I keep learning new things about my FWW. I woke up feeling pretty good a couple of days ago and mentioned to my wife how good the sex was the night before. She said nicely, "don't take it to your head, I faked the orgasm". Believe it or not, I was completely surprised and a bit dumbfounded. I asked her why she faked it and she said she was tired and wanted to get it over with and she knew I would end it shortly thereafter.

How often do you women fake your orgasms or have you ever faked an orgasm? Please be truthful with me. I am feeling a bit embarrassed by asking this question on the boards.

TooSoon

NOT NICE!! I would never tell my H that. I have done that before, but I can only count 1 time in 5 years. I don't think it's that common, but then it's not something we discuss with each other.

That was the first time she admitted to faking an orgasm to me. I never thought she would fake one and admit it although the last 12 months has been an ongoing learning experience for me regarding my FWW.

We are doing very well and she appears to remain being honest with me. We recently talked for a few hours about the OM and how he still creeps up in her mind at different times. We are communicating openly and honestly, it seems.

TooSoon

Toosoon, I have never faked an orgasm and I don’t think I ever will. I have heard and read about women who faking orgasms and I know many women to that, but I don’t think it’s a good thing.

Suzet

I think the bigger concern is NOT that she faked it, but the cavalier way she told you about it....

"don't take it to your head, I faked the orgasm".

She maybe shouldn't have told you at all, but if she felt that she wanted to share that, she could have said it in a nice way.

TooSoon -

I have faked a lot of O's - mainly when I was tired and not in the mood. I am surprised that she told you.

I know lots of women that fake them, and some women that never have a real one, and their H's don't know.

Please don't take it personally. I think it is rather common.

fake boobs
fake nails
fake tans
fake eyelashes
.......
some women fake all sorts of things
.......
The "don't take it to your head" was deliberately hurtful.
.......
ask her

"What was your purpose of saying to me, ...'Don't take it to your head'... I would like to know why you don't want me to feel good about having sex with you."

Pep

TooSoon,

I have at times faked an "O" or faked the intensity because of ongoing circumstances. My H's last A took a lot of trust away from me in that area (no 2x4's please I know I don't deserve trust either). I have yet to feel comfortable with SF with him, but keep hoping that those feelings will return. In the meantime he seems to need the confirmation that I am enjoying myself so although I do have an "O" I barely do. Sorry hard to explain. Anyway, I would never hurt my H's feelings by telling him and I think you W was quite cavalier about your feelings. Please don't take it to heart.

Of course now that my A was revealed to him SF is non-existant.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:

.......
ask her

"What was your purpose of saying to me, ...'Don't take it to your head'... I would like to know why you don't want me to feel good about having sex with you." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just had an idea...

her possible motivation for saying something cruel to you..

a need to create emotional distance

why?

because she feels used

probably she feels "used sexually" by someone else... and YOU just got handed the bill!

Pep

TooSoon, I should clarify with you WHY I think most women do this because I suspect you are thinking that it is your fault. IT AIN'T.

It has nothing to do with your skills, but more to do with her MOOD. Sometimes we are in a mood that makes it impossible to get into the task at hand. So, instead of hurting your feelings, we fake it.

However, your W did hurt you very much when she told you this. There was no reason to tell you, IMO.

Well yes I have to admit I have over the years but usually because I was tired not really in the mood BUT I'd never ever tell my H, thats being honest but it is a bit insensitive, though I don't think it was mant to be anything but a off the cuff comment.
I mean if you can only smell the napppies and baby puke, or the ENDLESS washing you are not always a great lover I'm afraid.
Far better to say to you I'm a bit tired or not not in the mood.
But on the bright side of things she is trusting you with total honesty. Perhaps you may be able to say to her now thats its ok to let you know if she is tired and not really in the mood.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It has nothing to do with your skills, but more to do with her MOOD. Sometimes we are in a mood that makes it impossible to get into the task at hand. So, instead of hurting your feelings, we fake it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I totally agree with ML on that one. I very much enjoy SF and always enjoyed it with my ex. However, if I were tired, or had lots on my mind from the day, or maybe was just in a different position, "O" didn't always happen easily, or at the right time. I didn't do a big fakey production, but I have been known to let him believe something happened that didn't.

It didn't mean I enjoyed the SF any less. And I did it out of consideration to HIS feelings so that he also enjoyed the SF as much as I did.

HOWEVER, I think what your wife said was not called for. I'd NEVER, even at my angriest with him when he was telling me about SF with the OW, have told him I faked.

I say hurtful things when I'm angry. Maybe she's angry. And I've said some really hurtful things to make people mad at me. Why? I think because I felt I deserved people's wrath for some reason. Maybe she's angry with herself.

At any rate, don't let it affect your self-confidence in that area. I truly believe it has nothing to do with performance.

LL

Never, ever faked an "O" and never will. I think it is dishonest, and being that my number one emotional need is honesty....

Besides, my H can tell when I am about to "go" and I don't think I could successfully recreate all of those clues!

If we're in the middle of it and I just know it ain't gonna go, I just tell him to have fun and I hang in for the ride. That way, he still enjoys my body and I enjoy giving it for him to enjoy. Much better in my book than lying to him. He's a big boy and can take it. He knows I might just be tired, or my mind is elsewhere, or whatever. Because I have always been honest, he just doesn't take it personally.

But the way your wife told you leads me to think that maybe she fakes often and is just trying to tell you that. It came out in an angty, hutful way. This could be a good thing, though. Discuss it. Ask her is she fakes often to avoid hurting your feelings. Let her know you're a big boy, too, and can take it. She'll probably be surprised.

Then work toward an honest solution where everyone still gets their needs met.

~ Snow

There was a thread out here a few years back that discussed this subject. One of the the points brought out is that men concentrate on the physical aspect while women tend to look at the same outcome from a more mental stance. Women are more aroused when they 'hear' before the act vs, wham, bam, thank-you 'mam.

I found that very interesting.

L.

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Toosoon,

In the meantime I gave this topic some thought. Don’t feel embarrassed. I understand it’s difficult to talk about this and ask such a personal question, but these ‘anonymous’ boards are here to safely help and advice you on the most sensitive and personal concerns you may have about your W and M. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was thinking - maybe you can honestly talk to your W and tell her how her ‘confession’ made you feel. Maybe you can tell her that you prefer and will appreciate it if she doesn't do this again in future (fake an orgasm). I agree it was not very nice of your W to tell you about it but let’s look at the positive side of it: At least your W was honest and open with you about it... This is a sign of more honest & open communication from her although I think her choice of words was very insensitive and hurtful towards you. But now that this topic is out in the open, I think the two of you must discuss this and sort it out. If you keep silent about this and not talking to her, your concerns about this will just start to build up inside of you. Maybe you can directly ask your W if this was the first time and if not, how often this happened in the past. If this is something that only happened once in a while in the past (once a year or so), don’t worry too much about it, but if not, you and your W can use this as an opportunity to become more open and honest towards each other and to get to the root of the problem.

Every woman knows her body and best knows what works for her. So, instead of your W faking orgasms, she can help and guide you and give you ‘tips’ on how you can help her ‘get there’ more easily. Just remember, to get an orgasm is more a concern for men than for woman…and I think this is the reason why women sometimes fake orgasms. They don’t want to disappoint their H’s because they know how important an orgasm is for them. Usually, an orgasm is the most important and exiting part of sex for a man – men NEED to have an orgasm, that’s how God created them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> But for woman it’s a bit different. It’s not ALWAYS necessary and important for a woman to get an orgasm EVERY TIME she has sex…. Sometimes a woman is satisfied enough with the ‘unity’ and ‘closeness’ between her and her H during sex. Sometimes a woman enjoys the special bond of intimacy and love during lovemaking MORE than the actual experience of orgasm. To put it in more simple terms: Usually, for men, the end of the road (climax) is the most important and most exiting part of sex. Usually, for women the WHOLE road and the WHOLE experience (foreplay and the build up towards the climax) are more important. I’ve explained this to my H before and he understands he must not be concerned if I don’t have an orgasm every time we have sex. If I do, it makes hubby very happy, but if I don’t, he knows there is always a next time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> I think some men unnecessarily take it too personal if the W doesn’t get an orgasm every time they have sex and then they think it's their fault.

I also know there are many women out there who are unable to get orgasms. Usually this is a very huge, personal and sensitive matter for these women. Many times they feel too ashamed to admit this towards their H’s or anyone else, and they try to hide the problem by faking orgasms instead. I don’t think this is the case with your W but in case there IS a personal problem, she has the opportunity now to talk to you about it.

Take care and update us on this,
Suzet

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 11:25 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

dup post.

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 11:29 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Then there is always the old joke:

Why do women fake orgasm?

Because men fake forplay.

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 11:51 AM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>

I loved all the posts on this topic. I also think this is a golden opportunity to have an open discussion with your w. You can show her you genuinely care about her needs above your own.

Women as well as men are sometimes under the misconception that our lover's bodies operate the same basic way ours does. One reason why I believe men put so much emphasis on the woman's orgasm. Women however have more emotional needs met through the sex act then just orgasm and if those needs aren't being met, we sometimes assume you just don't care.

Meeting a woman's en's in the bedroom is such a highy prized asset we may even share that juicy tidbit with our best friend just to evoke jealousy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !

Thanks so much for all of the posts and all of your honesty. I just got back from shopping and I asked her if she ever faked and O in the past. She said yes. The good news is she is being honest with me but the bad news is I never knew she would actually fake an O with me after 20 years of marriage.

This last 12 months has been quite a year and this might be a continuation of the year but I will ask her to quit faking and to simply be truthful with me. I think my pride was a bit wounded today but I am at a point where nothing can be worse than the last year's hell.

If you have any other thoughts, let me know. I am learning tons from this thread.

TooSoon

TooSoon -
Sounds like you will do just fine. If you are interested, google fake orgasms, and read all about it. I did and was very surprised. The statistics are all over the place, but there are many, many women that fake. But I think it is only a problem when it happens all of the time.
You may be able to really have some intimate conversations with your wife, and have things get much better.