greer, I don't know exactly what "re-exposure" means, but if exposure has not worked and Plan A has not worked, then it is time for Plan B. Your exposure days are over.

And it sounds to be like you are way past the point to go into Plan B. She has no intention of dropping the OM and why should she?? What woman in her right mind would give up TWO MEN unless she has to?? And she doesn't have to.

If she can get away with going to see her honey for some "closure" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , then she can get away with anything. I would start writing a Plan B letter and have it ready when she gets home. She had stated she wanted to move, so I would encourage her to do so until she is done with her affair. WITHOUT THE KIDS.

Greer, it is time to start protecting yourself and your kids from her profoundly disrespectful, destructive behavior. She has NO RESPECT for you at all and that is because there are absolutely NO boundaries here. As a man, you have an obligation to protect your kids frm this crap.

greer, I don't know exactly what "re-exposure" means, but if exposure has not worked and Plan A has not worked, then it is time for Plan B. Your exposure days are over.

Yes ma'am <removes splinters from left eye brow>
Yes ma'am
Yes ma'am

I gave her plan b letter Thursday. After reading the MB article on Plan B I obiously chose the worst time.

I've made a terrible showing of Plan B so far to.

I know I must.
I know I must.
I know I must.

You are in Plan B? Has she moved out? Have you ended contact with her?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> You are in Plan B? Has she moved out? Have you ended contact with her? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A week ago Thursday I found out about refreshed contact after 4 weeks NC. Though hard about what to do until my mind was made up the next Wednesday. She says she needs the closure meeting. I tell her I am not going on the trip then.

Thursday I give her Plan B letter and do 1/2 @ssed job of implentation. She left for the weekend anyway. There has been drama every since Friday night when OMW called me in tears asking me why I did not drive in.

I guess I should finish answering. She is based at her parents house where 2 of the 3 kids are right now. She has not been there all weekend so far, dropped off kids and left.

I have been in contact with her.

She told me she was planning on coming home for clothes and neccessaties and then leaving again. If she is serious then I doubt she will bring kids.

I am one of those that has to take mis-steps the first few steps before I do it right.

I gotcha, so she wanted to go see the OM but called it "closure," <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> in the hopes you wouldn't see it for what it really is: a DATE.

So what are you going to do now?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greergan:
<strong> I guess I should finish answering. She is based at her parents house where 2 of the 3 kids are right now. She has not been there all weekend so far, dropped off kids and left.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you get the kids? That would be tragic for them to be dragged from their home to accommodate her sleazy behavior. Do her parents condoned her affair??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MelodyLane:
<strong> I gotcha, so she wanted to go see the OM but called it "closure," <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> in the hopes you wouldn't see it for what it really is: a DATE.

So what are you going to do now? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really believe that if I had gone in their time together would have been limited. But then also the EA(PA again??) would have outlived this weekend.

That is why I did not go. I did not lie to the kids or her parents when asked why I did not come out.

It turned into a date because I choose to stay home. I was informed that my choice to forward emails to her father extended the time they were together because she was to embarrased to go home.

I was also informed that she cried all night about what was going on. She called me earlier today crying as well.

She feels that she has hurt our relationsip to much to fix, that is why I think she has not ended the affair. She wants to keep OM in the wings in case she needs him.

What am I going to do now?

I want my wife home, I want her to want to be here...I don't want to crucify her but I don't want to give in on my boundries.

I have fear that no matter what I do it will mean that my marriage is over. Especially since she is very good at reading in meanings that do not exist.

She will say
"you told me to leave"
"yes I did but also said leave until you can offer NCP"
"you did not say that"
"yes I did"
"no you didn't"

It is like her brain stops just after the mid point in a sentance or thought and can not handle the rest of the message.

I don't know what to do really.

Greer, she is looking for any and all excuses to continue the affair right now. She is using your boundaries as an excuse to do what she was going to do anyway. She got in touch with OM and stayed out all night for one reason and one reason only: SHE WANTED TO.

Don't let her tell you otherwise. She is trying to manipulate you into feeling guilt for setting rightful boundaries. She is trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty for her choices.

I would reccommend that you stop this nonsense by calling her bluff. She expects you to cave into her manipulations, but if you hold your ground, get the kids, and stick with your Plan B, she will see that you mean business.

Otherwise, you are doomed to many more "closure" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> meetings and nights away from home "because she was too ashamed" to go home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Call her bluff, Greer. Make this end.

I will have to fight for DD, I have no legal standing in respect to the older 2.

So that brings me back to my original question when I rekindled this thread.

If she comes to get stuff and then leaves again, plan B will be much easier.

If she comes home and stays then I need some suggestions.

Logistics:

1) We have only 1 working vehicle with 2 jobs.

2) Neither of us has a place to go except for 250 miles away.

The only thing I can see from my angle is an in-house plan b which I have heard is extremely difficult.

I believe it would be more a LBing sitch because she would not take it very well if I ignored her request for something or other.

I really need some ideas about to make something positive out of little or no resources.

Can you get the kids? That would be tragic for them to be dragged from their home to accommodate her sleazy behavior. Do her parents condoned her affair??

Step DD and DD at grandparents
Step DS coming home soon from camping

Her parents seem to not want to get involved and told me so several times yesterday.

BTW: Thanks for helping me sort this out MelodyLane.

I know that I am having a hard time being objective enough.

Evening/morning/afternoon everyone!!!

RIF reporting in for the N/S.... gotta go do some stuff so this is just a drive by post...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by RIF:
<strong> Evening/morning/afternoon everyone!!!

RIF reporting in for the N/S.... gotta go do some stuff so this is just a drive by post... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL, you in the wrong place buddy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Help me please.

I am an idiot and took her call again. She sounded so depressed and insisted that I am sooooo mean and she can't live with me anymore.

<sigh>

She wants to come home with plans on leaving the house at the end of the school year.

Please, I need some suggestions. Please.

I wanna call her back and tell her I will expose to the schools, the scouts her work....

I don't know what is reasonable at this moment.

Greer, tell her that she needs to read your PBL again and that she can come home when a) she ends all contact FOREVER with the OM and sends a letter and b) is ready to commit the marriage.

It doesn't sound to me like she is ready to do anything except come home and use you for a flop house until the next time the spirit moves her to go cat around with the OM.

I would stick to Plan B if I were you. Talk to her long enough to reiterate your conditions. Just be a broken record, Greer:

a) she ends all contact FOREVER with the OM and sends a letter and
b) is ready to commit the marriage.

And its not enough for her to SAY she is ready to commit to the marriage, she must convince you by her actions and verbiage.

So, I take it these children are your step children? That changes my advice tremendously. Better they be with their grandparents now. Maybe that will provide some stability their mother isn't providing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by greergan:
<strong>

I wanna call her back and tell her I will expose to the schools, the scouts her work....

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't bother with that right now, just stay dark, dark, dark. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

2 steps kids 1 we have together.

I did talk to her again tonight. I would not let your avoid the issues at hand and she did not hang up.

It sounds like I might have gotten through to her but not sure. At the end of the last conversation she was very close to tears.

She did not fight at all with me, it seemed like she was actually listening to me.

She says it is just easier to start over.
She admitted that I am not so bad to live with, she just doesn't feel in love with me anymore and that OM can change.

She admitted that OMW and myself did nothing wrong and that it was her and OM that have caused all the problems.

OMG It sounds just like dday + 1.

I told her that she needs to make a commitment one way or the other and stick with it.

I need to hear commitment before she starts driving tomorrow and I need to see proof of a plan by the end of the week if she chooses to step foot back in our home.

No commitment prior to her starting the drive and I am going to pack some bags and put them on the front steps and darkness will begin.

I apologize if I seem defiant, asking for help then modifing.

Tomorrow is her decision day. If she can't make some effort to get home then she can stay away.

a) she ends all contact FOREVER with the OM and sends a letter and
b) is ready to commit the marriage.

So I guess I really wasn't real far off in our conversation tonight.

I did remind her of the good times and how recent times *have* been getting better.

I asked her what she would tell our daughter happened when she gets old enough to understand better. She said "I will tell her I messed up".

...I think I will insist on a draft plan for IC and MC commitments.

I will be so sad if she decides that she is to broken to fix or that our M is to broken to fix.

She is sooooo down on herself right now.

And I know I sound like I am getting sucked back in.

So, I make this commitment to anyone that cares to hold me accountable that tomorrow is My dday.

Either there is a commitment or there isn't and I promise to act accordingly.

So if she chooses not to commit and I push her leaving our home I can legaly do nothing about my step kids.

With that said, should I fight to keep my daughter (3 3/4 yrs) in the same area as me or let her mom take her 250 miles away with her siblings?

I of course want all my kids next to me every day but I also want to do what is best for the little one.

**

Also does it seem unreasonable to insist on at least 1 session with SH while finding proper IC/MC?

**

After re-reading some of the early posts on this thread from a few months ago I almost feel like throwing in the towel. Can't do this anymore. It is almost like the nightmare is starting over again.

It has been 4 months since she has seen OM in person and now it is like everything I/we have worked for is forgotten. It feels like we are reliving dday and the months after dday again.

5 months of Plan A with no verbal commitment from her for me, our marriage or NC.

All I get is the negative thrown back at me and her desire to be dead and how she is such a bad person.

I am obviously not equipt to do anything other than guide her to get help, but she has to want it and want to participate in it but it doesn't seem like she wants any help.

<small>[ March 20, 2005, 10:29 PM: Message edited by: greergan ]</small>