I can't stand it today. I can't live with any of it. My own self-loathing. The pain, the fear, the uncertianty.
Wife is being supportive. I just can't deal with things today! I am having wave after wave of self doubt.
I don't know how to deal with any of it.

Wishing it would all go away...

sorry for yelling and venting

Have you seen a counselor? I'm assuming from your post that you are a WS. Personally, I think if my WH started feeling a little self-loathing and remorse, we could start getting someplace. Probably all of us BS would like the WS to have a little of our pain.

Sorry, just not in a sympathetic mood today.

Nope...I'm a BS....and feeling like BS.

Wife's support through my tough time today is dwindlng to the point she is so sick of me.

I'm too messed up for anyone to deal with. Even myself. I feel like I'm back to square one emotionally.
I can't stand it any longer.

There isn't any escape from all this. It seems to be so hopeless.

been there done that and will probably do it again.
I have found that each time it gets easier to deal with all the BS of being a BS.

Part if it comes into play when I don't back down from WW whe she starts to call me a baby. I have started to remind her that she also acts like a baby when she minimizes the pain she has cause me.

Every day I have an panic attack gets me one day closer to know what happened and feeling it but not letting it control my life.

So if I am having a bad day, I let myself and if anyone disagrees with my bad day then they can kiss my @##. That especially goes for WW who seems to want me to foget anything happened.

Dude, you can get through it. Just give yourself some time and learn from the pain. As I have done that I have become stronger and have learned more about how to emotionaly protect myself. I will end up a better man for staying in the fire (as long as WW shows progress in becoming more compassionant and empathetic).

PHEW.....that is over.

My wife didn't run away either. Panic attack is the best description of what I had going on today.

I'm out of the woods anyway.

I came home wife gave me a hug. While I'm sure she's not pleased since I spent the better part of the afternoon on the phone with her. I think she understands.

It is a hard middle ground to take with her. It isn't her behaviour that sets things in motion. It's just "stuff" or just the daily triggers.
Anyways, I don't like to blame her when I feel this way.

as I said a moment ago....

PHEW glad that is past.

what did you do/think to get passed it?