Okay so here's the scoop guys and gals. I just talked to my WW GF. I really just wanted to tell her my side of the story and that I truly do want to work on my M. I know that the GF was going to tell my WW, but I was prepared for that. If you recall from my story for those of you that have been reading my posts. My WW GF is recently separated, she is in the process of a D. Her reasons were that she was unhappy. She started to go out to clubs with the girls and then met a new guy. Story sound familiar? Now my WW has done the same thing.

Anyway I talked to her, and she confirmed some of the thoughts I had about my WW lying to me (like she didn't know OM's name). Anyway, then she tells me that my WW told her that she hasn't slept with him, and that the GF was pretty sure because they are very close. Could that be true? I know I'm really reaching here, but it is true that they tell each other everything, heck that is one of the things my WW told me, that she can talk to GF more than me.

So could this be just an EA and not a SFPA, as I have caught them with my own eyes kissing and grinding on the dance club? Any thoughts?

Hmmmm. If she is staying out all night long, I think she is having SF. That is a big red flag for me.

Sometimes we do Native but it can depend on the purpose behind her speaking to you.
I mean she may be wanting to help your WW ah ,, throw a few buckets of water on the situation so to speak because your WW has found that the grass is not greener on the other side of the fence.
I would be hopeful but not too trusting. Just see how your WW actions meet her words, its a better judge of the situation.

I don't think you are any closer to knowing the truth. GFs who cover for their friends will lie for them, too. You can't trust this woman, who is in the throes of her own anti-marriage behavior.

~ Snow

I aggree with all of the above. This GF may have been instrumental in assisting your WW get into the A in the first place, and will probably do everything possible to minimize "damage", albiet, lying to "protect" her friend.

At this point, assume the worst, and move foward with Plan A, as it is the Rx for either type of A, or combination EA/PA.

You are right, in your earlier posts, that your WW's contact with this GF is going to have to be severely limited in the future, if not a full state of NC.

Stay in Plan A, and believe it will work. It has for many, myself included.

SD

Yeah I know that I'm really reaching here. Yes WW does stay out all night, Red flag. She has constantly been lying to me, Red flag. There has been no type of affection from WW even "mechanical", Red Flag. I have known the GF as long as my WW, and I admit that I find it hard to read her, but she does seem sincere. She told me that she's been telling my WW that "if she felt any kind of love for me to go to MC to see if we can work it out".

Yes I realize that the GF has contributed to my WW having an A, but I would also like to think she still sees me as a friend.

I have to agree w/the others. I would be very leary on trusting this GF. You don't know the motives behind what she says.

Yeah I know, maybe it's just some part deep down in me that is still in denial and has some kind of hope that she hasn't gone complete to the "dark side". Then the logical/rational part of me kicks in and says that the GF is also lying to me.

as I have caught them with my own eyes kissing and grinding on the dance club?

As far as I am concerned....unless your name is bill Clinton...that equal a physical affair...

ark

Ark, quite true. I guess I should have been clearer in my original post. My doubt is whether they have have sex or not. I'm pretty sure that they have, I just have some doubts. Lots of people that are posting are in some sort of R, whether that ben NC, or at least admitting to the affair.

My WW won't admit anything, other than she has friends. And we are in no way in any kind of an R.

native,

Let me ask this... Does it really matter? I mean I am in the same boat. My WW has slept in the same bed as OM 3 nights. She keeps telling me that they did not have sex. 3 nights in same bed as OM and they didn't have sex???? Hard to believe. She keeps telling me it's only emotional. I came to the conclusion that I was willing to work on our M anyway. I am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope every time she does something more to hurt me, but nonetheless I have not quite reached the end yet. Would you reach the end if you found out for sure if she had SF with OM?

Good luck to you my friend, I feel your pain.

MIF?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by marriage is forever?:
<strong> native,

Let me ask this... Does it really matter? I mean I am in the same boat. My WW has slept in the same bed as OM 3 nights. She keeps telling me that they did not have sex. 3 nights in same bed as OM and they didn't have sex???? Hard to believe. She keeps telling me it's only emotional. I came to the conclusion that I was willing to work on our M anyway. I am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope every time she does something more to hurt me, but nonetheless I have not quite reached the end yet. Would you reach the end if you found out for sure if she had SF with OM?

Good luck to you my friend, I feel your pain.

MIF?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with your post. I think an EA is much harder to "recover" from than a ONS. Just my opinion though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by marriage is forever?:
<strong> native,

Let me ask this... Does it really matter? I mean I am in the same boat. My WW has slept in the same bed as OM 3 nights. She keeps telling me that they did not have sex. 3 nights in same bed as OM and they didn't have sex???? Hard to believe. She keeps telling me it's only emotional. I came to the conclusion that I was willing to work on our M anyway. I am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope every time she does something more to hurt me, but nonetheless I have not quite reached the end yet. Would you reach the end if you found out for sure if she had SF with OM?

Good luck to you my friend, I feel your pain.

MIF?
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree with your post. I think an EA is much harder to "recover" from than a ONS. Just my opinion though. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I agree with your post <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> A ONS, as difficult as it is to think about would be easier to recover from than the strong emotional A.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>native00: Yeah I know that I'm really reaching here. Yes WW does stay out all night, Red flag. She has constantly been lying to me, Red flag. There has been no type of affection from WW even "mechanical", Red Flag. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: You have soo many red flags you could start your own country - LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> In reverse babble the retort w/b something like: "For all those red flags if she isn't having a PA, she s/b checked out! " <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You get this? My WS tried to tell me the same after d/d.....let's see then I found e-mails which said they had their 1st sexual encounter 2 months earlier and by the time d/d came around this nutty OW was claiming prego 1.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>native00: I have known the GF as long as my WW, and I admit that I find it hard to read her, but she does seem sincere. She told me that she's been telling my WW that "if she felt any kind of love for me to go to MC to see if we can work it out".

Yes I realize that the GF has contributed to my WW having an A, but I would also like to think she still sees me as a friend. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Be wary of GF. You don't know her agenda. It may even be different than the WS or your W (right 2 different personalities in your W right now). What could that mean? Could mean this GF may think you c/b fair game soon. You like to hunt? Not if you are the hunted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So be careful when walking in the 'dem woods. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Remember what almost happened to Little Red Riding Hood. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

MIF:Let me ask this... Does it really matter? I mean I am in the same boat. My WW has slept in the same bed as OM 3 nights. She keeps telling me that they did not have sex. 3 nights in same bed as OM and they didn't have sex???? Hard to believe. She keeps telling me it's only emotional. I came to the conclusion that I was willing to work on our M anyway. I am getting closer and closer to the end of my rope every time she does something more to hurt me, but nonetheless I have not quite reached the end yet. Would you reach the end if you found out for sure if she had SF with OM?

MIF, yes I know... in my mind I have already told myself that they are sleeping together. And I'm still committed to the M despite that. I guess I just want some truth. I too am getting closer to my end because she still goes out to clubs despite how she knows it hurts me.

Lemmon & MIF: And I agree with your post A ONS, as difficult as it is to think about would be easier to recover from than the strong emotional A.

I don't see an EA coming from the "club scene" especially with some young "player". Course I could be wrong. So maybe it's more of the ONS type. But with it still going on this moves past a ONS and into the EA type.... right?

Orchid: Be wary of GF.

Yes Orchid I am, I know that she is most likely covering for my WW. Also though I can't seem to shake that she really wants us to try and work it out. Also how could she throw our friendship (my WW and I have known her for the same amount of time) of over 10 years away so easily? I've never done anything to her. Or my WW for that matter.

Native,

I would say that if it started as a ONS type situation and is still going on that it is/has developed into an EA. The good thing is that is seems like it's very recent. My WW's EA developed with a friend of hers of 8 years. She had 8 yrs. of friendship already in place before she became emotionally attached/attracted to him. If your WW met this "young player" at a club just recently the good thing is that she may not have a lot of emotions built up just yet, but I would say they are starting to develop.

Good luck

MIF?

Yeah I'm thinking the same thing MIF. I'm also seeing that my WW is so wrapped up in the "night scene". That even if her and OM don't pan out which is most likely the case she will just move on to someone else. She's reading the WS handbook... "I don't know what I want anymore".

I'm hoping thats just fog and that she really does want stability and a family! I have faith, am praying, and hoping that this is all true. I just really wish I could see some fruits of my labor. Going on two months now without a hint of WW stopping. She's basically cake eating I think I can only last another month or so before starting plan B. I've already had thoughts about it. I think I'm in danger of losing my love for this thing that she has become.

I think that she needs to give up her "night life" if your M is to work out. You are obviously not happy with her doing that, and I don't blame you. Have you read His Need, Her Needs? I would recommend it.

One thing touched on is recreational companionship. When you are dating you do everything together. After marriage, and especially children you sometimes tend to start building separate lives because of the kids. I know my WW and I did this. Babysitting was costly so she would go out with her friends some nights and I would go out with my friends some nights. Eventually we found we had more fun when we were apart, and she would rather spend time with her friends while I would with mine. We built separate lives from each other and we grew apart. That is one thing that led up to my WW's EA.

MIF?

MIF, No I haven't read it yet, but I planned on picking something esle up this weekend now that I'm done with SAA. I'll pick this one up. The thing is I never really went out with the guys, too busy working and going to school and watching kids so that she could work and go out.

A week after Dday I asked her not to go out, she did for a week. Then we had a talk and I got emotional and she felt "trapped" and since then has been going out and staying places on Fri's and Sat's.