There is a possability my H is having A, How can I find out for sure without spending money or him finding out, in case it's not true?

atenlinda, if he were having an affair, how would he communicate with her? Think about that and start from there. Does he have a cell phone? If so, get his detailed cell phone bill. You can usually get it up to the minute online.

Why not just ask? If he has nothing to hide,he won't act suspicious.If he gets all blustery and angry,soemthing may be up.

I know that if my WH had ever asked me if I was cheating,I would be very forthright with him and ask him why he felt this way.No secrets right?

O

What are you willing to invest to find out? What will you do with the info once you do find out? Can you handle the worst possible of circumstances? What type of support group do you have? What are you doing to improve yourself to be able to withstand possible bad news?

L.

Trust your gut instincts.

Also keep notes of unusual behavior, way he dresses wherever he goes, unusual patterns developing.

Check his car sometime when he's not home and you can do a thorough search, wallet etc.

And most importantly get the book His Needs, Her Needs,by Willard Harley (you can buy on this website) and start learning what you can do to make your marriage better.

Let us know why you think an affair is possible. We've practically heard it all and can be of help!

he said he loves me but he's not in love with me and that he needed time alone to sort his feelings and decide if he wants to stay in the marriage or leave.I just jotted down 27 signs some of which include,recently started buying breath mints and keeping them in his truck- buying new clothes-he's never home and when he is,he's sleeping or finding an excuse to leave-He told me specific times when I will not be able to reach him on his cell because he will be so busy with work that he can't answer-he started getting up at 3:30am and leaving for work at 4am, the boss arrives at 5am,claims he was given a key to office since becomming supervisor.I don't know if I should worry or if I am over-reacting but I do know that I want him to come home and I want this marriage to work,I love him.

Loves you but is not IN LOVE with you....check

Needs time alone to SORT OUT his feelings whether or not to stay or go....check.

Buying NEW CLOTHES....check.

Leaving for work EARLY without an appropriate reason why...check.

He's never HOME....check.

Lists specific times he WILL NOT be reachable on his CELL....check.

My GUESS linda is that he is indeed having an affair.Too many standard flags here waving.SO sorry.I would confront him with what you know.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> AtenLinda/OctGirl: Loves you but is not IN LOVE with you....check </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Yea, me too. Who are you anyway? What did you do with my H?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> AtenLinda/OctGirl: Needs time alone to SORT OUT his feelings whether or not to stay or go....check. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Yea, me too. When R U going to give me that time? (Be prepared that his exit plans could already be in motion).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> AtenLinda/OctGirl: Buying NEW CLOTHES....check. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Wow, did you get a bonus? I want to go shopping to? Let's return some of these clothes and buy new one's together. (Don't be tempted like me to cut holes in his BVD's. LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> AtenLinda/OctGirl: Leaving for work EARLY without an appropriate reason why...check. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Put a voice activated recorder in his vehicle. Hire a PI or follow him yourself. Just be prepared to hear and see some real hurtful stuff. MB here can help with that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> AtenLinda/OctGirl: He's never HOME....check. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Let him wonder where you are. If they even suspect you suspect, hint that you already may know more than they think. Leave them (WS & OP) wondering. It really puts a kink in their A. They now have to spend more time wondering what you are up to. This one is hard but if you pull it off, it is kinda fun!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> AtenLinda/OctGirl: Lists specific times he WILL NOT be reachable on his CELL....check. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Ok, then have you and your support group call him at these times. After all in fog talk, don't call me means call me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> OctGirl: My GUESS linda is that he is indeed having an affair.Too many standard flags here waving.SO sorry.I would confront him with what you know.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">BS suggested response: Yea, I agree. Don't minimize these signs. If he isn't, he sure has a lot of apologizing and making up to do. Of which you still w/b the recipient.

Don't let him fog babble you. Practice reverse babble. It will hurt less. Strengthen your immediate support group and get with a good Mc. Better yet, get with Steve @ MB for some phone counseling. Worth every penny. Read the books from here. If he babbles, hear it, shake your head and walk away. WS' want to be in the know. That way they are better armed at disarming the BS. Don't give them any weapons.

take care,
L.