 years my daughter is not mine, and she’s says I’m being ridiculous. Well a paternity test would answer the questions. Is it all true and she’s playing like I’m the bad one? What does it say about a woman who has deceived her husband for over 4 years by covering up the fact that another man conceived his daughter? What did I marry? Any comments would be greatly appreciated. Frank

What a terrible situation. I would ask your wife to rest your mind by volunteering to take a paternity test. That will clear her good name and exonerate her, she should welcome this opportunity.

And in the meantime, I would have your house watched and/or come home early to see what is going on. Perhaps you could ask this caller to come meet with y'all to discuss this?

P.S. it is much better to investigate and find out the facts than to worrry and wonder what you are married to. That is really not fair to your wife. She deserves to be exonerated if she is innocent.

So sorry your hear, but this sounds to me like a lover scorned. This is scary stuff. Be careful as you proceed forward.

Try not to make any harsh or quick decision. Your emotions will run away with you right now.

Hopefully...maybe this is someone you work with..someone your wife knows from the past...long before she met you.

Take it one day at a time, believe nothing you hear, even out of your wife's mouth for now.

If this person has "proof"...it will surface.

Just be on your best behavior right now...don't say or do anything you are bound to regret.

I'm glad you found us. It's a great place to start unraveling this stuff.

Hello Frank,

Gross.What a horrific call to get in the middle of the night.I am so sorry! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know you are scared and confused but in all honesty,if your W wasn't invovled with this psycho caller,in some fashion,then she should be more supportive of how something like this has now turned your world upside down.She SHOULD agree to a paternity test asap.I think she may be hesitant since she knows if it happens and the child is not yours afterall,she is in major trouble and doesn't want to get caught.I sure hope I'm wrong though.

Listen,stay with us ok? You need some major support and let us help.Start taking steps to uncover the truth though.In my opinion though,I wouldn't ask this foul mouthed caller to come and pay a visit.You have no idea who this man is,if he has some vendetta or what and you don't want him around you especially when you are so vulnerable and upset.This is now up to your W to come clean if there is anything to this.Lying about it now is only going to deep six any shred of hope she has of redeeming herself.

I sincerely wish this is only a hoax.Let us know how things are going.

O

Hmmmmm.

How has your marriage been the last five years?

Does your child look like you?

Any info from the call? A phone number on caller ID?

What's her explanation of the mole evidence?

When are you going out of town again? Don't these trips sometimes get cancelled at the last moment? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Stupid question time, but...do you need your wife's permission to do a paternity test on your child?

Any resistance to the paternity test warrants you to proceed further. That the possibility exists and her reaction should give you enough eveidence to second guess everything.

I wouldn't hesitate on this. Get the test.

I suggest you take some time before jumping on the test bandwagon.

Are there ANY other clues?

See my earlier questions.

And don't forget, a test that proves you the father doesn't disprove an affair.

WAT

Frank,

I posted to yu and Andrew about Paternity but it ended up on another thread.

You can go to court to get an order for Paternity Testing if your wife refuses to.Ideally,a sample should be taken from all three involved: mother,father,child for accurate results.

O

<small>[ November 24, 2004, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

SoDone76,

There is also another possibility that you may not have considered and that is that the scumbag who called you up was a scorned XBF [ex boyfriend] who might have been intimate with her before you two knew each other.

I would talk to your W in a calm, quiet and respectful way and ask her how she would feel if she got a call at 3:30 in the morning from a woman who said that you and her had been having sex for 4 years and that you have an OC [other child] by her? Wouldn't she like to verify whether the OW [other woman] was telling the truth or not for her own peace of mind? Doing this would hopefully help her empathize with your situation and be more willing to agree to have a DNA test done on your child. If she has truly nothing to hide then she would welcome this to silence any distrust you have of her once and for all.

TMCM

<small>[ November 24, 2004, 01:09 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Thank you all for your responses, what a great site. To answer some of the questions, I’ve always thought we had a good marriage and a good life together. We have been together for over eight years, so an ex-boyfriend after all this time just does not make any sense. My daughter looks just like my wife so it’s hard for me to say if she looks like me. This has just sent me on such a loop. My gut is telling me that her shifting the blame to me being untrusting and her unwillingness to do a paternity test, I just feel there is a good chance this is true. My whole life, family everything is on the line here. I don’t know exactly how a paternity test works, but I have put a call into my attorney but he’s out until Monday because of the holiday. I just can’t believe that if this has been going on for this long that I have been blind to it. I don’t know what I will do if it’s true, Can a person that takes a vow before God really be this deceitful? This not knowing is making me so sick, I’m not leaving town again until next Wednesday, I don’t want to go. I have the rest of the week off so I plan on going through everything looking for something, I don’t know what but I’m sure I’ll know if I find it. Thanks again for all of you who responded. It really helps. Frank

SoDone,
If it were me, I would simply sit my wife down and explain that getting this kind of telephone call has created a feeling of such horrible anxiety that it cannot be disregarded.

I would then proceed to tell her that as things are, you will get to the bottom of this matter one way or another no matter how long it takes and no matter what you have to do. That you will not be able to put this behind you until you know the entire truth. Further, the first step you intend to take is to have your daughter given a paternity test but that this will not be the end of it. That this allegation will be investigated until you are sure that you have the whole truth.

Then ask her in the name of any love that she has for you, or has ever had for you to tell you everything now. Tell her as things are that you can’t imagine a life with out her but that now is the time to come forward if there is anything that needs to be confessed, because if you have to find out on your own, and you will find out, the process will be so terrible that any chance for solving this problem together will probably be destroyed leading to and ending in both your lives that is to horrible to even comprehend. And then wait to see what she has to say. Watch her eyes. Do not loose eye contact for one second while you are saying all of this. By the end of this conversation you will have some idea as to what the facts really are.

So sorry.
coach