Just thinking of you this a.m. and wondering how you are.

Knowing that if you moved out today will be hard, and knowing that if you did not move out then today will be hard too.

Knowing holidays are sometimes not much fun for the families of an abusive alcoholic, I am thinking of you and hoping you are well.

weaver

Hi Weaver, thanks for checking on me. I am OK I think. Still going to IC. H still can’t find the time to go, although he has time to deer hunt.

Big blow up last week, then calm before the storm. Why do I do this to myself? Let him talk me into staying, everything we be fine, we’ll start over again. Blah Blah..

Then on turkey day, my older DD calls me from out west to tell me my younger DD has plans to visit with older DD worthless x-boyfriend. He and her boyfriend are still friends and feed the x info about older DD.
Younger DD knows that is a crime in this family…with bad repercussions…to even talk to him, let alone visit.

I told H we must go. I wanted to find out if DD was going to meet older DD’s xbf.
H completely exploded on the way home. He must have said the F word in every way possible. I just cringed in my seat begging him to please stop. I can’t believe I was to the point of jumping out of the vehicle.

Why does this upset me so? I can not take listening to it. Every word is a knife.

So big blowup, H calls my DD out west, tells her to keep her life to herself, do not call your mother and involve her ect…..

DD calls me, says mom I am trying to protect my sister from x. X claims he has had sex with sister, drives her car, she visits often.

H says it’s all bull, DD needs to get rid of x for good, but won’t…that’s why there so much crap brought back home…that’s why he (H) explodes…get my head out of my a**.

Now, this episode was against one of my boundaries…I refuse to be treated this way any longer…and he does anyway….

Today I said again I am moving…H says it’s all older DD’s fault, we were fine, now look what she did…

What do I do? When do we as parents choose a spouse over a child? I should not have to make that choice. How dare he put me in that position…that is what this has been about for several years…I wonder if I even love him anymore. He is so self-righteous, and talks over the top of me..it’s whoever can yell the loudest that gets heard. Always him of course..
I see no future. All I see is repeats…and repeats…calm and storm forever after…
Danneill

How are you Weaver? I read your recent post. Sorry about the fiance. Wish I could help you in some way. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ..I certainly do not have the knowhow. Look at my mess. Hug to you though...

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 05:55 PM: Message edited by: Danneill ]</small>

I'm okay Danniell. Still trying to learn and implement, and learn and implement.

I knew last week would be bad at your house, such is the way in that type of dynamics.

No he should not put you in that position, you should be united for the good of the family.

I would choose my daughter over any man, any way, and any how. But that is just me, and one boundary which I never had to learn to implement, it is a just the way it is for me.

I am glad you are still in IC. You'll get through this and know when the time is right to make a move. If I can do it, anyone can do it.

Did you read Ark's reply to me? Could be the truth in your sitch if you decide to really leave him, and set up some healthy boundaries for the family and yourself.

Take care Danniell.

Danielli,

How old are your children? Are they out on their own?

At some point you have to quit rescuing.

Sorry weaver, I disagree.

The H comes first and then the kids, this does NOT mean the kids do not matter, they do, VERY much. I am basing my beliefs on what the Bible says. When I made my H head of the household, it ALL fell into place and things are MUCH better. When I put my kids ahead of my H, and his opinions, things were not good in my household. Just my VHO.

Sorry that whoever yells the loudest wins. I would not be in that contest. This was the case in my household. I started stepping back, not reacting, and thought first about what would be the best reaction, or action if you will, that was the healthiest for me, my M, my family. It sure did help alot. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I hope things work out for you, however, I disagree with kids having you running to them to help work it out, when they are adults and need to learn from their own mistakes.

Not to say that this isn't horrific with OD and YD with xbf situation. They need to work it out. You can only hope and pray they will do what is right in the end. I am sorry that your H is F'ing this and that all over the place. It doesn't help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

But you cannot control him, you can only control yourself.

God grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know the difference. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

FYI, I have always had the problem with that prayer with the WISDOM to know the difference. LOL. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Please try to step back and decide what is best for all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

I know Miss M, but in my case my DD's dad is married to someone else now, and I am not married. So for DD and I, she comes first. My sitch is quite a bit different, so I should have been more specific to me, I guess.

weaver,

In your situation, I agree.

It's all good. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M