I am finding that our early recovery, 12 days since NC is harder on me than Plan A.

I do fine when we are busy, with other people, etc. But sitting at home alone with my FWW is mental torture...just knowing that things aren't right between us drives me crazy..so I think about just getting away, going to see a friend...response 'Why, stay here with me'.

We are honestly doing great, she tells me she loves me, that everything is going to be ok, etc. But she's not to the point of meeting my EN for affection...she'll hug back, if I ask her to come lay with her head in my lap when we're watching tv or something, she does...but she doesn't initiate it..

She's honest with me, completely. We had a great weekend except for a few hours Sat night when she was sort of moping around...I asked her what was going on with her..she was honest..she said she was 'thinking about and missing the OM a little'....hurts, but grateful for the honesty

She seems completely at ease and relaxed with the pace of things, says she knows it will all work out, but that it's going to take time..even wants to watch friggin' lifetime movies about couples who have affairs...I asked her, how can you stand to watch that sort of stuff right now...she said that the couples always work it out and end up happy together and it helps her...

She's happy, relaxed and pleased to be on the road to recovery..admits she still misses the OM sometimes but loves me, made the right decision for our future and knows that everything will be ok in time

After all the progress we've made and how good things are going; sometimes I feel like bailing out on the M just to get some sort of closure because the unbearable state of limbo I find myself in is insufferable...

I am going insane...I consider myself a healthy person mentally, but I seriously wonder if I should go see the family doc and get on AD's temporarily...ugghhh

<small>[ November 29, 2004, 05:49 AM: Message edited by: Hurting Hoosier ]</small>

HH,

Yes, recovery is more difficult. Why? Because you now have a place to put your expectations. Your taker now wants to see immediate results and she will be going in and out of withdrawal. Also your needs are screaming for attention.

You need to step back and breathe a bit. Go see your doc for meds if needed. Do deep breathing exercises but don't hyperventilate. ok?

Read the book His needs/Her needs and giver/taker. Both are by Dr. W. Harley.

Read my sig thread under 5 stages of grieving. It will help you know what you as the BS may go through.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, recovery is more difficult. Why? Because you now have a place to put your expectations. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That makes sense. I believe that during Plan A, I really probably didn't have that much hope..now that she has done NC and we are in recovery..I just want everything to be right (actually better)..

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your taker now wants to see immediate results and she will be going in and out of withdrawal. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, that is exactly it. She didn't think she would have withdrawal herself, it only lasted a couple of months and she found out in the end that she had been lied to and used..but she does still find herself missing him...she makes it a point to tell me that she never doubts her decision to save our M, just that she sometimes still misses him

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You need to step back and breathe a bit. Go see your doc for meds if needed. Do deep breathing exercises but don't hyperventilate. ok? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep. I will be fine, takes more than this to get me down...just good to know I am not alone and that others have gone through/are going through the same thing.

HH,

I feel your pain. My ww is going on day 12 of no contact. I'm currently reading SAA and my question is when does plan A become recovery?

I think I have seen a slight diffrence in my ww because a couple day's ago she took the kids to the library and she came home with s book written by Dr. Laura Schlessinger " The Proper care $ feeding of Husbands" I laughed when I saw the book she had but then my laugh turned to seriousness when I saw she was serious about reading it. As of today she has only one chapter left to read and I have seen for myself my ww's attempts to fix us.

I don't know if it's a book to help A's but my wife has told me she now realizes that the things I have done in the home should have counted.

I reccomend this book for any H who has a WW. My wife still does not love me but i'm sure that will come in time. Your very lucky that your wife is able to tell you she loves you, thats three little words I miss the most.

I hope things between your wife and you get better.

I also understand that frustration you feel, I sat in bed with my wife last night as we were reading and it drives me crazy wondering where I am in her mind and I so want to talk about the R and the Om but SH say's try not bringing it up during the Plan A. I don't know if I'm in recovery at this point or still plan A till the ends of the six month period of withdrawal.

O great, that is what I have to look forward to? Isn't Plan A enough?

I wish I could really truly understand how someone coule still love and miss such slim. I can tell sometimes when my WW is thinking of OM even though she will not always admit it. The worst part is that OM is a freaking slim bucket and she knows it but won't admit it.

Some times I just wanna build a time machine that will project us a couple of years into the future after all this crap has been done a while.

Anyone wanna help build it? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />