We're making baby steps. WH agreed to find an IC and has an appt for next week. I'm happy with my IC but I'm not sure WH has put enough effort into this. He called a therapist listed on our insurance, a man, who told him he'd make an appt for WH with one of his collegues, a woman. So this would a be person my H has never talked to. I'm worried. WH has never been in counseling. I'm afraid that if he doesn't find somebody he clicks with, then we won't get anyplace. WH is an engineer and finds it hard enough to open up.

I'm not very good at this IC thing either. I feel lucky that my IC person was somebody I could talk to. Can anybody give me advice on what questions I could have WH ask this person over the phone to see if he feel comfortable with her. WH seems to think it's a 6 of 1, half dozen of another, thing. That all Counselors are the same. I don't want to be controlling but we're finally getting someplace. I want IC to work. Hopefully, we can do MC with the same person. Help!

Would u 2 be willing to phone counseling from your home w/Steve @ MB?

Don't fret about your H......mine didn't want to talk either but once the IC/MC got him started, couldn't shut him out. So don't try to 2nd guess him right now.

L.

They do that? I'll check it out. You're right, I won't second guess hubby. I had a bad therapist about 10 years ago. Just couldn't connect, didn't feel safe and didn't want to continue. Maybe if I'd drug H there that time for MC, we'd be in a better place.

Carol, I think your concerns are very valud. I'm in the mental health field and I think there are both good and crappy therapists out there.

My H has been going to IC since d-day. There is a danger with IC when there are M issues going on, that an incompetant C can just "help" the client do what will make them happy. I'm over simplifying this, however my one piece of advice is this. For myself I needed the peace of mind that H's IC was pro-M and had some knowledge about As. I didn't want a bad therapist causing more problems for us. After that, at some point I had to let what was going on in his IC go.

I think IC is very important for the FWS. It is a place where they can get out their feelings about things too hurtful for us to hear and them to reveal. I don't know how involved your H's A was, but I can tell you that my H was in heavy withdrawal at the one month mark. We really couldn't even work at our issues then. It was more about me supporting him through his grief, which was hell.

If you eventually go to MC definitely make sure the therapist knows all about As and healing from them. Steve Harley is expensive, but periodically we have talked to him individually and together, and he is really good. Please tell your H that not every therapist is created equal. Not only should he eventually feel comfortable enough to talk, but the therapist needs to have the experience and necessary skills. And not every shrink is pro-M. Hope I didn't scare you. This is JMHO. Good luck! CV