Ouch TMCM!! but you are absolutely right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I''ve lurked here enough to know that everybody here would advise me to tell her everything. I just can't. You may think I'm a slimy snivelling worm for this but I just don't have the courage. I would die for this woman and I don't want to cause her so much pain. I also don't ever want to lose her.

sorry triplepost

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: CuriosityKilledTheCat ]</small>

sorry doublepost

CKTC,

Let me ask you this: if you say you would die for your W,that she means that much to you and you are not just paying us lip service,why wouldn't you take our advice and tell your W about the A? Do you not understand that even though your W will undergo the worst pain imaginable when you tell,most,if not all,BS's would WANT to know about this problem? Aren't you just protecting yourself from the damage you created?

Sooner or later,the truth will come out.Most of the time it does,one way or another.But what looks best in the eyes of the BS is that YOU were truthful THIS TIME and that you want to make the marriage better.I can't speak for anyone but myself but after being here over a year,I can tell you that most of us feel the same.It's bad enough to make the decision to cheat,but then,to try and cover it up or not make things better is just as bad if not worse.

When my WH told me about his A,and after some time where I could at least get out of bed and not contemplate suicide,all I really wanted was to have my WH back,to love me and make ME his priority,as well as our family.That hasn't happened and will not ever as far as I can see.

You are robbing your W of the CHOICE to stay or to go when she finds out.You are robbing her of truth and honesty,things everyone has a right to in marriage.You are a thief as well as a liar and cheat.The list is getting longer CKTC.Please start making some appropriate and selfless decisions in your life.

We can help you and your W through this.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CuriosityKilledTheCat:
Ouch TMCM!! but you are absolutely right. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I''ve lurked here enough to know that everybody here would advise me to tell her everything. I just can't. You may think I'm a slimy snivelling worm for this but I just don't have the courage. I would die for this woman and I don't want to cause her so much pain. I also don't ever want to lose her. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What I think about you is not important but what you think of yourself [or your W of you] is.

One way to come clean is to let her know that if she any questions about your past, to go ahead and ask them. The point is to give her back that which you took away from her while you were engaged, the right to know everything about you.

Granted that you technically did not break any marital vows with your multiple ONS while the two of you were engaged BUT you did rob her of the right to know what you did and thus she married you under false pretenses.


TMCM

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 01:23 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Hi CKTC,

I must say, my past sexual experiences with men have made me very unlikely to stray. But thats just me.

You do need to tell her. Its really hard, but it will be worth it in the end. Your marriage up until now has been based on lies.

One very important thing: when you tell her, do not omit or lie about ANYTHING. She will know if its not the whole truth, and you will end up hurting her even more.

By telling her everything in one go you will have made an enormous step in rebuilding her trust for you.

Wishing you luck.