I am just wondering for those who have gone through marriage counseling, how important to your recovery you feel it is/was?

I told my fww that I really thought we needed to go and at least see what it could be like for us. She agrees, but says she really doesn't feel like it's necessary. She says, 'we both know what we did wrong and I know I really screwed up and it won't happen again, so what's the point?'

I know that her reluctance is probably based on the same as Bob's Squiddy...not wanting to deal with what she has done and the feelings of guilt, etc. associated with the same. She would rather, as she says 'Let the past be in the past'.

We mutually agree on the following things:
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• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We love each other</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">We want out marriage and to be in it</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Her A was a horrible hurtful thing</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I should have been more attentive to her</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My mother has been a serious problem in our R</font></li>
• <font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It will take time to heal our M, and for all our feelings for one another to fully return</font></li>

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Are we good candidates for MC? Do you think I should go ahead and make an appt? My concern would be that this early in recovery, we are doing really well and I hate to rehash a lot of hurtful stuff for fear of setting us back.

<small>[ November 30, 2004, 06:28 AM: Message edited by: Hurting Hoosier ]</small>

HH,

My W and I tried to "do it ourselves"... said almost the exact same things that your W said... We both felt the same way that you and your W feel...

IMHO, we wouldn't have rebuilt our M if it wasn't for our MC. Make sure that the MC you select is pro-marriage. There are many MC that will sit and listen to you and your W then tell you that there's no hope and that you should divorce... Ask before you spend any money with them...

This is a great site, but it doesn't take the place of professional MC... Please don't fall into the trap of "Well, things seem so much better, so we really don't need MC..."

If you and your W don't deal with the issues that caused her to stray in the first place, then at some point in the future, you will deal with them again...

Semper Fi,
RIF