At Pepperband's suggestion, here's a question for everyone:

What will it look like when you have peace?

And since I recently read some Byron Katie (or possibly someone else; I can't recall where I read the questions that were similar to these), let me follow that up with a few more questions:

How will people know you have peace?
How will you live differently?
How will you interact with your family differently?
What will your friends see that's different about you?
How will you work differently?
What will look different in your house?
What will look different in work or school?
What things will you do that you don't do now, today?

And how many of these COULD you do right now, today, if only you decided that you were going to?

What will it look like when you have peace?

My life will still look messy. My heart and mind will feel serene despite my surroundings.

How will people know you have peace?

They may not know. It's internal ... a love and acceptance inside of me. If "people" do not have their own peace, I doubt they will reognize mine.

How will you live differently?

I will live accepting lifes twists and turns without needing to react every time.

How will you interact with your family differently?

Less teeth clenching. More understanding. No need to panic. Less fusion about ownership of problems.

What will your friends see that's different about you?

Friends will see smiling and confidence. Friends will hear less complaining.


How will you work differently?

Peace at work ... hmmmmmm
Asking for what I need from co-workers with a pleasant demeanor. Resolving conflict with patients easily and without residual feelings.

What will look different in your house?

The same. Maybe more organized. Maybe more flower arrangements. Maybe more home-cooked meals.

What will look different in work or school?

Not in school. Over-educated already <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

What things will you do that you don't do now, today?

Have more opportunity to relax and enjoy family, read more books, listen to more music, eat more healthy variety of foods. Exercise more. Have more sex. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And how many of these COULD you do right now, today, if only you decided that you were going to?

All of 'em!

Pep

Just J,

I am going to answer this question from where I am right now, today. And only the first one since I can't seem to get past the black cloud which hangs over me and prevents me from thinking about the other areas of my life which have been sorely neglected since "love" came to town, almost 4 years ago.

What will it look like when I find peace:

I will not wake up every hour all night long remembering, wondering and regretting the things I said, the things he said...the way it has all worked out.

I will not nead to drink a couple glasses of wine just to stop the constant thinking in my head.

I will be able to leave my house and go out with my friends knowing that it will be fun, and misery won't follow me and ruin every ones good time.

There will be no triggers which cause my heart to feel like a freight train has just run it over, making me unable to breathe, again and again.

My heart will no longer be broken, and it will no longer hang on to someone who is gone, and when he IS here should be gone.

I will be free.

That is what peace looks like to me right now.

PS Just J, I did order that book "The One" at your suggestion. Should come tomorrow. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pleased, delighted and thrilled to say that I DO have peace.

It feels like normality and happiness. It feels like life is chugging along on its predestined lines and not veering off all over the place.

It feels, well, peaceful.

Jen

Wow, what a great thread! It pulled me out of the woodwork again!

~My Peace~

Thanks to many outside influences, internal changes in attitude, and my Higher Power, I feel like I have achieved a state of peace. Peace is letting go of my fears.

Peace offers me an inner security and frees me to live my life fully as a human being. My happiness does not depend on the mood or actions of others. Of course there are days I am up and days I am down, but all in all, I am wearing a smile that is genuine.

Peace to me means I am more patient, understanding and compassionate.

In my peace, I am never bored. I am happy when I am busy with friends friends and I am happy alone doing nothing. I am content with stillness.

Peace means that I can handle difficult situations. Peace offers opportunity for growth instead of chaos.

Peace helps me delight in my life and my work…and gives me the ability to enjoy it knowing that “this too shall pass” when I hit a rough spot.

Peace comes when I let go of my obsessions, worry, and focusing on everyone but myself. Peace comes when I accept things as they are instead of wishing they were different.

Peace is counting my blessings, recognizing and working on my shortcomings, and enjoying every minute of every day,

Thank you J!

Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

The peace I aspire to is a constant peaceful refuge I cane base myself in as I sail lifes storms.

Long ago I came to the conclusion that 'peace' or lack of crisis is not the default state of my existance. Waves of great joy an dgreat pain and tragedy disguise smaller waves of disquiet.

Like computer processors, our lives are interrupt-driven IMO.

What it will look like when I have peace is that I will carry with me always a quiet confidence of a man with a foot grounded in the appreciable support of God, my own measured resources and my ability to imagine solutions to challenges.

I will neither fear, anticipate nor await the next challenge life throws at me. I will just 'be' and surmount the waves as they arrive.

For me to do that ; treating all interrupts , joyous or tragic just the same as footsteps in the road God has beaten for me.

That will be me at peace.

I am not there yet but closer most days.

My sadness is that I used to consider 'peace' a sbeing a reliable family existance, Wife, kids, friends all reading their scripts.

No more, Such was an illusion. My peace must come from within and from God.

Hope that makes sense.

Just J - Yikes, what a lot of questions!

People know that I have peace because I have changed so much. I got through the mess (mostly) with my dignity.

I live quite differently now. I do many things that I never did before. My life no longer revolves around WH and his family.

I interact with my family in a much better way. Now I know that they could be taken away instantly with no warning, just like WH was.

I have excelled at work as it was my main outlet to feel good about myself. I also am doing lots of volunteer work now.

Everything is changed in my house. It is sparkling clean, and everything is painted and fixed. There is no evidence that a man ever lived here.

I'm over my hurt and anger, and enjoying my life once again.

Susan...

I really loved your response!

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Susan...

I really loved your response!

Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You helped me get there. Do you remember "way back when" you told me I was missing my feast? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I paid attention. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Susan

Wow. What a lot of excellent replies!

Pep -- I like your vision of peace. Anything I can do to encourage you to go get it?

weaver -- I've been where you are and I know how hard it is. Remember in the waves of pain that there -is- peace in the smallest of things. Take a minute to look up from your computer and listen to your breathing. At the point of lowest exhalation, pause for a moment and don't inhale. Do you feel that tug? That sense of "it's time to breathe now"? That's the spark of life within you, reminding you to LIVE. And when you inhale, and you reach the point of fullest inhalation, and you pause again, notice how clean and pure it feels? That's peace within you, reminding you of serenity. The two -- the spark of life and the spark of serenity -- are right there with you at every moment, even the worst ones.

(If this makes any sense to you, you might try another book recommendation or two: Seven Masters, One Path, by John Selby, or The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle.)

KiwiJ - YAY!!!! I love that.

Susan -- You're welcome, and thank you for posting. I agree with Pep. I like it!

Bob -- Yeah, I like how you see the tragic and the joyful as the same in some way. There are, before each of us, more painful experiences and more joyful ones as well. I no longer view either one with as much fear as I once did. They're inevitable parts of my journey.

Believer -- I'm so glad you've got a home that makes you happy now. I've found that to be one of the important things for me, as well.

How do I know I've got peace? My mom's ranting now seems somewhat childish and out of place to me. Who would've thought I would ever get to -that- place? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Oh Wow some really beautiful descriptions here about these questions
What will it look like when you have peace?
How will people know you have peace?
How will you live differently?
How will you interact with your family differently?
What will your friends see that's different about you?
How will you work differently?
What will look different in your house?
What will look different in work or school?
What things will you do that you don't do now, today?

oh crikey
well EVERYTHING has changed for me today.
I no longer can afford to be thinking only of him & me or even just the kids, now I have to also think of a brand new life.
I've got to rethink a lot of things because I pretty confused right now.