I'm new to this. This hasn't been going on long. I've been trying to protect my kids, especially my young daughter from the A. Since their dad was working hard all summer and then physically gone for 9 weeks, I thought they hadn't been feeling his distance as much since he came home. After we came back to an empty house after our family Thanksgiving dinner, of course without WH, my daughter said "If Dad has to work on Christmas Eve, I'm going to be so mad!" I knew then that she had to know that it wasn't work that was keeping him away. Right or wrong, she had to know more of the situation. Her brother and I sat with her while I explained in little depth what was going on with her dad. She cried and cried and cried.

I am so worried about my little daughter. She's at that tender tweener age. My SIL whose dad did this same thing when she was 20, says that what her dad did influenced her relationship with men the rest of her life. She said until she meet my BIL (who had a badly WW before this marriage) she thought that men were always suppose to cheat and leave. I don't want my daughter to be that way.

Does anybody have suggestions to help this?

Hi Carol,

I can sympathize greatly with what you are going through.I have 2 daughters around your D's age and having all this A business come out has changed the dynamics of all our relationships dramatically.In my case,I have become so much closer to my girls.They know they can trust me,that I will be there for them and I have always put their needs FIRST.I have become even closer to my In-Laws and SIL.

In the case of my WH,they have lost faith in him and men.They were taught that it is ok to leave in times of trouble.They were taught that men leave and that they can longer feel confident about him and being with him.They probably have also changed their feelings about marriage.Maybe subconsciously now.My older D has pulled away and my youngest has gone in the other direction: she clings to him in the hopes that by sheer will,she can make him stay just by being with him physically.

Unfortunately,all we can do as the BS and stable parent is to set a good example of what it means to be a good parent.One who can be trusted and loving and will not fail them.One who can support them and put their needs first above all other's.Teach them right from wrong and don't lie to them about reality.That's all we can do.Hopefully it will make enough of an impact that at the very least,will make our D's stronger and more assured about who they pick in later life and what they will and will not settle for in a relationship.They need to go in with their eyes wide open.

Perhaps that is the gift we can give to our children.The benefit of knowing how to avoid and protect themselves from disgusting and abhorrent Infidelity.As parents we DO impact their lives with regards to other people and how to behave.It s a duty though to show them the RIGHT way to behave and live,not the bad and selfish way.Somewhere along the way the WS forgets that big time!

I hope this helps.

O

<small>[ November 26, 2004, 09:45 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Thanks Octobergirl. I was talking to my kids about the relationship thing. I told D that not all people are bad. Some just make bad decisions. You just have to find a good one.

My WH has never been big on parenting. The kids admit that I am the stable one who raised them. I asked my D last night what she saw in my brother and his wife and who they acted during dinner at their house. She said how they shared things and worked together. How their kids worked with them.

I think my kids will probably want big time separation from their dad. They feel as hurt as I do. But it's too early to tell about things.

Keep writing me OG about your girls. I want to know how best to help my kids. Advice from the trenches is good. Thanks