Is anybody else in my shoes? I think a lot of the problem with my marriage and probably a lot of others are the expectations and pressures put upon employees by companies these days. My WH works in the computer industry but I'm sure it's not alot different than others. They are pressured to put in a zillion hours. Go in early, leave late. Take work calls at home. Answer emails on our home computer. It's a job he loves and pays really well. Those are among the reasons I've put up with the hours for so long. There doesn't seem to be a choice in this industry. If you don't put in 150%, you are a good position to be laid off. Like if you choose to spend time away from work, you're just not a good enough employees. Like you're penalized for trying to be an active part of your family. WH has no boundaries between home and work. WH squeezed in his A on an extended business trip. I could ALMOST feel sorry for him when he continued seeing the OW after he came back because it's involved an hour drive each way, time visiting her and staying on top of work. (We'll soon see if this has stop.) I feel like the company set him up. No wonder so many of their employees are divorced.

It seems there's a lot of military people here. I imagine the stresses are the same. Don't the corporate heads realize how they are tearing families apart? Shouldn't they look beyond the financial bottomline?

Just a vent....

No, corporate america does not care. You are nothing but cattle to them. If you complain, you are replaceable.

This is coming from a person who has been laid off 3 times in 5 years. The financial strain that put on me, on our M is one of the causes, I believe, for the state of our M pre WW's A. I was, and still am, under so much pressure because of the bills we racked up during that time period trying to survive that I became introverted. I resented my W every time she spent a dime. She wanted to go out, I wanted to stay in. We grew apart.

Now, I don't even care about money or bills. They are meaningless compared to my M. I would rather be poor and loved.

This is a real hot topic with me. Corporate America may not *cause* affairs outright, but they sure as hell do enable them at every turn.

Why? Because it's good for the bottom line. Employees who are getting all juiced up on each other don't mind working overtime, don't mind going out of town, and don't mind being away from their families.

And don't ever fall for that old urban legend about how "the company won't let them cheat together because it might lead to a sexual harassmant suit." That's bullcr@p -- show me one case where that's ever happened -- and it's designed to keep the families quiet.

American corporate culture means the employees behave like they're in high school in this *very* protected environment where there's no chance of a spouse ever walking in. It means they are strongly encouraged to leave their family life at the door and bond with their co-workers instead. It means NOTHING is off-limits, because the excuse of "it's okay -- we work together" covers EVERYTHING they want to do behind their spouse's back.

Do a search of the MB site under my membership number. I've talked about this many times here. I despise this corporate culture and its homewrecking "Teambuilding" <spit> mindset. If you have a spouse who is at all self-centered or who is at all shaky in the morals department, working at one of these places is like pouring gasoline on a fire.

And good luck putting it out. The Company will greatly reward your spouse for actions which are extremely damaging to your marriage. Gee, how can they be right and you be wrong? Brace yourself for *that* argument to go on and on and on.

grrrrr . . . I'd better stop now. Just do a search on my number. I think we need a separate board just for spouses of Big-Corporation Employees.

Mulan

Sounds like it's time for a new job and to rearrange priorities. Good pay is nice but sometimes family time is the trade off. Unfortunately, we can't always have both. However, not all companies are like this. I work for a publicly traded Real Estate Company that has very strong family values. When I told them I was pregnant after only being here 6 months, they couldn't have been more supportive.

Carol....Do NOT get me started!!! OMG! Glad to see Mulan responded....I immediately thought of her. Out of the five couples that I mentor...three of them are in the computer industry. The oil industry, which is where my husband works...is even worse!!

H works in film/television industry.

Our POJA ... he only accepts jobs "in town" and no longer works at far away filming locations. A financial hit? ... yes. Worth the peace of mind? ... well, duh!

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Add government work to that list. When I exposed my H affair to his bosses, after being told that they suspected it, I was told there was nothing they could do about it unless job performance starting slipping!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

It did, and they did hold up their end...told the two of them to behave <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...but did give H the option to change offices which he did.

The sad thing was when OW started falling apart my H was basically accused of harassing HER! In reality it was the other way around...glad that they believed him.

<small>[ November 30, 2004, 03:05 PM: Message edited by: victoria farrar ]</small>

Ditto Mulan [and pretty much everyone else too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ]

Noodle

I'm thinking any job could be a 24/7 job if the person lets it. I know some are more demanding than others, but I'm also in the computer field and while we are expected to put in our all while we are at work, they really try to respect our off-time. Granted, we are not doing "sexy" new stuff, but it is challenging and it pays well.

FWS is a family therapist intern. Although he didn't have to be in the office 8 hours a day, I felt his job permeated our life. That's his personality. I can leave my job at work.

Not that I felt alone to start with but it's nice to have support. I don't think anything can change the way companies think. It's just chew 'em up and spit 'em out. I guess ya stick with it until they throw you away or you have enough money to escape.

Oddly enough, this is one of the reasons I've been at stay-at-home mom for so many years. After our eldest was born, it quickly became apparent that there was no way we could both be driven, work at stressful jobs and successfully raise children. I mean, without a very expensive support system, nanny, private school, lots of daycare and the ever popular quality time. Not to mention the bribes. I've seen what happens to kids who don't have a parent who cares. Believe me, my kids know who has raised them.

I'll check your number out tomorrow Mulan. No time today.

Add hospitals to that list. Long shifts, mandatory overtime, and lots of female co-workers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

And you gotta love (in the name of "cost-cutting") the "leave the spouse at the house" holiday parties.

You know, It also has to do with how people define success--

Is money THAT important to them that they are willing to risk their marriages and families to get more of it??

Is that promotion more important than their families?

I don't blame corporate america--I blame greed--
I blame trying to keep up with the Joneses--in order to live a certain lifestyle trying to impress people they really don't care about--to impress neighbors they don't even know--

I have some friends who were doing this--and it finally hit them recently they were up to their eye balls in debt trying to impress people they didn't care about and it was destroying their marriage in the process---so they sold their five bedroom four bathroom house and bought a smaller home--sold their brand new SUV and bought a used one--when they sold their big house they paid off their huge debt cut up their credit cards--worked up a budget that was more inline with what they make and it's saved their marriage to boot--

He stopped working all the long hours at work, lost that job, found another one making less money with better hours--so he has more time to spend with his family--he realized his marriage and family are more important to him than money--

He realized if he lost his family he wasn't successful--and what would make him successful was having a family who loved him and was there for him no matter what amount of money he makes--

Those choices saved their marriage---

So think about it--does having lots of things mean your successful? does making lots of money make you successful??? I don't think so---and from looking at this site---it appears those things tend to end marriages more often than not---

Hey Mulan- Did you ever get any $ out of that lawsuit? I hope I never have to work in a cubical or be a part of a large corporation again. You never know but one can hope.