Everywhere I read here I see nothing but affairs and one party (usually the spouse cheated on) searching to find answers in hopes of getting their spouse back.

How do you handle a good marriage with no affairs/abuse/alcohol where the spouse suddenly throws you out after having a third child together? She is going as far as trying to take everything from me including the kids. All with no proof of abuse/abandonment which she is claiming. I really with an affair happened so I can at least understand what the hell happened.

HL- could it be post partem? How long ago was the delivery?

Everyone says post partum but she refuses to seek help. Daughter is only 6 months old and she just Christened her without telling me. She had me removed from my home in Sept. and is trying to take the kids as well as our 2 homes and everything in between. Funny, she has ordered a mental health exam for me! Had to get one herself so hopefully her actions will come back to haunt her in court.

HL,

restarting brings up a good point about post partem depression in your W for in extreme cases some women have killed their children.

What you need to do is accept the fact that she has to recognize that she has a problem before her issue gets delt with and eventually resolved. In the meantime, what have you done to legally protect your interests and those of your children?

CoffeeMan,

We are divorcing. I am fighting for joint custody as sole custody is not an option for me due to work. Three kids is too much and my wife has plenty of family support, which I believe is a major factor in our breakup. W is refusing joint custody as well!

We have numerous court dates in Jan with family and Supreme court to deal with everything. W is not open to mediation, negotiation, nothing. She's just rolling the dice to see what she can get out of this. She wants all kids, no visitation for me, no custody, both houses, a home business, child support and maintenance. Gee, what's left for me? It's just a matter of time before she realizes this will be very tough on her and her aspirations are unrealistic at best. I feel terrible for our kids as we are very close.

Mid life crisis? My H freaked out after we had our third child, however he did chose to cheat. He claimed he just freaked out at the thought of having 3 kids, house, wife, 2 cars at the age of 25, so he decided to relive some of his teenage years, with a teenager (19) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . I do not know why your wife would do you in this way, are you sure there is no one else? Are you going to fight for your children?

What does your attorney say about your prospects post divorce?

My atty is confident I will get joint custody as well as one of the houses. Given the fact she can't support either house, I may have the option of buying her out. Anyone else been through this type of thing.

why does she think she holds so many cards so to speak. is there something you are not shareing? In my experience, I was told everything would be split 50/50 except H would have to wait until youngest son turned 18 or I remarried to get his half of the equity.

HusbandLost, it would probably be more helpful if you shared something more about the dynamics of your marriage. You have talked of the verbal argument that led to the protection order...can you go into that a little? Also I noticed that your wife is upset because you are dating. I think we need more information to help you in this difficult situation. KB

Here is an excerpt from a recent post so you can see where and how this started.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Update: W had me removed from home 2 months ago. Now visiting kids for first time supervised at local YWCA. Kids are 7, 5, 6 months.

Order of protection in place. Verbal fight, no violence after W emptied all personal and business accounts. Left us near broke. W does not work and this all occurred 1 month after birth of 3rd child. Possible depression but not diagnosed or attempted to diagnose.

Reason for her actions: I had asked her to babysit our kids while I went out to search for an additional investment property. She got so insulted, she emptied our accounts and retained an attorney. 3 months of talking only got me here.

I feel I was set up to be removed but that's another case. I'm still paying bills and a lot of hurtful words have been exchanged since with both families, as well.

It would be tough to reconcile but I would try since kids are devastated and W and I had a good marriage. Lots of help needed.

UPDATE: We are past the point of reconciliation.

W feels only I need help, not her. Will not seek joint counseling. I am in C right now.

Money is critical at this point with attornies and such. I want to speak to W to see if she's interested in future reconciliation. (She is not)If not, then let's talk about our financial future for our kids. We own 2 homes, a home business and I am full-time employed. So far, she has been uncooperative although she is interested in talking. (Not anymore) I have initiated divorce after 5 months of her threatening to do it herself. She has never filed.

She called this morning to tell me she will call me later. I want to know what to say to convince her to either work towards a future, or at least work towards a financial agreement.

UPDATE: She is not interested in settling on our own. Wants judicial intervention.

She has said recently that she wants everything. But I could not convince her that won't happen even with judicial intervention. She wants the business, both houses, child support and maintenance and she basically wants me to disappear from our kids' lives.

I'm thinking she's a bit irrational but she has indicated that she is getting desperate for communication and a resolution. I do not give her cash because of the way she "stole" all of ours. I told her I would reimburse monies spent on food, diapers, etc. but could not give cash as it's very tight with me paying all of the bills. I am using equity in our home to help make ends meet. "No deal" was her words. Like she has room to bargain. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

you should tell her you would be more then willing to watch the children in the evening (or when you are off of work) if she dropped the order of protection and then she can get a job and start supporting herself and her children, as that is what she will have to do anyway if she continues down this path. It is not your sole responsiblity to provide for the family, she is chosing to walk away, now she needs to face reality. I feel so badly for those children.

KMEJ,

My sentiments exactly but we are way past dropping the order. I pleaded for the first month for her to come to her senses so it will stay in place until Feb 15.

I've told her to begin looking for work. She is trying to play the abused victim who can't support herself but she has a long work history. What a fool and I too, fear for my children.

As far as dating: I never cheated on my wife in 14 years. However, once it became clear that she was going full steam ahead with this and not dropping the order, I have dated a couple of times. Nothing serious but why should I sit around 60 miles from my home with no contact with my family? I refuse to die like she wants me to but I am aware that I am not ready for anything serious until my divorce is settled.

As far as dating: I never cheated on my wife in 14 years. However, once it became clear that she was going full steam ahead with this and not dropping the order, I have dated a couple of times. Nothing serious but why should I sit around 60 miles from my home with no contact with my family? I refuse to die like she wants me to but I am aware that I am not ready for anything serious until my divorce is settled.

how long have you been seperated?

since September 17, the day 2 sheriffs asked me to leave. Although they were very sympathetic being our house was furnished with baby cribs, toys, lovely pics, etc.

not really long enough to start dateing. I know that it would hurt me to see how easy it is for my spouse to move on, and maybe even build resentment. Maybe she is feeling you do not really love her as you are already dateing, that she means nothing to you. Just my 2 cents. I know I was beyond hurt when I found H cheating, and I as well did not wait to terriable long before I started to hang out with members of the opposite sex (not really dateing - just hanging out). I know that my H was very hurt and it was a slap in his face, however for a while it pushed him harder and faster to being done with the M.

WHen was the last time you talked? Can you ask for more visitation? What reason did the court have to only grant you that little and supervised?

KMEJ,

True. Not long enough but I am just hanging out, not really dating. And yes, it does bother her but then again, I did not leave the house and I asked to her to seek counseling with me and start new. She refused.

It was clear by her actions that she was not interested in reconciling UNLESS I got on my knees and begged her. I know that was what she was after.

I had been so emotionally and verbally battered by her and members of her family for many years and there was no way it was coming down to that.

After all, if she could kick me out with no recourse and expect me to crawl back, what position would I be in later on? There has to be a level of respect for your spouse, if not, you're dead in the water and that is pretty much what it came to.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HusbandLost:

After all, if she could kick me out with no recourse and expect me to crawl back, what position would I be in later on? There has to be a level of respect for your spouse, if not, you're dead in the water and that is pretty much what it came to. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well said, for in order to love someone you have to respect him/her first.