Since d-day, my FWH has been working very hard on our marriage. I could not ask him to have treated me any better than he has. He has bent over backwards to make things right.

Howver, I have thought for a long time that one co-worker was more attached to my H than she should be. I suspect that she wishes to take the OW place in H's life. she has a bad marriage and has always turned to my h for a sympathic ear. Since his ea, I have asked him not to listen to her "bad marriage" stories. She is in the position to leave if she wants and be financial ok, but she stays. It can't be all that bad if she's staying. He didn't like it, but agreed not to listen to her stories. I have also asked for him not to give and receive presents from women in his office. OW was always giving him "little gifts" and it is a bad trigger for me. He agreed, and had even ask the other women in the office not to get him gifts.

Well, on his b-day, this one co-worker leaves a present in the back of his truck. A pillow just like the one from a hotel in another city. They had attended a meeting out of town recently for a couple of days.

FWS says he made to off hand comment to the co-worker that the pillow were comfortable. He says nothing happened and that he is not attracted to this woman. He says he will return the pillow. I beleive him. He behavior is totally different than when he was involved in the ea.

I have asked that he set up boundaries with other women, and he has agree to this. I'm just kinda hurt that this one co-worker is pushing their friendship to be something else. I'm not upset with H. I think he has proven himself with his recent behavior and attitude.

I'm kinda at a lose as to what else should be done. he has tried to set a boundary. She is trying to cross it. He will return the present. I would like to confront her, but I don't think this would be a smart thing to do. Advice?

<small>[ November 30, 2004, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: shay919 ]</small>

Sending a pillow as a present is not a subtle hint. It is a bold gesture to say she wants to take an R further. Women like this are armed and dangerous. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Your H should realize this co-worker is quite a manipulative person but if you can get a male friend to tell him that within your presence it may help. Or bring it up and let an MC interpert the co-worker's actions.

Not to panic you but if the co-worker can be that bold she may try something again. Those kind c/b quite territorial and think she owns a piece of others. Be careful. The disguise those kind use are to pretend t/b a victim and make excuses for NOT getting out of the victim status.

My gut tells me this is what the co-worker is like. Of course that's my MB hunch..... re: have a couple of drama queen relatives in H's family - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

L.

L.

I agree whole heartedly with Orchid. I also think you should "pee on your territory" a little. Drop in to take your dh to lunch, leave vm's, email him. Make your presence known and make sure you're seen and introduced at co. functions.

One thing I do is drop into the Sheriff's Office unannounced and bring them cookies or homemade bread. The ladies there ALL know he's mine....while leeches like the pillow kooze are hard to get thru to, they are less likely to make a move if everyone in their immediate vicinity adores you.

- Kimmy

As right as Kimmy is, it is not always true. I worked in the same place as my Husband for many years. People loved me there, more then H (who was the boss). I brought in treats, and dropped in all the time to drop off a Mr. Misty (H's favorite) when I was not scheduled. That did not stop the gifts from flying in to my H and kids. Women still doted on him, bringing him cookies and breakfast and presents of all kinds. The OP and I worked together and I let her live with us when she needed a place to stay, we shared clothes and apparently she felt that meant that we shared my Husband as well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Oh ew! K. I'm so sorry. You are correct...but I'll bet it didn't raise her estimation in your co-workers eyes, tho. Nor your dwh.

No it did not. H got fired for it (His boss is a good friend of ours- in our wedding) b/c messing around with an employee is a BIG no no, I was grandfathered in because we were married b4 he became my boss. and she was ran the hell out of the place, they all thought of her in disgust, and I quit the day I found out. Still a friend of many there.

Karma is a funny lady.

Not funny haha, but funny BWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Still tho, so sad great people like us and Tree et al have to meet under such ugly circumstances.

((KMEJ))

Orchid, I think her being "bold" with the pillow was a bit of a turn off for H. I think even he could see that it was out of line.

Dealan, I have been making myself more obvious at the office with little emails, phone calls, and small gifts, and lunch dates. I think that maybe why she's insisted on giving him a present at this point. I hoping that this little stunt of hers backfired and open up H's eyes as to the little game she's playing.

Thanks Kimmy
it actually worked out for H, he is now in a better company with better bennies, and he is happier. His old company has gone down hill since he left. Just wish he did not blame me for him loseing his job. So not my fault. I mean really I did not say "Hey honey come here let me help you take your pants off, and oh yep that goes there!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Please!

One of the women from his old work still calls him, and even came over when I was out of town this summer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . Told H if it happened again that all he would see was my dust. I am dead serious, he knows it.

Shay-
have you thought of talking to the lady in question?

I have been wondering about talking with her, but at this point it may not be the best thing to do. I think she would go to h and describe it as if I was attacking her or something like that so she could paint me in a bad light. I think the drama queen label fits this one.

I would go to H's work and have a chat with this woman and have your H present. Then she cannot say you attacked her to him and your H's presence would send her the signal from HIM that he is definitely OFF LIMITS.

This tactic might also cause friction for the H in the work place. Maybe that is a bad plan. Do you trust your H to do the right thing, the thing he said he would do?

fraggles, need to think that one out, but it maybe the best approach. But there still something about just even contacting her that just bothers me. Not sure why. I personally have never like this woman.

Better yet, go up to her with your dh, thank her for the pillow and tell her your puppy commandered it as soon as it entered the house.

(where's that smiley with the horns and pitchfork?)

kmej, actually, I do trust my h to do the right thing in this situation. My problem is I don't trust the co-worker.

I would not of thought I would ever trust my h after d-day, but his attitude is so different now than before. At first, I think he had a problem with my request for boundaries. That bothered me a lot. And there was a point were he was talking about his co-worker too much for me. Since he wasn't sexually attracted to her, he at first didn't "get" my concerns. Slowly, I think he is "getting" it.

Kimmy,

Oh that one is so much better than mine!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


shay,

Are there any company guidelines or policies in terms of gifts, correspondence, etc Are there boundaries - such as items that are too personal?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dealan-de:
<strong> Better yet, go up to her with your dh, thank her for the pillow and tell her your puppy commandered it as soon as it entered the house.

(where's that smiley with the horns and pitchfork?) </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh dam, I really thought of giving that pillow to the dogs. LOL! Glad to know I'm not the only one to think that way.

You can always say the dogs love the smell of it...no matter how many times you wash it.....

I'm so lmao! I slay me sometimes...............

Just be very gracious and sincere when you speak, okay???? Hehehehehe....oh! I mean, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"

- Kimmy

fraggles, no policy on presents. If there was, i could have used it on the OW (b!tch! but I'm not bitter. LOL!)

Well, she DID give the new puppy a present, so I just assumed the pillow as a present for the dog, too....