Hi,

well, the next weekend went by and again no phone call to the children.

As I already have mentioned in my other threat, I am going to start kind of a Plan B, such as not initiating contact from my side and be polite but cool in case of contact from his side.

For me it does not make sense to start a full blown Plan B because my WH is stationed in the US and the kids and I are here in Germany.
So since he is in the military, he is not free to go wherever he wants to and a Plan B might therefore more likely lead straight to divorce then recovery.
I know that usually you should not modify any of these Plans but in my case <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />


So again, I'll wait and see!
This weekend has been pretty rough for me again because a week ago my WH told me how much he still believes in our marriage and that we will work it out and be happier then before. He also said that he will clean up the mess he startet in Oklahoma and now...nothing! Is he really realizing this mess or is it just a split second when they get their heads out of the fog? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

However, ever since I send him this letter about our financial situation, he didn't call or email, except for a short "Gotcha" as an answer to my expenses information.

I wrote that mail very friendly and to the point, telling him that I do not wish to write this mail but that I find it very important for him to know that we really rely on his and my money to cover the house payments etc.
He does not have a clue what expenses we have here in Germany for the house, mortgage, taxes etc.

Well, now he knows.
In his next mail he'll ask me again to tell the kids "I love you, because I really do".

Funny way to show that!


You all take care

dakotamoon <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />


me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 10:18 AM: Message edited by: dakotamoon ]</small>

Dakota,

I am not sure why you havent gone to the IG with the Army. I was an IG, and I can tell you, they will not sweep this under the rug. Yes, they will order your husband to not see the OW until he is no longer married. But guess what? That could be for a long, long time if you drag it out. And thus, he will have to stay away from her. If he doesnt, then he is in violation of disobeying a direct order...a very, very bad thing.

Unlike civilians, the military is great that way. So, when a WS is in the military, they will be held to account for their illegal and immoral behavior. Sure, he could chose to divorce. But like I said, he wont be able to see OW until the divorce is final. How many months you think the OW is going to hang around and not be able to see him?

Call the IG. And prepare to go to Plan B. Your life is in upheaval and he is eating cake. As far as I am concerned, while he is continuing this affair, he doesnt have the honor nor character enough to serve in my Army.

In His arms.

Thanks mortarman for your reply,

you are right about the IG. My WH even teaches at the academy, good role model for ongoing NCO's isn't it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I tried before to contact his superiors but the first time the person that answered the phone had nothing better to do then tell my H I tried to call his 1SG and of course all of a sudden he was able to call me 6 times in one day!
I just didn't answer the phone because I knew what was coming.
Now, since he made the E-8 list, he tells me his sergeant major said he would help him to get an assignment to Germany but is that true, does a Sergeant Major at the academy has a say about jobs filled overseas?

However mortarman, my H lives there with the OW and her children very openly in a house and since many people still know us as a couple from Germany and know he is still married, tried as well to bring it to his superiors attention and the only thing that happened was, that his 1SG told him to take care of the situation.

So that was on the 2nd of august 2004 and on the 3rd I got an email from my H stating, that he wanted a divorce.
When I called him back about it, he said he was confused but he did not want a divorce.
Whenever he has to choose, he'll choose her over us.
Do you really think they would make him leave the house he lives in with her and make him stay away from her in the barracks? By the way, my H is smart, he says that another instructor lives in the house with them, wether it is true or not, couldn't that be his way out? Oh, we are all just roommaids!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Can he not also see her if he just files legal separation paperwork?
He once aked me, if since we are kind of separated anyway, we could not file legal separation paperworks and stated that it wouldn't make any difference.

I told him then, that to me it was a big difference because I did not want to sit here in a holding pattern, taking care of things and sign him off for the time being overseas to f**k around as much as he wishes with no consequences.

Any advice here?

Thanks very much!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dakotamoon

me 39
WH 34
OW 30
DS10,DD4
married 11 years
A startet 12/2003
DDay 6/6/2004

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 10:45 AM: Message edited by: dakotamoon ]</small>

Yes, the IG will make the command make him move out. The IG is not his superior. The IG works for the commnding general. You can go to the local base there in Germany and see the IG there. He will forward it to the appropriate IG for investigation.

Believe me, when the IG shows up...his 1SG will not be happy (I retired as a 1SG). And since his 1SG did not take care of business, he will come down hard on your husband for emabrassing him. After all, he did tell your husband to take care of business.

But that IG cannot whitewash things. He is only beholden to one thing...the laws and regulations of the United States Army. He is there to uphold them (that IS his job). He has no personal connection with the commander, 1SG or your husband. All he cares about is the truth, and with the laws and regs being followed. Period. He doesnt really care about you either. All he cares about is doing what is right.

Oh, to answer your other question...yes, the CSM can help him get his assignment. You might even talk to him before going to the IG. Tell him you were thinking about going to the IG, since the commander and 1SG didnt do anything about your hsuband's open adultery. Your CSM may want to take care of things before you see the IG.

According to the Army, your husband is married until he is no longer married. Is he sending you support? Are you getting his BAH (the housing allowance is for his family...not for him)?

So, ask all the questions you want. I was an IG for four years and I saw it all.

Remember, you went to the command before, he threatened divorce...and then did what? Nothing. All WSs threaten divorce when you make it uncomfortable for them. It is their way of keeping you in place so they can cake eat.

Stop it. Continue to remind him that you love him and want the marriage, etc. Just like in that letter yo usent him. But that you cannot allow him to continue to do what he is doing. And that you will be there if he decides to end things and work on the marriage. But until then, I think it is time to contact the IG and maybe go to Plan B. That will be your call based on his reactions to you notifying the IG.

In His arms.

raven,

Listen to MM chere! He's the perfect one to give you advice about dealing with the military. Trying to contact IG where H is stationed....will not help....do it instead where YOU are...as he suggested.

Hugs! Keep us posted.

Mortarman,

any idea how I can find out the SGM's phone number without everybody in the school knowing!
Do you think I could openly ask him if my H really talked to him about coming back to Germany? After all he does not know me and I know that my WH does not always talk about me the best way, at least not a while back. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Do you think he would talk to my H about all of this? That would make my H freak out because he would see it as me destroying his reputation and do things behind his back although he is trying everything to make everybody happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

No, he is fair with the money, he gives me half his pay although that makes him short too but he decided to buy himself a corvette right after DDay without letting me know about it or even talk to me about it first.

Well, now he has a very high monthly payment on the car but he knows that if he does not give me a certain amount, I won't be able to keep up with the mortgage for our house in Germany.

I'm working too as a flight attendant and that is the sad part; I can always get him tickets to come home and visit but ever since DDay he has not used them anymore, not even on Xmas.

I have been to Dallas twice since DDay which is only 3 hours from where he is stationed and still he always had excuses to not come see me.

Early January our son and I had been to Houston and he had told us that he would come see us but he never did. When our son called him and asked him where he was, he said that he was still in Oklahoma because he did not get a mileage pass.
How much truth is in that statement. He is a promotable E-7 and needs a mileage pass to go to Houston on a 4 day weekend?

Well, got to go right now and fix dinner for the kids, it was great mailing with you
take care


Ravenclaw

<small>[ February 01, 2005, 12:04 PM: Message edited by: Ravenclaw ]</small>

Just call the main number at the academy and ask for the SGM's number. You dont have to say who you are. Then call him.

You can tell him why you are scared to come to him. Tell him what you said here. He could phrase it in a way that he heard things about your husband and wanted to see what was what. Believe me, that SGM does not want the IG involved in his units.

On the mileage thing...yes, usually there is a mileage barrier that you cannot go outside of unless on pass or leave. But I am willing to be that if it was a 4 day weekend, he could have got one if he wanted it. Especially as an SFC.

So, call the SGM and find out what's up on his transfer. Then go by your local base and call the IG. That IG will then forward your IGAR to the local IG at your husband's post. And they will take it from there.

In His arms.

Thanks a lot Mortarman and Starfish,

I had no idea there were so many things I could do!

I'll keep you up to date!

I thank the lord for letting me find this site, that keeps me going, for the sake of our children!

Ravenclaw <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />