Greetings Everyone,

Sorry for the long and rambling nature of this post...I am very emotional today...

I haven't been here very much over the past few days. I always feel the need to post after an encounter with my WW. And for the record, for those who know about the false statement business, I truly believe that when she did it, she felt that no harm was done. She is still in denial about what she did to cover for OM was a SERIOUS thing. Fortunately, I have a real lawyer, OM has a PD, and WW has no one representing her at the moment.

I went against advice and talked about everything I am not supposed to talk about. I think that this is due to serious withdrawl I have been having, not having my W near me. I am getting medical aid soon, and will be getting Lexapro or something similar, to try and deal with the situation. I basically have no emotional control at all, when I see my WW in person. If I haven't seen her in 2-4 weeks, its extremely hard to keep from crying in her presence. No control, just flowing tears and sobbing like a fool. Gggrrrrrrr...I can't stand myself. She thinks that I am like this all of the time, in front of the kids, which I am not. My kids have seen me cry, just not as often as WW. And my DD seems worried about me, and asked WW "Why do you make dad cry?" So that really bothered WW. When she sees my eyes water, WW asks me not to cry, as though I can just shut it off. Hopefully, when I get some meds, I won't be like this. I will be the Dimmu that I always am, when not dealing with infidelity. It would seem that being cheated on is the worst thing that could be done to me, to date. I have had numerous broken bones, picked on in school (I'm a short guy...5'6-7" or so), lost a dad to an overdose, and have been stabbed in the back by people that are to many to count. All of that put together, is nothing compared to my WW's A's...

I know I LB'd...but quickly apologized after each one. I explained that I was venting, and to please not hold it against me...that she cannot expect me to be as casual about this as she is. I guess OM is paranoid of me winning back her heart, as he asks her if she saw me, if I tried for SF, etc. Thats good, I suppose. But, he tells her things like "Don't worry, WE'LL have the kids someday..." Evil b@st@rd!!! So tell me, how do I not dwell on breaking his knees? He better hope that this country never falls into complete anarchy and lawlessness(sorry, I have GOT to vent!!!). Either way, they have no leg to stand on, with criminal histories and all, and of course...the abandonment.

WW requested to take kids to her place in PA for xmas. I said no, they will stay in NY. She then threatened to get a lawyer. I said for her to go right ahead and do that. I then revealed a little bit of ammo from my legal arsenal (the abandonment, etc.), and she backed right off. I said, "Even if my family is bankrupted, I will do what I have to for the sake of the children. I am not trying to offend you, but OM WILL NOT have anything to do with the children, one way over the other." My emotions were being retarded of course, so I said stupid things like "He'll be a stepfather to my children OVER MY DEAD BODY." I really need to get some AD's or something...

But that LB was a victory of sorts. She asked where my mom would be on xmas (at my sis's). I had been telling her that I would accomodate her so she could see the kids in NY. So, she tells me that she will SPEND THE NIGHT and spend xmas with both ME and the kids...yes! That of course, as far as I am concerned, not set in stone. I am convinced of SIL's meddling. She has been with WW twice now, when WW comes to NY (the SIL having an A).

That reminds me. SIL is on three different meds! One that she must take every hour. I asked WW "why", and she said "because she is mental". I say, as I couldn't help myself, "Maybe her mind is telling her one thing(hey! have an A!), and that her soul is telling her another (quit being STUPID, end the A and go back to your H!). WW replies with "maybe". All I know is...SIL wasn't on any meds prior to A. Looks like life with a drunkard OM and willingly giving up your kids to accomodate the A isn't all that its cracked up to be in her world. SIL told FIL that she won;t visit with her H (she has in effect Plan B'd him, reversing the tables). So I know she is saying this sh1t to my WW. My WW has been avoiding me a little more recently, which confirms my suspicions.

She explained that she just doesn't think we could ever get along, or that she could love me again. She finally said "You deserve someone better than me..." which I have read is common for WS's to say. I like hearing things that have been confirmed as babble. It gives me hope.

So at one point, WW mentions that even if she decided to try to work things out, would I forgive her? I explain that I have been granted the tools needed to do so (MB!!!), and that I know so much more now, than when she had the first A. You see...she doesn't believe that I have forgiven her for the first A, so I will never forgive her for this one. I gave in to intincts the first time around, is why. I explained that I could forgive her if we both made an effort to get the therapy/meds (individual and marriage counseling) we need to deal with the hurt, live close but not together...yet, and to do things together. Do things like go out, see a movie, teach me to dance, go camping/hiking/fishing, and basically rediscover how and why we fell in love in the firts place. I said the only obstacle as far as I was concerned was...and she cut me off and said "OM". Which is what I was going to say.

I explained to her that I wouldn't be so emotional if I could see her/talk to her more, and that extended periods of absence, bottles up my emotions. I reminded her that when I was seeing her more regularly, I didn't talk about M, R, OM very much. I pryed information out of her throughout the day, about OM, the extent of thier emotional attachment (she claims not to love him, but is infatuated, and she thinks he truly loves her <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...after he couldn't wait for her and had SF with someone else when I was still around).

Lots of other things were said, but I was so stressed out, I can't recall everything at the moment. Some of the things I have listed here aren't in any specific order, either. She does seem to be in the fog, with fleeting moments where she briefly sees clarity, before it is enclosed in the fog again. I think she loves me under all of that. Maybe I am just reading into things that aren't there (Dimmu means dark or foggy).

But, she is coming for xmas, OM is worried about not having his piece of @ss and a roof over his head when he gets out of jail, and I asked my WW for a hug, and we hugged for about a minute in duration (which cured me of crying for the rest of the time we were at FIL's). Also, she now agrees that the people she chose to hang out with are low life scumbags that the kids shouldn't be around. So some LB's turned out to be a boon. I am hoping for meds before xmas, and I got a lot of things off of my chest. So when I see her around xmas, I can focus on PLAN A, and US. I am hoping for a miracle on that night/day. If I can keep my cool, have a nice xmas with just the four of us (and maybe get some SF from WW, which she admitted that she has thought about here and there), then that may...

Show her what she is missing.

SF would bring us close, and throw a wrench in OM's gears.

Show her that I can hang with her without LBing, and can meeting maybe an EN or two. (NO TALK OF OM AT ALL-THE BEGINNING OF A TRUE PLAN A!)

Also, December is the month of her birthday, and our anniversary (I don;t know how to handle these two days without screwing up my hopes for xmas). We won't see her again until xmas eve...


I may come back to post more about the day, as I calm down and can remember more details. I have to go now, because dinner is ready. I'm looking for input from anyone and everyone, and from some people in particular, so I may be bumping this over the next day or two.

Dimmu

<small>[ November 28, 2004, 12:07 AM: Message edited by: Dimmu ]</small>

Dimmu,

You said

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I basically have no emotional control at all, when I see my WW in person. If I haven't seen her in 2-4 weeks, its extremely hard to keep from crying in her presence. No control, just flowing tears and sobbing like a fool. Gggrrrrrrr...I can't stand myself. She thinks that I am like this all of the time, in front of the kids, which I am not. My kids have seen me cry, just not as often as WW. And my DD seems worried about me, and asked WW "Why do you make dad cry?" So that really bothered WW. When she sees my eyes water, WW asks me not to cry, as though I can just shut it off </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never apologize for the act of true tears. It is the one function that separates us from all the rest of the animals on our majestic planet. If your tears come out in front of your children, is it not better and more loving than to show them your anger?

Your WW bears the responsibility of what your children will see and hear in the next several years in regards to your family and M. Don't take on that misplaced burden.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never apologize for the act of true tears. It is the one function that separates us from all the rest of the animals on our majestic planet. If your tears come out in front of your children, is it not better and more loving than to show them your anger? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you, Cymanca, I feel that you are right. Though, crying the have in front of my WW seems to go against a lot of advice of have recieved from a few people on here, as well as articles I have read on the subject. Usually I read/am told that I should appear strong in front of her, like nothing is wrong. Either way, I know that my tears make my WW uncomfortable, and the tears are one of the reasons she avoids me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your WW bears the responsibility of what your children will see and hear in the next several years in regards to your family and M. Don't take on that misplaced burden.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is so true. WW and I talked a bit about this. But she is very casual about this whole situation, and doesn't believe that the children will be affected at all (though they already have). The kids both know to a certain extent what is going on. They always ask her painful questions like "Mommy, why don't you love dad anymore?" Or say things like "Mommy, you need to fall in love with daddy again, so we can all live together..." My daughter mentioned today "I will always be with daddy..." which helped me so much emotionally. I hate to see all of these things happen to the kids, but I am glad that they seem to be loyal to me.

Also, an update: I forgot to mention earlier, that my WW is still planning on signing over primary custody. I am still in negotiations with her on visitation. She wants to take them to PA for visitation, I want her to visit them in NY. Until the legal matters with her and OM (and me due to the false statement) are resolved, they WILL NOT be going to PA. So, she wants me to call the courthouse to find out EXACTLY what she and I need to do for her to sign over primary custody, so that she can take the day off of work. I still don't fully trust her in this regard, with OM saying stupid things about having my kids.

<small>[ November 27, 2004, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: Dimmu ]</small>

bump

Hi Dimmu,

I am very happy that she is willing to sign over primary custody. Get going on this right away, before she changes her mind.

I like you idea about a good Plan A through the holidays and some quality family time for the kids.

I suggest after the holidays if the affair is still not over, you go directly to Plan B. Providing that the custody issue has legally been settled so as not to provoke her into playing nasty.

Plan B will let her live with the consequences of her actions and hopefully have a huge impact in her character issues. It will also give your children back a sense of stability and structure. And it will go a long way in getting you back to being a strong and happy dad so you can devote what is going to be needed as damage control for your children.

I really like the idea of your Plan A through out the holidays though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hello Weaver!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am very happy that she is willing to sign over primary custody. Get going on this right away, before she changes her mind.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will be calling the courthouse on Monday. I will get all of the details, and I will then contact my WW Monday evening. I'm worried that she'll fight for visitation in PA, rather than NY. That could screw things up, but I may go with an emergency hearing if she pulls that. I think I have ammo to do this. My mom implied helping out with a family lawyer (didn't say she would, but it was definitley implied).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like you idea about a good Plan A through the holidays and some quality family time for the kids.

I suggest after the holidays if the affair is still not over, you go directly to Plan B. Providing that the custody issue has legally been settled so as not to provoke her into playing nasty.

Plan B will let her live with the consequences of her actions and hopefully have a huge impact in her character issues. It will also give your children back a sense of stability and structure. And it will go a long way in getting you back to being a strong and happy dad so you can devote what is going to be needed as damage control for your children. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think about the Plan B situation a lot. I don't know when exactly I'll implement it. Through 2-3 months of total pain, I haven't lost much in the way of love for my WW. There is that part of me that feels resentment of course, and would leave in a heart beat. But my love, at least at this point, seems overwhelming. Its an enigma to me. All I know is...when she told me she didn't love me and wanted a divorce...I realised how much I loved her and needed her. I didn't get married for nothing...and I feel compelled to fight for my M.

Plan B is scary at this point, because I haven't done a good Plan A at all. Its the contact with her that makes her think about things. She told me today, that after I get things staightened out and have a job...I can take her out. I can try to show her a good time. We didn't get to go out very much. Its things like that...little things that seem to break through the fog, and keep me going.

Basically, I am taking it one day at a time. When my resentment is starting to overcome my love...I think it will be time for Plan B then...

I'm worried about her birthday and our anniversary being before xmas though...I don't know what I should do on either of those days...like phone calls, or cards, or if I should even acknowledge our anniversary.

Dimmu

I like the idea of cards. Nothing too mushy or deep. And I really like letters. Letters can be such a good tool for communication and demonstrating the changes one has made in Plan A. And I don't mean coming out and saying all the changes, but if you have been working on the changes you needed to make it will show in your attitude in the letters and what you write about.

How is the job sitch coming?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I like the idea of cards. Nothing too mushy or deep. And I really like letters. Letters can be such a good tool for communication and demonstrating the changes one has made in Plan A. And I don't mean coming out and saying all the changes, but if you have been working on the changes you needed to make it will show in your attitude in the letters and what you write about. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was thinking of a card for her birthday, and a letter for our anniversary. I have a couple of weeks to think about her birthday.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How is the job sitch coming? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As well as calling the courthouse, I am calling a local aid agency that will help me find a job and daycare for the kids. The sitter I lined up is switching jobs, so that complicates things. I got phone numbers and information about all kinds of things I can do to get things going. My county has a program that covers all kinds of things. I have called some of them already, and set up a couple of appointments. I also took my DD to the doctors office...and they reduced the bill by 50% because I have no medical coverage yet! All of this is right around where I grew up. Its good to be home!

My FIL told me they would pay me to help him around his house every week. That is supposed to be soon. So even when I get a regular job, I could probably continue with that for extra income. Those hours would be during the times my kids are at school. When I get a first shift job, I can bring the kids with me to FIL's. So that should work out.

Dimmu

I think your documentation will kill any request of hers for visitation rights in PA. Her little drug blame game and associations with criminals will just shoot that down like a dead duck.
In Aust we have a real hard time preventing visits even by admitted DV spouses - & they can be male or female - but with one like this I'd have a walk in the park. Then there is the abandonment as well on top of that.
I think any lawyer who could hang a shingle out would have a walk in the park.
So yes take it to the court if you have to.

I think she is slowly coming out of the fog, is OM in jail still?? its probably been a type of unwanted NC of sorts giving her LOTS & LOTS of time alone.
Just imagine being asked by your 6 yr old why do you make Mommy cry & how you would feel from that? Imagine how it feels to have your kids not really that enthused about you being there and saying they want to stay with Dad always.
From a Moms point of view its big kick in the guts ...watch her rationalise that with things like it s not affecting them much, or it will make them less dependant blah, blah blah.

Dimmu, if you had a magic wand & could change her feelings tomorrow and she came back, I think your kids will have trouble trusting her for a long time. This is something you will need to address when or if any reconcilation happens.

aussieswife,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think your documentation will kill any request of hers for visitation rights in PA. Her little drug blame game and associations with criminals will just shoot that down like a dead duck.
In Aust we have a real hard time preventing visits even by admitted DV spouses - & they can be male or female - but with one like this I'd have a walk in the park. Then there is the abandonment as well on top of that.
I think any lawyer who could hang a shingle out would have a walk in the park.
So yes take it to the court if you have to.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think this is why she is cooperating thus far on the custody thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think she is slowly coming out of the fog, is OM in jail still?? its probably been a type of unwanted NC of sorts giving her LOTS & LOTS of time alone.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is in jail for about 4-5 more months, more if he gets charged with the raid. My WW visits him in jail, and he is on work release. They both work at the same place, so she sees him everyday. They eat lunch together on their lunch break. I think that the fog clears a little, then she sees him again, and it resets the fog factor.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just imagine being asked by your 6 yr old why do you make Mommy cry & how you would feel from that? Imagine how it feels to have your kids not really that enthused about you being there and saying they want to stay with Dad always.
From a Moms point of view its big kick in the guts ...watch her rationalise that with things like it s not affecting them much, or it will make them less dependant blah, blah blah. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think she blames me for how the kids feel. She thinks that the kids will not judge her when they are older, for what she has done. The fog is rather thick in certain areas.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dimmu, if you had a magic wand & could change her feelings tomorrow and she came back, I think your kids will have trouble trusting her for a long time. This is something you will need to address when or if any reconcilation happens.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My DD does seem to be slightly indifferent towards WW. Neither one of my kids cries when she leaves. She has let them down a few times, telling them she'll visit overnight, then she doesn't. She cancelled a visit here and there. That bothered the kids in the beginning, but now they act as though they aren't surprised, when it happens now. I'm not sure if they distrust her yet, but they will if she doesn't change her ways.

Greetings Everyone,

It has been a few days since my last post. I have decided to try to stick with one thread, rather than make new ones. Seems to me that it is easier that way. The post is long (like most of mine), with some venting, and advice seeking.

I have been feeling absolutely down for the past few days. The way I have been feeling hasn't impeded my ability to care for my children, but feeling this way is tearing me apart. I have had very dark thoughts, like suicide, but I would never do that. I think that it is a brain/chemical reaction to the pain. I had some spontaneous crying here and there over the past few days. I try to not let anyone see that. My mom actually gave me some crap when she saw me crying one day. "Oh please! How can you be crying over HER!?!?!?"

I have had very little contact with my WW since my last post. She sent me a yahoo message that said she didn't want to chat, but that she just wanted to let me know that she was safe at home (from her trip to visit the kids).

I called her on the phone a few nights ago. She asked me not to call her anymore. She said that she just doesn't want to talk on the phone very often. She said its not me...she just doesn't like being on the phone. She explained that she "feels bad" when I call and she tells me that she can't talk right now, because she knows I'll feel bad. I think that is a rambling, foggy excuse. I think that she is afraid one of her "friends" or relatives will answer the phone when I call, then precede to give her sh1t and peer-pressure to avoid me. I know that her sister won't visit her H that she is cheating on at all, and she thinks thats how my WW should be with me. But WW said she would call me, when she feels up to being on the phone.

She called me the other night, and we discussed her hours, and the money situation. She brought up OM by saying that her hours are shorter because, get this-she is picking up OM from jail to bring to work, and leaving work early to bring him back to jail for his work release. So...her priorties are still OM and not her kids, because if she worked the hours she was losing because of OM, she would have the money to visit them every weekend. She still hasn't called the kids in weeks. Her excuse that she doesn't want to talk to me is lame, because she could talk to the kids then hang up. This reminds me of the scene in Unfaithful, when Diane Lane forgets to pick up her son, because she is with the dirtbag.

So now, its been couple days since we last spoke, and the withdrawl has been intense. But today, I think my Taker was kicking in, because I felt noticable indifference towards my WW. I had sporadic moments where I felt otherwise, but mostly just indifference. I am unsure what this means. My Taker likes to kick in and feel resentment from time to time, but not indifference.

I have also been having thoughts about moving on and meeting other women. My Taker likes to think about this as a way to end the feelings of withdrawl. As much as I miss SF with my W, right now I could settle with us just holding each other all night. I miss that closeness. The ability to hug my W, or lay my head in her lap when I felt the need. I think my Taker wants me to find a GF, and my Giver wants me to be patient and see what happens with my WW.

WW's birthday is less than a week away, and I haven't decided, if anything, what I should do. Then our anniversary is a week from then. Then there is xmas...which she supposedly still plans on spending with the kids and I.

Oh, I forgot to mention. When she brought up OM during our last conversation, I said "I wasn't going to talk about OM at all, but..." She cuts me off and says "Its ok, go ahead..." I say, "...you brought him up so..." "I just wanted to explain why my hours are the way they are, its ok, go on." "Ok. You told me that you and OM don't talk about or plan for the future. Yet, you tell me he says things like "Don't worry, one day WE'LL have the kids". Sounds like future planning to me..." She quickly responded with: "If he and I are together tomorrow, its the future, isn't it? And its mostly OM that talks about the future, not me. I just don't want that..." Well, it sounds to me that either she is setting me up for her to do some fence sitting, or she is just using OM to end our M. Or, she doesn't know what the h3ll she wants. This isn't the first time she has indicated that this A is a temporary thing, that she doesn't see a future with OM.

So, I am basically just dealing with things day by day. I am making appointments, and still looking for babysitters and a flexible job. I fixed a computer the other day. I spent an hour on it and got $20. It would be sweet to be able to do this all of the time. I am trying SO HARD not to call my WW, which after her request for me not to, would probably be a LB if I did. I am trying to not let my Taker get to strong, as I fear a hardening of my heart may happen (like with the first A). I'm already worried that I'll never be able to love or trust a woman ever again, so a hardening of my heart would do me no good.

Dimmu

<small>[ December 06, 2004, 09:34 PM: Message edited by: Dimmu ]</small>

bump

Hi Dimmu,

Don't really have any comments on your sitch right now. Just wanted to say hang in there.

Dimmu it WILL get easier. Everything will fall into place before you know it, if you continue to improve yourself and your life, so that you and the kids can have a happy life.

You are doing great really. The less contact you have with her the better. Stay off of the roller coaster as much as you can.

I would blow off her birthday and aniversary now if I were you, since she pretty much said she would rather not hear from you, or talk.

Any progress on the legal issues with child custody?

Hi Weaver!

I do try to improve myself as much as I can. I have to get through this period of depression though. Its been going on for a few days, whereas it was more sporadic a few weeks ago. I am starting to feel better sporadically though, so hopefully, this bout of depression is about over.

I have been at appointments to get aid for various things. There are programs for displaced homemakers, for childcare, job training, college, etc. I hated having to do it, but I applied for assistance. I never imagined that I would need to do any of this, but its a matter of survival for my children and myself. The people I have met with are very nice and supportive.

As for contact with my WW...I know that everyone is right, I should avoid contacting her. I haven't called her since she requested me not to. Its hard...I can barely stand it. I have been sending IM's through Yahoo, as she said she is fine with that. She hasn't responded in a few days. I'm wondering if she doesn't want me to call because she has some more things to hide from me. Maybe its a test, to see if I can respect her wishes, so she is waiting for me to call.

As far as her birthday...I think I'll just IM her and mention her birthday, and leave it at that. I'll probably blow off the anniversary. Part of me is afraid that if I don't do anything at all on those days, that she'll just use that to justify her actions. I'm very nervous about xmas. She'll probably back out of that as well. She'll probably call me on xmas day and say "Could you bring the kids over to my dad's so I can give them some presents before I head back to PA?" If that happens, my answer will be "No, I will not bring them there. You and I had an agreement about that day, and frankly, I am sick of your games."

As far as custody...she had told me to call the court house to find out what we needed to do (her stipulation being that she is allowed to take the kids with her to PA). But, how can I inform her if I can't call her? IM and email isn't reliable, because 2-4 people who support/enable the A use her computer. I suspect that they have been deleting my messages. I really do not want the kids to go to PA, even if we have it set up legally that she has to bring them back, at least until the false statement business is resolved.

Dimmu

Dimmu,

I know that it is hard but please, do what you need to do legally to ensure that you get custody of those kids.

You cannot waffle on this, your kids future depends on you taking care of this. She is not fit to be their mother, nor are the class of people she associates with.

Worry about your feelings for her later - right now get the custody thing settled. Before OM gets out of jail and they decide to take up family life with your children or some other stupid thing. The ball is in your court right now.

Gotta run dimmu - talk to you later,

weaver

Weaver,

One of the aid programs I am registered with has legal aid support. If they can provide me with a decent family law atty, then I will have more power to fight for custody (I still have the Child Custody Jurisdiction Act to deal with). I did call the court house, and all I can do is file a petition for custody. If she writes a letter with her terms and gets it notarized, and I agree with the terms, then she doesn't even have to show up. But one of her terms is taking them to PA. My terms are that she doesn't take them to PA until the false statement business is resolved.

She doesn't have a leg to stand on...especially if I bring up the raid, OM being in jail, and her own record. But...if WW finds out about the Jursidiction Act...she could theoretically take this to court in PA, where I cannot go until the other legal matters are resolved. There is no guarantee that NY will assume jurisdiction (though it is likely, because I more than likely can prove that the children are not taken care of and exposed to things they shouldn't be if they are with WW). The abandonment gives me the most leverage, even over the raid and OM being in jail.

Another update: My WW has told both me and FIL that she may move in with MIL. While that wouldn't be the greatest thing (more A support/enabling), she would be a significant distance from a lot of the scum that keeps coming over to her house. And I doubt that MIL's husband would allow OM to move in, if and when he gets out of jail. WW keeps thinking about moving to NY around income tax time. And my mom keeps telling me that WW won't get custody. She won't elaborate on that, but she sounds as though she may help with other legal costs.

So, I'm not truly being slow about any of this. I am applying certain tactics while taking baby steps to do so. Even if, by some sick twist of cosmic injustice she won custody of the kids...I wouldn't give up. It wouldn't be hard to get WW and OM's (if he is even in the picture by then) poor parenting on video.

Also, I contacted our IC's supervisor about how bad our IC's are. I explained how my IC, after one visit with both me and my WW, told me to give up, that it was over (this was before any of the major crap happend). I explained that WW's IC isn't promarriage, told WW to do what makes her happy, and that he told WW that he was glad that she left me, but is just infatuated with OM. I also explained that WW signed a release so that our IC's could compare notes, to better help us in our sitch. Well, nothing ever came of that. So I have to speak with thier grievence department, then an investigation will more than likely take place. I also mentioned lawyers, and that I would be relentless in pursuing this. Also, I explained every bad thing my WW has done since seeing her IC. I have read many posts where doing this is recommended, and I am extemely glad that I did.

Dimmu