Gc,

ROFLMAO,

I'm on the BS diet and your copy of love buster's would add weight, and thats not part of the Diet..LOL

I promise I won't eat it. I'm almost done with your other book and should be able to send it back to you in the next week or so.

Still seeking seems like he really knows his stuff, He seems to have me pegged right. I do need to smile more and stop the long faces around the ww.

Still Seeking,

I want to answer some of your questions but I need time to take in what you have told me so far. It seems from some of your answers and questions, you have reached into my heart and seen for yourself what I am becoming because of this A..

I love my wife very much and I want to forgive what she has done, but most importantly I want to be able to go on with her in my life and be rid of the memories of this A

I want my children to be able to wake up and have real smiles on thier faces when they talk to there mother, I want them to forgive her as well.

Last night the ww told me that if I behave she will stay and work on the Marriage but she wants to be friends first, does that make sense? or is that part of this cycle they go through?

I will respond later to your questions and yout comments.. And Greycloud say's i'm blessed to have your help, so coming from Greycloud I will take what you say and use it. Even an ex Army Guy like me is not that thick as to not take help when offered.

Stillseeking / GreyCloud,

I could use some help formulating a Plan A... I have read SAA and plan on re-reading it again so that it really sinks in. I don't know what I'm doing wrong in my Plan A, not even sure if I really do have a Plan A or just going on what I think is a Plan.

The only date I have in my head for Plan B is the Date of June 1, 2005 when the ww has told me she is leaving anyway ( not much of a plan B ) if it's her date and not mine.

I'm starting to get the feeling she is back in touch with Om but I have no proof, If I ask her she say's No and then tells me not to worry. She has also told me that she has days where she thinks of him and then she has days where she keeps busy and does not think of him.

Today she got really decked up for work ( Daycare ) and left a few minutes earlier then usual. Right after she left I got dressed and drove up to where she works to see if her car was there, It took me longer to get there then I thought but her car was at work.

I feel like a dork, When does that trust come back and the worrying stop?

Last night my ww initaiated SF and it was great, it was the best three minutes of my life (Joking) . But I actually felt intamacy while we were making love and afterwards I asked her if I could have done anything better and she looked at me and said NO WAY.. She told me she has never had an issue with the SF between us because I always took care of her needs in bed first. I then opened up and told her that it was the intamacy between us that made it great for me.

I have a problem though, I feel stupid for even saying this.

Last night I woke up at 3:00 after a couple of hours sleep and went down in the basement and sat there for an hour trying to right a suicide note...The pain I feel is so intense and I don't know what to do with it. I feel like a failure, I feel like the Om has taken from me what I can never get back. I finished my note and then I heard my Daughter call for me, I don't know what to do. Today I feel better but it's the hours at night that scare me.

Going on day four with nothing to eat but a jelly sandwhich ( never finished) and a cup of coffee. WW told me the other day she is worried about my not eating, first time she has even mentioned the word care in the same sentence as my name.

All of you have been great with your advice and I keep coming back because I know you all care.

Michael, you are Bob Pure II. You're the spitting image of him three months ago. Ask him about his drive in the woods.

If you don't recognize plan A in your mind, you haven't figured it out yet.

Why don't you talk about some specific situations some more, ask for advice on how to handle them, so you can get more of a feel for it?

Don't sweat it if you don't hear from SS for a stretch. He doesn't come by as much as some.

GC

Michael, GC is correct. I red your posts an I am CHILLED I can speak with your words....

Let me give you a bit of advice. I know your pain. It is endless, nameless. The Abomination that causes desolations that should not be.

And I know how tempting it is to stop the pain at a stroke AND punish your WW and OM for theirr infidelity right now.

But you must take the pain away from your life, not your life away from the pain.

One month from now you will feel better than you can ever imagine feeling agin right now. But you will.

It is important that you adopt habits which are highly indicative of M recovery success so that they are a mechanical part of you when your panic and depair subsides.

Choke down your righteous indignation. You won't feel better by treating your WW as she 'deserves' and you will be justifying her affair with your every LB.

Scour your won pre-a behaviour for stuff you know she hates. Talking too much politics, picking your feet, farting, leaving odd jobs around the house for ever....nothing is too silly. Stop them. Don't tell her, just stop them.

Eat, excercise and dress well. Smile a lot.

Perform acts of kindness to your WW, even if she seems confided by them.

And most of all do it with a sense of detachment. It helped me to feel that I'd already LOST my Squiddy so I didn;t fear a mistake on my part would lose her.

Expose to OMs spouse if there is one.

Do those things now and your life will be so much better in ONE MONTH that you will not believe it I GUARANTEE IT.


{{{{{{{Mike}}}}}}}

GC is right,
I don't come by as much as I would like, but I'll get back around.

Let the notes alone - things will get better for you emotionally. Do see the Doc.

There is a lot you can do, but it's hard to think when you are in that deep, dark hole.

I'll be back as soon as I can.

SS

I'm just so tired.....I only wish I could close my eyes for a good eight hours without worry running through my head.

How did all of you get to the point where , you stopped the lbing and did not listen to the fog talk.

Every day the ww reminds me she is only here till June 1, 2005 and for me to stop trying.

How do you get through to them, How do you fill there En needs when they won't even let you.

She tells me part of her wants the marriage but that to much damage has been done and that I should go find someone else to be happy with.

She tells me she never loved me and can't fall in love with me.

She tells me that I can't force her to fall in love with me or want the marriage.

She told me she is sorry for ever marrying me.

She tells me she hate's me.

She tells me that shere is to much water under the bridge and that we can't fix the past 11 yrs.

She is truly going on day 16 of nc and the PI say's all she does is go to work and come home. So when she tells me she has had no contact I believe her.

When we have sf she tells me the next day she only did it because it's her wifely duty, boy does that one hurt.

How long does the fog last because this is one ship that is running out of daylight to see with.

I have listed the changes I need to make for me and for my marriage below.

1) Trust my wife

2) stop the LB's

3) fill her En's

4) Stop the R talks

5) Keep a job longer then six months ( hopefully AD's will help )

6) treat her with respect

7) start talking to her like an equal

8) start listening to her when she tries to talk to me. ( Hard to know whats true and whats the fog)

9) Start showing her I love her instead of just saying it.

10) Learn to love myself

11) help her around the house more

12) tell her I appreciate her and what she does more often

13) stop letting her fog talk get to me

14) go for cool walks when she starts the attacks on me and the marriage

15) Maybe move to plan B sooner then June 1, 2005

I'm just so tired.....I only wish I could close my eyes for a good eight hours without worry running through my head.

How did all of you get to the point where , you stopped the lbing and did not listen to the fog talk.

Don't know. Just did. The closest thing to a moment of clarity was, for me, when I spoke with a MC over the phone, and she helped me see that I was too attached to being in control, and was putting all my attention into trying to manipulate the situation, and I realized that the sparrow was going to do what she was going to do, and the only thing I could change was myself.

Every day the ww reminds me she is only here till June 1, 2005 and for me to stop trying.

If she thinks you're trying so hard, mellow out a little bit. You should not be wearing your emotions on your sleeve. You must learn to nod and smile and in your mind dismiss these statements as the nonsense they are.

How do you get through to them, How do you fill there En needs when they won't even let you.

You had sex with your wife last night! She's letting you, she's just being very cautious. So let her be. Do things for her anyway, and do not care about her reaction.

She tells me part of her wants the marriage but that to much damage has been done and that I should go find someone else to be happy with.

Ignore. Fog talk from a guilty WS.

She tells me she never loved me and can't fall in love with me.

PPPPPPPPFog. She doesn't think so, because like all WS in romantic affairs she thinks love is a mysterious phantom that creeps up on you. She doesn't realize that a person's actions toward you are what make you love them, once there's an attraction.

She tells me that I can't force her to fall in love with me or want the marriage.

You must be telling her too much about your efforts. You need them to be a mystery to her. They won't be if you explain them!

She told me she is sorry for ever marrying me.

Ignore.

She tells me she hate's me.

Ignore.

She tells me that shere is to much water under the bridge and that we can't fix the past 11 yrs.

How bad was it?

She is truly going on day 16 of nc and the PI say's all she does is go to work and come home. So when she tells me she has had no contact I believe her.

She's miserable. She's in withdrawal. She's probably thinking about OM 24/7.

When we have sf she tells me the next day she only did it because it's her wifely duty, boy does that one hurt.

Wifely duty? Nonsense.

How long does the fog last because this is one ship that is running out of daylight to see with.

A while still, apparently.

I have listed the changes I need to make for me and for my marriage below.

1) Trust my wife

You are not obligated to trust her. You'd be crazy to trust her.

9) Start showing her I love her instead of just saying it.

In fact, don't say it at all. She knows you love her. We've talked about that.

15) Maybe move to plan B sooner then June 1, 2005

Maybe. Set a goal, but don't feel obligated to stick to it. If you reach the point where you are beginning to really dislike her, you need to go to plan B. The important thing is a good plan A until then. You have everything in your favor. She's there!

GC

I think I need help forming a good Plan A...

One that will keep her guessing...

Can anyone on here help me..


GC...

The past 11 yrs were yrs of No trust, always talking down to her, Never listening to her and my in-abilty to hold a job for more then six months at a time. We lost two cars and our first home because of my lack of providing her with stability.

When we first got married my wife had an affair while pregnant with our second child. it was with the same Om as now. When I confronted her about the first Affair I was so upset and it scared her into breaking off the A..

Now ten yrs later she ran into OM at the local store and they exchanged numbers and well, we all know where that lead too.

Her Affair started in May 04 as an EA and because of his nees it moved to an AP on two occassions not counting three oral events.

I never got over the first A and we never discussed it after she ended it, but it has always bothered me. I have always had a hard time trusting her since then because back then she never said sorry.

It was hard for me to go to work everyday not knowing what she was up to.

This time around I jumped right into gathering as much info as I could. A good military buddy of mine is a PI and has been getting everything for me, Including the tapes of her conversations with the Om.

Most of her conversations were of her telling him she wanted to be with him and did not love me anymore and that I never spend time with her or treat her like an equal, gee I wonder why he was able to fill her en's, she was spelling them out to him. and now she is fighting me tooth and nail on filling them.

Even tonight she is dropping hints of wanting sf, and I told her NO....

I could use your help forming a plan A with a goal or date of going to Plan B

And I also want to thank you for offering to send me that other book you have, the Books help and so does your advice, I need to really stop letting her attacks get to me.


so desperate for EN's that I find eternal sleep almost welcome on my door step..

I need to eat but don't even have the energy to do it or even chew my food without getting sick.

Tonight feels like the hardest night of my life


" Let God guide me on my next Journey with open arms and forgiveness in his heart" For his greatest gift was the feel of my heartbeat.

I hope one day my children will understand what I went through and how much they meant to me.

Hello --

I haven't responded to you before -- you've gotten excellent advice, but your comment here has me baffled:

"Even tonight she is dropping hints of wanting sf, and I told her NO...."

You are in Plan A. She is in NC. Why in the world would you think/say this????? The key to ending her withdrawal from you is to meet the needs she will allow you to meet!!! Why are you telling her no to this one? Each time you meet a need, you make progress. So next time, she may let down her defenses so that you can meet another, then another... Finally, she will trust that you are meaning what you say. But you must be consistent. And every time you love-bust, realize there is a price. So try very hard to ignore her babbling about June 1, etc. These words mean nothing. The truth is, she doesn't KNOW what she wants. She only knows she's hurting. This is an opportunity for you, if you watch and are perceptive enough to take it.

First things first. Take care of yourself and stablize. Try not to LB -- this will be easier once you're on meds. Ask your DR. for Ambien or something to help you sleep. That's probably a huge issue in your ability to control your emotions.

Stay here. Take care,
Shellybird
Me --45
FWH -- 53
Married 10 years
2 sons -- 10 and 15 (my stepson)

Mschulter

OK... off with the gloves <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> No more gentle advice.

Here's the deal. You are SO caught up in the drama, you are paralyzed and sinking in your emotions. You are hanging on every word your WW says, and allowing her words to impact you like a nail gun against a blimp. You are ALLOWING her to bring you down, and keep you off balance, forcing you to act irratically, which makes you look weak and confused. She's looking for a TOWER of STRENGTH, a lighthouse, a safe harbor in which to return.

As I stated in earlier posts, a fogbound WS does not operate in the real world. Her words are simple, blatant attempts to "justify" her A. She utters them aloud, not only to hurt you and "force" you to react unfavorably, but also to "convince" herself the OM is the "end of the earth, knight in shining...soulmate...love of her life.

And every Love Buster she forces from you by her Foggy behavior, makes the OM look BETTER than YOU. And every time you denegrate the OM in her presence, she'll step up and defend him. And every time you start a relationship conversation, she'll get defensive, then mad, then utter the words that pierce your heart.

So, stop the relationship talks. Just stop them. Go in the bathroom and look in the mirror. Take a hard, hard look at your exterior. Do you see a strong, vibrant man standing there, or a disheveled, confused, weakened man, unable to control his emotions?

Take a look at your soul. Do you see a man who can realistically say that he is the PERFECT husband? Or do you see a man with faults, that can, and WILL be permanently changed for the better as an integral part of Plan A? Do you help around the house? Do you do dishes or cook? Do you do your share of laundry, vaccuuming, paying bills, grocery shopping, or is that all "woman's work"? Would you like to be married to YOU?

Analyze these faults, and go to work on changing and improving anything you can identify. Think back to Pre-A days, and identify things your W asked you to do, that you typically let slide. If she EVER asked you to paint the bedroom or bathroom, and you just blew it off.... GO buy the paint and get busy. Honey do's that never got done are Love Buster's. Go get busy and do those things that never got done. You will fill her LoveBank by these ACTIONS, and the physical exercise will keep your mind off the DRAMA you are drowning in. She will notice these things.

Leave a note on the inside of the door to her vanity mirror in the bathroom. Tell her she's beautiful. Buy a cheap Grocery Store bouquet home and place it in a vase without saying a word about it. Wash her car and leave a rose in the seat. Go clean out the garage or shed. Use up the energy that you are WASTING on the drama to do USEFUL ACTIVITIES THAT SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR HER!!!!!

You cannot keep getting caught up in the drama. Emotionally detach and turn into an award winning actor. Show her you are strong enough to "move on without her" by outward appearances, but let her know you are there for her. Appear to be unaffected by her foggy words. "I was never in love with you" Response::::chuckling:::::well it seems that we were in love enough at one time to get married and have not one, but two babies::::chuckling:::: and walk AWAY! Let her think about that. Let her come home and see you looking at home movies of your kids, vacations, family gatherings, so she can "witness" how loving you were together, not all that long ago, but don't say a word about it.

Plan A = Doing everything and expecting nothing for it.

Plan A = Complete elimination of Love Busters

Plan A = Actions that show your love, and very few relationship talks.

Plan A = No denegration of OM

Plan A = Providing WS a safe place to land when the fantasy bubble bursts.

Plan A = Comforting the WS during withdrawal, even if it tears your heart out, you don't let her know it.

Plan A = Showing WS that you care enough about her that you are willing to APOLOGIZE for any and all that you did, or didn't, do to keep the marriage from being vulnerable to an A.

Plan A = Showing WS that you are willing to do 100% of the work, at least at first, to save the marriage.

Plan A = Showing the WS by your ACTIONS that you can and WILL make the necessary changes in YOU that will make you more attractive to HER, not just for now, but long term, for the duration of your lives together.

Plan A = Giving everything and expecting nothing.

Plan A = Steady loving, caring husband, with the strength and PATIENCE to endure the Withdrawal she must go through from the OM.

Plan A = 100% committment and COMPLIANCE with the Marriage Builder's philosophy, AND, a burning desire to continue with it until successful, despite the pain and setbacks.

I sense in your post that you have more inner strength than YOU believe you do. Are you a man of God? If so, get with your clergy, and lean on them to help you with your faith, which will give you strength to endure this.

I post this all to you as a man who has been where you are, in utter dispair. I could not change my WW. I could only change me, and I somehow found the inner strength to do it. And I am nobody special. If I could do it, then so can you.

Rise to the occasion. Shed the anchor of the drama, and look at your WW as a person in need of assistance. Provide the assistance by filling her EN's. Remove the obstacles in your path by ending all LB's, stop the pity party, and get busy being a Plan A "all star".

You can do this!

SD

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 10:08 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

Every day the ww reminds me she is only here till June 1, 2005 and for me to stop trying.

Why does she remind you? Does she bring it up or do you say something or ask a question & then she "reminds" you?

How do you get through to them

There's absolutely nothing you can say to her to get "through" to her. She won't hear you.

How do you fill there En needs when they won't even let you.

Be loving toward her w/o her even realizing it. One of my H's biggest needs is communication. He had told me that he & the OW got along wonderfully (blech) & that she listened to him to talk. So when he would come around, I would ask him how work was going or whatever, & I would LISTEN. Silence is golden. Eye contact w/him. Nodding my head (not necessarily agreeing w/what he was saying). All signs that I was paying attention to what he had to say. He felt listened to by ME. He didn't need this from the OW anymore.

Another time, we had to go Christmas shopping for the children. On his suggestion, he went w/me so I could get a few Christmas presents. As much as I wanted to hold his hand in the store like we used to, I realized that he didn't want that from me. So I walked beside him & we talked throughout the night. W/O him even realizing it, I was fulfilling the need of RC. We laughed, we talked & I didn't mention R. Never. He didn't feel pressure. He felt like he was w/a "friend". We became friends during this time & when I had gotten to the point where it was too painful for me to remain friends while I was in so much pain, I backed away from him & he missed the FRIENDSHIP. We eventually reconciled, but it had to go back to that FRIENDSHIP in order to grow from there.

She tells me part of her wants the marriage but that to much damage has been done and that I should go find someone else to be happy with.

She tells me she never loved me and can't fall in love with me.

She tells me that I can't force her to fall in love with me or want the marriage.

She told me she is sorry for ever marrying me.

She tells me she hate's me.

She tells me that shere is to much water under the bridge and that we can't fix the past 11 yrs.



Let's try to work on paraphrasing & validation techniques from this. We can go to that other thread & work on it there. Does she tell you these things out of the blue or does something prompt these responses? Let's discuss this more in this thread - Validation & Paraphrasing

She is truly going on day 16 of nc and the PI say's all she does is go to work and come home. So when she tells me she has had no contact I believe her.

A good way to fulfill a respect need that your W is telling you to have is by complimenting her on NC. Maybe something like this -- "I just wanted to tell you, W, that I'm proud of you for sticking w/the NC (don't even mention CPS). I can see you're committed to the kids' welfare & that means a lot." Golden nugget. Take the positive idea of her not having C & help her feel empowered. Give her encouragement. Even if she mentions that she's only doing it b/c of CPS, you can bring that negative comment to a positive by enforcing that no matter what the reason is, it shows her committment to doing right by her children.

8) start listening to her when she tries to talk to me. ( Hard to know whats true and whats the fog)

The reason I emphasized this is b/c it doesn't matter if what she says is true or not, she still needs to feel validated, that her opinions are heard (even if you don't agree w/them!).

Most of her conversations were of her telling him she wanted to be with him and did not love me anymore and that I never spend time with her or treat her like an equal,

How about taking the kids to the park, asking her if she would like to come w/you? How about doing anything w/the kids (that you know she enjoys doing) & asking her to come along? It leaves it as her choice. It shows you're committed to your family & will also fill the EN of RC if she chooses to come along.

Even tonight she is dropping hints of wanting sf, and I told her NO....

Let her fill this need for you. My H & I had SF 3 times while we were separated. At least you know one of your ENs is being filled.

Hang in there. Tonight, let me suggest you pick up your Bible, turn to Psalms & starting w/Chapter 2, read Ch 2 & then every 30th chapter after that to the end of the book of Psalms, i.e., 2, 32, 62, etc. Then read Proverbs Ch 2 for some wisdom. Reading Psalms each day in this way will help create a sense of peace during all this turmoil that you're facing. Let God comfort you.

{{{{{{MSCHLUTER}}}}}}}}}}

Love in Christ,
Y

Well Last night the WW admitted that we are not on day 16 but actually day 11, she called Om from her job 11 days ago, She only admitted this to me because a buddy told me that on her work tap he had a tape of her talking to OM and that it was not 16 day's ago...Well were not at zero day but to me it sure feels like it. And of course she does not want to discuss the issue.

It just seems like one lie after another, what really upsets me is that CPS warned her to have nc with Om or she would lose her parental right's, what mother in any state of mind would do this knowing she can lose her kids, It just pis*es me off to no extent.

How can I make it clear that there is to be Nc, if CPS can't keep her fog head inline what can I possibley do?


I feel like packing up tyhe car, quitting my job and just taking the kids as far from her as I can.

Michael...

It's just more drama. She's caught up in an addiction. She's very ill right now. After "selling her soul", forsaking her children is chump change.

Thank her for the days of NC she has accomplished, and offer her UNSELFISH help in any way to continue with the NC. And thank her for her "extraordinary efforts". Let her know YOU know this is painful for her, and let her lean towards you for strength.

SD

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 06:01 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

Michael,

Hugs to you {{{{{MS}}}}}. A response to her possibly -- I hear you saying this is really hard for you to have NC. I appreciate the fact that you did have NC for 11 days though. This shows how strong your willpower is.

Something along those lines maybe? I'm not sure if that's the best response, but it's all I could think of right now.

Love in Christ,
Y

Michael,
You have been getting really good advice.

Please realize. She needs to change. We know that, but you CAN'T change her.

So, spend your time on THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CONTROL. Spend your time working on you. It will make a huge difference, I promise.

Why would you get angry with someone you are trying to help?

Everyone has faults, you want her to forgive yours ? Then you forgive hers. And if they are larger than yours - you get the credit for being the bigger person.

What do you want to be - a mean, crabby, spiteful person, or a loving, kind, forgiving person? This doesn't mean you give her any thing she wants. It means you do all that you can to help her end the A, and (help her) become a better person. You can do that with kindness much better than you can with anger.

So, work on plan A, but also work on becoming the person you want, and need to become.

Be an example of what you want her to be, of what you want the kids to be. You do it first, then expect them to follow.

Are you smiling more yet?

SS

Still Seeking,

I wish I could say yes to the smiling Part but it would be a lie. ww has gone 11 day's with nc but still refuses to send nc letter? At what point do I consider us in recovery? is after six months of nc and she tells me she is commited to the M. I'm not sure where plan A ends and Plan B starts or if Plan B is not needed when do you know it is time to go into recovery? This is all so confusing to a BS still in so much pain.

And your right I do need to be the better person, I should have told her I was proud of her doing the 11 day's and told her that I thought that was great. I think i'm looking for her to admit she is done with the Om because she respects what it has done to me, and not because of cps being involved, And even that did not stop her for very long.

Well I just found out that the ww, On her last conversation with Om 11 days ago, she told him she would not be able to talk to him again until the cpls investigation was over..

I mean come on, what is she thinking.......

We don't know what she was thinking, but it doesn't matter right now - unless you want to leave. You can quit, you can D her if you want. We already know she had an A, or perhaps we should say she is having an A.

However, if you want to help her, you run your plan.

Lets go back to the basketball analogy.

You happen to be down 10 points. It's only the half though. A lot can happen. If you could listen to the other coach talk in the locker room (get into her head) it would be really nice, and it could help, but YOU CAN'T.

Since you can't, you run your game plan, which happens to be plan A right now.

Avoid LB's
Take care of the family.
Avoid LB's
Listen to her.
Make the home a safe place for all of you.
and did I say Avoid LB's ?

You do a good plan A for up to 6 months. We can talk more about that later.

Then, if plan A does not end the affair, and if you have not begun recovery, you do plan B.

First A, then B.

OK?

Again, we don't know what plays she is going to run, but you need to run your plays for up to 6 months in plan A no matter what she does. It usually takes a few months for plan A to have an effect.

If it helps, report what she said to the people that need to know it, however, it could close down your source, so you need to weight all the factors.

Remember, run your plan - no matter what she does, or says, run your plan.

If she says "I don't love you, never did, and I am leaving in June."

You say: "It tears me apart to hear that from you, but I can't control what you do. Thank you for sharing your feelings, I appriciate your honesty. "

And, run your plan.

If she calls OM again, run your plan.

Down the line, you may need to go to plan B, but for now, plan A. Read up on it, there are lots of links. Get to know it well, figure out what you can do each day to make your plan work. Don't discuss with with her, just do it.

Remeber, out OM the OM. Make yourself the guy no women can resist.

OK?

SS

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 07:31 PM: Message edited by: still seeking ]</small>

Michael, Michael, Michael.

So you feel she's conspiring to restart the A as soon as the investigation is done.

So that gives you some time.

You have to see the positive things, dismiss the negative things, and stop hanging on her every word.

You must stop letting her attitude affect you so much. I know that's tough, but how many times do we have to tell you - everything she says about the A and your M can be dismissed right now as fog. Everything. Stop analyzing her so much. View her the way you'd view a junkie trying to kick. A junkie you love and want to help. Stop making everything about you.

GC