This thread is for FWS’s and BS’s who’s FWS’s still work with the OP and/or work at the same company as the OP. Of course the first thing for the FWS to do must be to quit or find another job if possible. However, while the FWS still work with the OP and/or at the same company as him/her, this thread can be very helpful.
I’ve compiled the following list of ideas (I’ve also used previous threads and posts on this topic) on how to do NC and work and suggestions that can help the FWS and BS to cope with this. Anyone is welcome to add extra ideas/suggestions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Here goes:
How to do NC at work The FWS must not do any of the behaviors that made the A possible in the first place e.g.:
1. No lunches, coffee, drinks, socializing even in a group when the OP is present,
unless the spouse is also present.
2. No revealing personal information. ie "How's your life." Answer shortly and walk away or turn to the conversation to the pertinent business.
3. No asking for personal information.
4. No receiving personal information, if the OP starts volunteering,
brusquely turn the conversation to the pertinent business.
5. The FWS must not worry about being polite, the marriage is more important than politeness to someone you want out of your life.
6. If the FWS can make any choices not to work with the OP or can pass a task with or about the OP onto another co-worker, he/she must do so.
7. The FWS must not engage in chit chat with the OP.
8. The FWS must avoid one on one.
9. The FWS must goes way out of his/her way to stay out of the OP’s way where possible.
10. The FWS must NEVER do anything that might be construed as a favor e.g. don't run off a report for him/her if it's not his/her job, fill his/her coffee cup when the OP is next in line etc.
11. The FWS can ignore the OP when he/she asks a direct (non-work related) question.
Business Business Business and accountability to the spouse on anything that crosses that line.When the OP may try to contact the FWS for things other than work, the FWS can tell him/her: "I Love my Husband/Wife and I'm working on my marriage".
The FWS must take the initiative to inform the BS of anything outside of business and this will help to build the trust between the FWS and BS back up. The FWS can even talk to the BS and ask for his/her input e.g. "this happened today and I felt you should know. I am going to take these actions to prevent this from happening in the future. Do you have any suggestions?"
Some other suggestions:
1. The FWS and BS can pray together EVERY morning before he/she leaves for work.
2. The FWS can let the BS know by calling the BS if the FWS have to work with the OP or in a group with the OP that particular day – that way the BS will know if there's contact going on or not.
3. At days end the FWS can tells the BS anything that was said between him/her and the OP e.g. any look the OP might have given him/her, any favor the OP might have done for him/her, and then the BS can discuss those encounters to HIS/HER (the BS) satisfaction. If the BS think they were unimportant, he/she can let them pass, but if they seemed like the OP was hitting on the FWS, the BS can discuss it further. The FWS must be willing to ALWAYS answers the BS’s questions without getting testy, or aggravated.
4. The FWS can find a same sex co-worker to become friends with that will be handy to "interrupt" if the OP gets cornered. (Especially if there's someone who knows what has happened that knows how committed the FWS is to his/her M and spouse now).
5. The FWS can tell one other trusting co-worker about what happened and if the BS have ANY questions he/she might have about how the FWS is acting toward the OM at any given time, the BS can ask that person. Even if the BS never asks this person a question, the option is there should the BS ever get suspicious.
6. If there is any accidental contact between the FWS and OP, he/she can inform the BS as soon as possible. The FWS must be totally honest and open towards the BS about ANY contact.
<small>[ November 26, 2004, 07:01 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>
