I just came home today from visiting my family in SC. It was extremely lonely coming back to an empty house and nobody here to greet us. I am having a hard time tonight for some reason.
I just feel so lonely.
I found out that I will be served this week. I don't know how I will handle it. I want the divorce but it will still be very hard on me. I guess I just have the holiday blues.

Hi Trish. Im sorry your so down, like you said holiday blues. i know you hate the idea of getting served, but think of it as your start to a new beginning, and i truly believe your STBXH and OW as well will get what they deserve. Wheres that cute son of yours?

Thanks for responding. I am really having a hard night. I truly feel like I'm having a break down. I guess it could just be a panic attack. I just got an email from my STBX saying that he is filing for shared custody and that I won't be getting as much money. He's also threatening now to take my car and computer. He says he signed something that gives him the right to take it away to save his credit.
I truly don't know why he's doing this to me. I haven't done anything to this man and now he's just being so cruel. I've never known him to be this way. I'm trying hard to get a grip right now and calm down. It's just so hard.
It just hurts so bad that someone that I loved so much is treating me like I'm nothing. Was my enite marriage a lie and did he ever really love me? How could I have gone on for so long and not seen something???

Tree, i cant seem to get a handle on your stbx. but then i cant understand my wh either. as near as i can figure, he use to send you those inspirational greetings and say he hoped you guys could still be friends and socialize and stuff.(barf) what happened between what he did then and what he's doing now? did you stop talking to him or something? you may have said it yourself in your post to tom joad that these ws just like to have people fighting over them. could be he's freaking out that you are no longer giving him the reactions he craves and he's pulling out all stops to get you to call him up crying or something like that. Dont give in to him, be strong.

TreeReich
Hi sorry to hear about the papers, I dont know if this is true or not but, If your not ready to divorce you dont have too, When you get the papers if you have like 20 days to respond just send a responsed that you feel your marriage is not irritreavible broken. or In front of the judge say the same thing and they will throw it out, check with an attorney, dont do things in there time, do it in yours and dont sign anything or agree to anything. Talk to a Lawyer.
Just something to think about.

I am trying so hard to be strong. I was doing so good and now I'm crying my eyes out again.
I did stop talking to my WH. I haven't talked to him in 2 months. He just seems in such a hurry to get rid of me. I think that just really hurts even though I don't want him back. In his email he was apologizing for serving me during the holidays. I don't think there is ever a good time but he could have at least waited until after Christmas.
Maybe he's in a hurry to marry the OW. Who knows. Maybe she's pregnant. ???
He's telling people that I'm not capable of taking care of our son financially. I just don't understand why he is doing these things to me..to our son.

Thanks confused04. I do want the divorce but it will be tough signing the papers. Just finalizing it will be hard. I am going to see my lawyer on Dec. 7th.
I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that I will have to sell my home and find a full time job and finding an apartment that I can afford. I just feel extremely overwhelmed!!!!!

TreeReich,

And now the $$$ signs start blinding him.

I just got an email from my STBX saying that he is filing for shared custody and that I won't be getting as much money. He's also threatening now to take my car and computer. He says he signed something that gives him the right to take it away to save his credit.

HE SIGNED SOMETHING??? Bullpoop!! Sounds like the boy is on a power trip (maybe being prodded by the OW?)

Are you still making payments on the computer and the car? If these are paid off, then the guy is on glue!!

DON'T BE SAD...GET PISSED OFF!! Fight for yourself and your son. You do have a lawyer, correct? Don't sign anything! The more of an [censored] he wants to be the more you should be telling him where to get off.

If he says the sky is blue I would be doubting it right now.

Like Confused04 said, you don't HAVE to do anything. Get an attorney! PLEASE!!

k

<small>[ November 29, 2004, 09:50 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

IM just hate this for you, I just dont feel like being acomodating to these people who are in a rush to dump their spouses and if its a burden I would slow it down as much as I needed to even
though you want it too.
But I understand that feeling of being overwhelmed because its been a series of these
feelings we go through just trying to keep up with what they want, and what they have put us through for their happiness. I wish you the Best with whatever direction you take because we will be stronger in the end and they will have a trophy wife that will suck them dry and we will be on our way to the better life because we know we gave it our all, and can hold our heads high.

TreeReich,

You were not working during your marriage? You should be due alimony. You should go to you attorney with a "fighting for my life and child" attitude.

k

krusht..
I worked throughout the marriage. I actually quit my job of 3 years in May to spend the summer with our son. We both agreed on this. He is now blaming me for everything and saying that I didn't financially support him.
Should I respond to his email or not?
I was thinking of saying "You can speak with my attorney". Don't know.....what do you think?

don't respond to ANYTHING he does by communicating with him. Have a third party tell him to have all future communications thru your attorney.If nothing else, i think your driving him crazy by not talking to him. good luck.

I was thinking of saying "You can speak with my attorney". Don't know.....what do you think?

Tree, (may I call you Tree?)

I would not respond at all UNTIL you speak to your attorney.

He cannot and will not dictate how this will go down. You WILL become pro-active and tell HIM how it will be.

Like a mother grizzly fighting one and all for the safety of her cub.

EDITED TO ADD: sounds like there might be 3 years of alimony!!

k

<small>[ November 29, 2004, 07:20 PM: Message edited by: krusht ]</small>

Tree - Hang in there and keep your chin up. You will have a better life, and be happy again. It sounds to me like your husband is bluffing.

Right after D-day my WH wanted me to move in with my boys, and he was planning to move OW into our home. I almost did it as I was so depressed. Luckily I woke up, and after 2 years, I'm still here. Now he is trying to get on my good side, so I think he found out that he is NOT going to get what he thinks.

Don't give up.

Thank you! I will just sit tight and not respond. I see my attorney next week. I just can't talk to him without getting angry. Just seeing his face makes my blood boil. I have to see him for the next few days because my son made the all star baseball team. I'll be glad when it's over so I don't have to see him for a while. I'm going to stay strong!!!!!!
I'm feeling a little better now. I had my little breakdown and now I'm good.

As the others said, if you don't want a DV, don't sign the paperwork. Talk to your attorney and postpone things as long as you like...

It's kinda funny. My WW wanted so badly to get a DV so I finally agreed. We went to court, did all the paperwork and then the next day she said she knew we made a bad mistake and we withdrew our DV paperwork. Well she came back for about 2 weeks but the addiction of the OM was too strong and she went back to him.

Well, six months later, here we are about to go through the DV proceedings again. This time it's on her birthday. So, she'll either have a great birthday or a terrible one... By the way, she kicked OM out about 3 weeks ago and changed all her locks on her apt.

One thing I can tell you is, almost all affairs end. Eventually, the OP cannot fill all the emotional needs. Sometimes the WS comes back, if you have plan A'd well enough, or they go their own way, but at least we, the BS get a little satisfaction in knowing that WS and OP aren't together any more!

I hope you well. Believe me, I know how you feel. I've been dealing with this for a year and 4 months. Some days are better than others, but I still have some bad days. When I got the DV paperwork in the mail the other day, I felt pretty low. Besides that, my Ds are with their mom in Florida enjoying the Thanksgiving holiday! I had 4 days off for Thanksgiving and I didn't do a thing after I received the DV paperwork. All I can say is it has to get better some day!... Take care...

thank you lost-without-her!

I'm sure that this affair will end because the whole relationship has been based on lies. Even if they stay together they will never truly be happy.
I honestly do want this divorce. I don't want my WH back. He's gone too far and I know in my heart that I could never forgive him. I deserve so much better.

I just wish that he could have waited until after the holidays to serve me with papers. I think that he is being ver cruel to do that not only to me but to our son during Christmas. It's thoughtless!
He did say in his email that I can have all holidays with our son. I plan on taking that to the lawyer.
I have so much paperwork to fill out. I'm overwhelmed and wish I didn't have to do all of this during the holidays.

TreeReich, I hope you the best in the DV if that is what you want. But, one thing you should know is that your WH is not acting in a normal manner. The affair has made him into something that is foreign to you as well as him. That's not to say that he will continue to be this thoughtless person when the chemicals in his brain normalize again. I know my WW did and said a lot of things that were not in her character. She all but abandoned our 2 daughters and they were her life before OM came into the picture. Affairs do things to people and make them do things that aren't normal to them. Inside, I know my W is still the same person. I just don't know if I'll ever see that side of her again because she has hidden it away. I know your WH seems very cruel right now, but know that it is the way of a Wayward person. This is normal behavior for them. The husband you married is still within your WH and he may some day come back out. I hope you consider this before you make your final decision to DV. Like I said in the earlier post, affairs end... I wish you the best in whatever you decide and I hope your holidays are bright!

P.S. I was looking at the MB photo board and saw all the people on it. I can't see how our WSs could let go of such beautiful people...

Hi there TR,

I just wanted to say you are not alone.I have felt a lot of what you mentioned.Just looking at my WH makes me so mad and so I don't look at him if I can help it.He is still coming to the home every other weeknd but that is about to end.We are having our second mediator session in a couple weeks to hopefully get this D over and done with.We have one more meeting with a Financial advisor since there is a lot of money to be split(most of which I am getting naturally <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) so my advice to you like the other's say is get MAD,and get busy.Don't discuss anything with your WH since it could come back to bite you.Just keep mum about anything he says,threatens or does.Keep a record of his behavior and document what he tells you.Slowly fill out any paperwork you have or will have.When I got all my paperwork,it was overwhelming to me too but I just took one page at a time.

I don't know your whole story but it's seems very unfair that you are going to be doing without as much as you have eluded to.Did you own the home jointly? If so,is there any way you can keep it with your salary and income(alimony/CS) from your WH? This is what is happening to me.I am keeping the home and when my 2 DD's are out of college,I will buy out my WH's half.This was one thing I was not going to negotiate on.I was not going to move or give up our beloved home when my WH is making gobs of money.It's his loss and he can be the one to live in a apartment,with or without the homewrecker,I don't care.

I too am done with my WH.There is just too much that has gone on that I cannot honestly ever get beyond at this stage.Not even if he came to me tomorrow and finally said and did all the right things.He is a selfsih confused mixed up man who is giving everything up he had for a potential.I will never forget all the pain and suffering he caused me and how sick and revolting this has been for me.No.It's best for me to be without him completely even though,now,we are arguing over his desire to still see me and have me in his life even though that is not what I want and it will not happen.

Well,that's enough about me.I got side tracked there.Sorry!

Just try to remember that even though a D is what you want to proceed with and your WH is acting like a ...well,you know,it doesn't mean that you will not still grieve for your marriage and what was,perceived or not.It's a sad day for me too to think of 20 years being obliterated and replaced with this last year of pain,anger and sadness.I never thought it could happen and for that,I also will never forgive the homewrecker and her crackpot parents for their part in this,never.Let the feelings come,pamper yourself when this happens and wait for it to pass,it will.I still have moments like you did as well.And I know I will for some time to come but I always come out the other end intact and strong.

By the way,I saw your picture and that of your son on the MB photos too and of course,your WH is nuts to be giving up such a pretty lady and beautiful looking son.You and your son do deserve better than what your WH gave you.Time for a new chapter in life,right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Stay Strong!

O