i found out last night a friend who is 8 months pregnant just moved out on her husband. i am going to see her tonight. the husband swears there has been no infidelity, he believes his W thinks there has been. her and i did not get into any details while on the phone so i am not sure if that is what she is thinking or not.

she is very open to me coming over, in fact she was very happy, she said she really could use someone to talk to. i plan to be the pro-marriage influence in her life, i'm not 100% she knows that is my stance. i believe her family (parents and sister) are anti-marriage (at least this marriage). and they helped her make this decision. her sister has just gone thru a divorce too.

i believe i know the H enough to know he is not a wife beater and i believe him when he says he has not been unfaithful. i pray to God he is telling me the truth. If there was any situation in which he would of felt free to have been honest, i believe it was during the phone call i just had with him.

here is the interesting twist here... and let me start out by saying my H is completely fine with me going to see this W. This is the brother and SIL to the friend with whom i cheated on. This is the same person that my H went to to tell him about what happened between me and his brother and to pass along the message to his brother to never contact us again. and at that point in time, he also told this person that continuing a friendship with him would no longer be possible as much as that sadden him to say.

It was the friend we knew first, i went to college with him. H and I then all met the extended family and were very much taken in as family. my H was the 4th brother to these guys. this all really stinks!!!

when my H talked to this guy (the brother of the OM) i had asked if it would be ok if i called the wife to say good-bye and to wish her well with the baby. i assume her H shared the info with her. my H was fine with that. it took a while to get up the nerve, i finally did last night and the H answered the phone and told me about how W had moved out.

my H is ok with me going tonight and hopes that i can in fact help to get the W to slow down and re-think what is going on. however he did say he does not want me to make this my pet project. i told him more than anything else, his approval of whatever involvement i have is manditory for me. i will not do anything he is not in agreement with. he says he is in total agreement with tonight. i told him i very much want to understand what he feels will be too much and what is ok. that i 100% don't want to blow off his opinions (something i am definetely guilty of in the past).

i am going to tell her about retrovialle and some books from here. i'm thinking maybe of bringing her a book. i was thinking His Needs, Her Needs. everything can change if she has concrete proof of infidelity, but i am going in assuming none has happened. if she has no concrete proof but is 100% convinced anyway, i'm not sure how to proceed. except to tell her that she is gambling her child's ability to have a family to grow up in.

i am thinking maybe hormones from the pregnancy is making things not so clear. i know they have had problems prior to this. when the dad of these guys passed away earier this year, it was really hard on the H. he is the youngest of the brothers, i believe it hit him the hardest and he clammed up and shut his W out. her and i have talked about this. and then they had 2 miscarriages while trying to get pregnant, now they are 1 month away from making that baby they wanted so badly.

one last thing, i found out from the H that the W does not know about what occured between me and his brother. he did not share that information with her.

i don't know if any of you have any advice you want to give me. i would certainly appreciate any prayers. i know i will be praying all the way up there.

FL, 2 couples in mine and H's circle have recently been torn apart by infidelity. I have found myself in the unexpected position of being the poster-child here for marital recovery. They look to me for hope.

My advice? Be as honest with her as possible. Perhaps sharing your story, will help her to share hers.

Another thing I have learned here, is that not every M can be recovered - if only one partner is inclined to save it. We have watched very painfully as my H's best friend has been asked to leave his home, give up primary custody of his kids, and served with D papers. He tried MC, reading, everything he could think of. The W is deep in the A, and will not consider anything short of D. It is so sad.

While I am pro-M, I am also a friend and supporter - no matter WHAT our friends decide to do with their lives. I listen, I offer a bit of humor about stuff that is just ludicrous and can make us cry if we don't laugh, and let them know that I am here for them - however they choose to move in their lives.

I have found that acceptance of where someone is, many times can unstick them from that very place. It sure worked for my H, when he was wayward!

Hugs to you, and Bless you for taking the time to care about this family.

Spidey

SS, thanks for the note. we talked for many hours last night. i did share everything with her, i told her i was proof that miracles can happen. i think she is doing the right thing for right now which is to put some distance between him and her, she needs to focus on the baby. i told her my strongest advice was to try to protect the love she has left for her H and pray that God helps him take some action to look at himself. she is still convinced he has probably cheated on her but truthfully that does not seem to be the biggest stumbling block for her. i think his behavior towards her through out the 2 miscarriages and now this pregnancy as well as the lies surrounding his gambling. she has lost all trust in him.

i personally believe he loves her and he is very salvagable but i do think he has some looking to do at himself. i know his Dad's death shook him up and he had a hard childhood too. that is going to be my advice to him. to use this time to get real with himself. put his marriage in God's hands.

i know i cannot save these two, i hope i have helped in some way. i will be keeping in touch with her more.