Well, here we are on Thanksgiving Eve. MY fww is home for a week tonight and committed to our M. My EN's are not being met yet, but I am working on meeting hers.

My family (my mother in particular) swears that she will never again have any contact with my fww and that she is never welcome in her home due to 'what she has done to me'. However, she called yesterday to tell me that she hopes I will come to Thanksgiving dinner at her house. Today, I will have to tell her I cannot...I know it will hurt her deeply

My Mother was a lot of the problem in our marriage which led to the conditions for the A to happen. She has never respected the privacy of my wife and my home together (had a key and used it whenever she pleased) made it clear that my wife was not 'good enough for me' in her eyes, etc.

I know what I must do and will do it. It's just difficult to burn a bridge and hurt someone who has dedicated their life to you when the person you are doing it for (I know I am also doing it for myself) has so recently betrayed all your trust and can't show you the love and support you need from them.

Sucks...plain and simple.

This Turkey Day is going to suck. I'm trusting that there will be better ones next year and beyond. I am going to be thankful about the good things, my health, my kids, my family, my supportive friends. The fact that even though things hurt, at least I KNOW what's going on. I've had a dark night, so thing have to look better today.

I think you're making progress HH. Bless you and good luck.

To echo HC's sentiments, good luck HH.

I hope that your mother finds it in her heart to understand and forgive your WW, when your WW has proven that she is repentent.

I don't envy you this tough predicament you are in right now, but do understand your mother's anger. Hopefully at some point she recognize's the part she played in causing trouble in your marriage.

She has never respected the privacy of my wife and my home together (had a key and used it whenever she pleased) made it clear that my wife was not 'good enough for me' in her eyes, etc.

It was your job to nip this in the bud...the first time it reared it's head...

your wife's privacy...and your mothers disrepect of it...was equal in disrepecting your privacy...

It's just difficult to burn a bridge and hurt someone who has dedicated their life to you when the person you are doing it for (I know I am also doing it for myself) has so recently betrayed all your trust and can't show you the love and support you need from them.

yet your mothers disrespect of your wife hurt your wife and your marriage....

and in her intrusivesness did not show you the love and support you needed from her...

the good news is that this can be fixed...
on your end..
lovingly and by example...
and it may come to pass that your mother chooses not to change....
but that can not hinder your changes...

you and your wife are family and must be an undividable front...

let your mom know in the mnst lovingly way that you can not come tomorrow..but really hope for a time when all the family can be together...

go slow..
pray
be there for your wife..never let your mom divide you two again..

ark

HH, you aren't burning a bridge by doing something you should have done long ago.

When a man marries a woman, she becomes his family and his first priority. Lots of mothers have a hard time accepting this. It sounds like your mother never really did accept it.

She should never have had a key to your house. Tell her you want it back. She'll live.

Boundary!

GC

HH,
Your mother probably will be hurt. This is not the important issue. You have your wife with you and you must do everything you can for her. You need to tell your mom how you feel about your wife. My mom tells me that if my WW wants to leave that I can find someone better. I tell her that there is no one better only different. This board is proving that more. Due to a RO I will not be able to see my kids this Thanksgiving. I will go to my mom's house. If there was no RO and my wife asked me to come to the house for Thanksgiving I would be there in a heartbeat. Remember your priorities: God, wife, kids, other family, job, etc.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She has never respected the privacy of my wife and my home together (had a key and used it whenever she pleased) made it clear that my wife was not 'good enough for me' in her eyes, etc.

It was your job to nip this in the bud...the first time it reared it's head...

your wife's privacy...and your mothers disrepect of it...was equal in disrepecting your privacy... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right you are, sadly, I am just now realizing that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> go slow..
pray
be there for your wife..never let your mom divide you two again.. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guarantee that

I feel your pain, This turkey day i'm just greatful that I will still be sitting at a table with the people I love most, and this turkey day I plan on saying my own little prayer for all of you..

Have a happy and blessed turkey day and remember that it is a day for forgiving and starting new relationships. Count your blessing , even the small ones..

My blessings are very simple.

I'm thankful for all the great people on this forum who have supported my time of need,

I'm thankful for my children and there on going support of what i'm fighting for.

I'm thankful for my ww still being in are home

I'm thankful for the Om and his part in waking me of my mistakes in my marriage (and wish him) <---- NOT even close to being true... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />