OK, short story, I am now divorced, foolishly have ex-WH staying at my house (long story).

I found out there is another chic that he is pledging his allegiance and undying devotion to.

I have the proof and can out him to OW1 & OW2, but, what for??

So, what should I do. I feel semi-sympathetic for OW2, because I doubt she knows she is the OW.

HELP!!! My heart is racing!!!

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 07:24 PM: Message edited by: SerendipiT ]</small>

Seren,

Sorry for the news but you seem t/b hurting as if he is still your spouse. Could it be his is just in too close proximity to you? Maybe having him out of your sight w/b better for you?

L.

AMEN...I know...I was drug back into all the drama of it all. And I am extremely nosey, control-freakish, and it killed me not to know what was "up" while he was here...

I know getting him out is paramount...

What about the chics, 1 & 2?

MAKES ME WANT TO SCREEEEEAAAAMMM!!!!! I AM SOOOOO MAD!!!!! WHAT AN IDIOT!!!!!

What a sick, sick, sick idiot!!!!

I HATE HIM.

But, probably still love him.

Why me? Why did I have to committ myself to such an underhanded, lying, cheating loser?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SerendipiT:
<strong> MAKES ME WANT TO SCREEEEEAAAAMMM!!!!! I AM SOOOOO MAD!!!!! WHAT AN IDIOT!!!!!

What a sick, sick, sick idiot!!!!

I HATE HIM.

But, probably still love him.

Why me? Why did I have to committ myself to such an underhanded, lying, cheating loser? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is the battle cry of most people here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Ser, You've got to cut loose with this. Go to a post-D Plan B. Don't out the OWs to each other. This isn't your lookout anymore.

But get the creep out of your house and let him deal with the various OWs (probably more to come) his own way. Please.

You don't have the detachment you need to deal with him as a co-parent. Getting his private life out of yours is Step One. Move to a business-like arrangement. For your own mental health.

And as I said earlier, don't even count him in as a parent right now. Pretend you're a widow. That will protect you from further disappointment.

SerendipT,

What difference does it make, chick 1, chick 2?

Get him out of that house. You were doing so good before, remember? Doing joga and writing poetry on your SerendipT thread.

It breaks my heart to see you go back to this painful state. Please tell him to go, and don't worry about the "poor" chickies.

Your xh is on a path of self destruction. Get out of the way and let it happen, as you know it must. Only then can God intervene and do His work.

Pep said something to Shul on that other thread that sticks to my mind like glue and has brought me so much comfort in the past two days.

She said get out of the way. Hands off where you don't belong so that God can do HIS job. (or something to that effect).

Get him out of there so that you can detach once again.

I do not know why, but I cannot. When it comes to him, this strong, confident woman is a spineless glob of jelly.

I am hurting, scared...I am a mess. Can't eat. I need help. I feel mean kicking his [censored] to the curb. I wish I could be you, or melodylane, or some of those other ladies with gumption for just 5 minutes.

You've already told him once to move out.

Leave, and get a muscular brother to come over and turf him out. Send a singing telegram if you have to. Get a friend to orchestrate this. Hire an agency.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SerendipiT:
<strong> ...What about the chics, 1 & 2? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What about them? They live in a hen house and you live in a home. Stay out of the hen house and away from that roaming rooster.

You are better than those who choose this type of lifestyle. Quit trying to live down at their standards and play their games. You are worth and deserve more than that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

NO matter what we say, you have t/b in that frame of mind. Who would you rather be with your old H or this WS character?

Your old H is not here right now. Maybe he will come back one day. As long as you are harboring the WS, the H has no reason to come home. Not even for a visit. After all, would your H really want t/b around a character like what the WS is now?

L.

SerendipT,

I stuck up for my self, that is true. But ever since then I have been a wreck. A crumbling, bumbling, sobbing wreck.

I held to my boundaries and have not heard from him since.

But you know what, I would rather have my pride and the boundaries that I learned about here then settle for what he was offering me.

And I feel like you do, scared, panicky, devoid of hope. Like I'm in some kind of dark abyss.

But you need to do this, to get to where you need to be. So happiness can find you again. Just like me.

I am bound and determined to make it through this dark hell into the light, by facing it head on.

You can do it dipiT. We'll do it together. All the people of this board will give you the strength you need to tell him to get going. Just do it.

double

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

Well, there are two things at play here.

1.) Some personal property that I need to get back from him.

2.) Him getting the HELL out of my house.

As to #1, I have been asking him for 3+weeks to get the personal property out of a friends house (a big screen TV he was supposed to pay on, that is in my name, that I just found out about 3 weeks ago he has NOT paid on for almost 9 months. So, the collections agency called me at work to tell me they are getting ready to file in court, and charge it off as a "refusal to pay." I caught the account up, did some research, and discovered that all the payments that have EVER been made on the TV were made by me.) (I stupidly helped him finance the thing before he moved out, etc). So I told him it had to come here... he has been hemming and hawing about it for weeks, and I told him, have it home today, or my brother and I will go after it.

I discovered all the stuff I discovered this afternoon, about OW #2, #3, whatever, was sitting here in my living room, numb, and he was sitting at my bar reading a magazine. I had massive anxiety, sick to my stomach, fighting back tears, and he is sitting up there, smugly reading his magazine.

I ask him if he has made arrangements with his friend to get TV. He tell me, all irritated, "I guess now is as good as any." So, I ask him if he is going to get it. He says "I wanted to apy him a visit anyway," meaning his friend. I ask him, are you going there to visit, or get my TV. He says, irritatedly as he walks out the door, "both."

He leaves, and I freak out for awhile. Then, for whatever reason, I look out the front window, and notice, he did not take the truck to go get the damn TV, but took his sedan. HE HAD NO INTENTION OF GETTING THE DAMN TV!!!!!

As to #2, I called my Dad and told him what was going on. RE: multiple OW, and, the TV. He told me we will go together tomorrow to get the TV at the friends house. When he gets home tonight (another issue, he left, did not tell me when he was expected back, which was one of the few boundaries I set before I allowed him to stay here, because the kids ask me, and he IS ACCOUNTABLE TO US WHILE HE IS HERE). When and if he gets back, I will tell him I expect him out tomorrow morning before I get back from church.

I am just worried about him taking things he should not. Keep trying to call my brother, to see if he will stay at the house while he packs, but he is not answering.

I know you guys are all mad/irritated, saying "GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF THERE ALREADY." I really need some help...this is very very very very very difficult for me. Please help me. I am doing it, but it is torture the whole time....

Good plan but make sure you make a good pick up arrangement with the 'friend'. It maybe wise to spend the day around the house to make sure he doesn't take anything. Just a thought.

Maybe the kids can be gone with a relative or someone in a safe place and you and another adult support person can be at the house to protect you. I had H's best friend and his wife with me when the WS moved out. WS was sooo ashamed, he crawled out son's bedroom window. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Imagine that!!! Then BF changed the locks in my house. WS did not get informed until it was done.

L.

Get your dad or bro to stay in the house. Give clear instructions to them about what WH cannot take.

Give WH a couple hours max to clear out. He won't have time to take too much. It won't be a final job, but good enough for now (esp. since he doesn't have a place to stay).

Don't be there. Then there won't be a chance for last-minute fighting and whining that way. He can fight with your dad. Less dynamics there. Save your steam.

It IS very very very difficult. Make it as easy on yourself as you can. Just don't be there.

well, he is out.

I am coming to realize ex-WH is not only a cheater, but he is a giant liar. I saw where he told others I was robbing him blind, and completely financially dependent on him (excuse me, but I am the primary breadwinner, did NOT go after him for upwards of $5,000 in back child support, have been paying for the damn big screen TV, his car insurance, and gave him a break in the divorce and did not require full child support payments until 1/05). He IS A LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!

He finally sucked it up and asked his parents if he could stay there. He told him Dad I went crazy on him and kicked him out the house. Truth is, I asked him calmly to leave 3 weeks ago, have been gently reminding him about going ever since, and finally told him in the quietest, kindest voice I could muster that "things are not working out here with us together, and I would like you to leave by the time I get back from church tomorrow morning."

I did not get my bro to wait here, just trusted him to do the right thing, or REALLY face my wrath (probably a stupid move, but he did not take anything). I got the friend who has the TV's number, and left his a message this morning, so I will handle that as soon as I can.

I outed him to OW#2 and #3. Hey brother, the truth will set you free!!

I am also going dark. I do not want to know this man anymore.

Hi Dipti,

i just wanted to send you some hugs.

take care of yourself, Karen

Me too dipiT. And you are right, we will get through this!

You did the right thing, the only thing you could have done and lord knows I know how bad it hurts. But the hurt is temporary right? Growing pains. Atleast that's what eveyone tells me and I believe them.

Hang on!

DipiT, you rock girl! I just read your thread and this is the DipiT I know and love. Whoever this alien is who was staying in your home, it ain't anybody you need to be around now. Enjoy that big screen TV! I also think it was good of you to contact OWs 1 & 2. Why should more people suffer as a result of this former A** H of yours? How did you get their phone #s?

DipiT, you are going to have a great life. I don't have a doubt. You are way too cool of a person not to. Hang in there Hon! CV