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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896 |
It is really time for me and my FWH to set boundaries (sp). I know I should have done this sooner. Hind sight is 20/20.
Can you give me some ideas? Where do you draw the line?
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896 |
^^ bump^^ someone please help.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896 |
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LiftedUp:
Can you give me some ideas? Where do you draw the line? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you be more specific?
What line where to protect what from what?
Pep
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896 |
I am not even sure I know what boundaries are?? Dumb question I guess. Can you explain.
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 896 |
My husband had a confrontation about him not wearing his wedding ring. For me that is a boundary.
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
Liftedup,
I am just now learning what boundaries are, and how to implement them. But I'll take a shot and try to get some more info out of you atleast to explore this.
What I have learned of boundaries is that when not respected, there is a consequence. So when you define boundaries you also have to be clear on what you are willing to follow through on as a consequence.
Does he understand why wearing his wedding band is important to you and why it bothers you when he does not? Have you explained this in a loving, non-confrontational way?
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 317
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Posts: 317 |
I'm working on this myself. I think one of my boundaries is that WH who is not yet, as least I think but could possibly be FWH, is that he needs to be accountable for his time, location and mileage. That if one of the kids or I call his office or cell and leave a message, he needs to return the call ASAP. The consequence would be that if he doesn't, then we will think the worst of him and suspect he is up to something. Big love buster.
He hasn't quite bought into this yet but it's something I need in order to trust him. We're in the very early stage of whatever direction we may go.
I think the wedding ring thing is a good boundary. It is important to you. It has a meaning in our society. Wearing it is a symbol of being married, feeling married. If he doesn't wear his ring, then you have to think the worst.
That my 2 cents.
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