The anti-D's will help you get through this, and also help you with your job. They take a couple of weeks to kick in though.

You can get through this. I do wish you would talk to your doctor, or go the the ER tonight.

When I first got here, I was so miserable that I didn't think I would make it another day. Everyone told me my life would be good again, and it is. So please take care of yourself. You deserve a good life too.

Believer:

I respect your thoughts and feeling's and I know I will make it through this. I have the support of friends on MB and I have my children who love me very much. As my 5 yr old say's he loves me ten hundred million six eighty three thousand twenty six now thats a lot of love for a boy only five.

Michael,

It's so good to see you check in w/us! We were all so worried about you! I'm glad to hear that you're going to back away from your W for a while. I think you're doing the right thing. It's great that you're going to concentrate on you & your kids right now.

You sound so much more confidant of pushing through. So much more determined that you're going to get through this.

We all care about you, Michael. We're all here to help you through this & you WILL come out stronger. Big hugs to you! {{{{MS}}}}

Love in Christ,
Y

How does giving your wife permission to see OM affect the CPS order?? The CPS situation seemed to be your ace in the hole.

Michael -

I know you will make it. I just hate to see you so down. I guess after going through this, I can't stand to see others hurt so bad, and feel so hopeless.
My WH is still "in love" with the OW, but things are not working out for him. The last time I talked to him I told him that no love that starts out causing so much pain to so many people will last.
Now he has turned into a drunken bum. He drinks constantly, and does nothing else. It was sad to see a good man turn into what he did, but their are always consequences for your actions.

Inlikeflyn,

The cps order did not bother her a couple weeks back when she contacted the Om on the phone, So the way I see it she could care less about losing her parental rights. And now being 12 day's of NC she is only going to get nastier so I'm better off letting her have her fix and make her own choices.

Maybe if I had been a better man my wife would have stayed faithful but I have learned from this. The ww had a conversation with the OM 12 day's ago telling him she would be back in touch with him once the cps investigation was done, HMMMM sounds to me like she is not really ready to give up the Om for me and the kids.

So it's time I back off and look after my kids until there mom gets back from planet crazy.

Tomorrow me and the kids will be putting up the x-mas tree and a few other decorations. The ww decided she was going to give the decorations we had to the Om so they could decorate his place, how sweet of her.

And I found out last night that she used the last of the credit we had on my visa to pay for the OM's new wood floors, life just gets better.

But thats ok, I'll smile and let her talk her babble and me and my kids will not have a great x-mas but we will have a x-mas together.

Thank you all for your wisdom, and I will continue to check in on the forums. I wish all of you the best of luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mschluter:
<strong> ..... The ww laughed at me tonight when I got home. Yold me she was hoping that the car in the driveway was an officer bringing her good news...

Boy do I have a struggle ahead of me.


Michael~~ </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">MS,
It is good to hear from you. You gave me an upset stomache but that's nothing compared to the concern this board went into late into the wee hours of the morning. Guess you see we do care. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

As for the stupid WS antics such as you described above and the other stuff. Keep a list with date and time. No emotions, just the facts. You need to get this kind of info to your lawyer and even CPS.

If she doesn't care about your safety, then you have to wonder how she w/b as a parent if your children get in the way of the her and the OM.

Seems like you have a back up plan with your friend and GC, right? Build up your immediate support group, ok? Assume nothing right now expect the worst from a WS in rage.

Becareful and be safe.

take care,
L.

There is much I still need to learn while working Plan A. I need to be a more loving husband and friend while the ww is going through her withdrawals.

I need to start seeing her a different person until she gets better.

Last night after she let some steam out, we sat down and talked. I told her that we needed to be more civil with each other if not for us then at least for the children. I asked her why she did not go and see Om when I gave her my blessing, Her response was: It would not have been helpful for me and us. I must say that her answer surprised me. She also said sorry for all of the hurtful things she has been saying to me. I also told her I was sorry for things I have said in the heat of the moment.

She briefly went into fog land and told me that she wished she still loved me and that she hopes we can build a friendship out of the ashes of what she has done. She told me that she has no intentions of contacting OM anymore, She told me that while I was gone she was tempted to call him but she did not, she told me she could have called him from work the other day but she chose not to.

She asked me if I would ever forgive her and I told her only with honesty will trust arise between us again.

We sat on the couch and talked until about 2:30 am and then she took me upstairs to have SF, afterwards we talked more about her being honest with me. WW told me that she is afraid to be honest because of the hurt it will cause me and she feels it will only deepen the wound that is already there, she told me " how are the details of her A going to help heal me" I told her it's about uncovering the lies that led to the secrecy of her A. She then told me everything, I will try to remember every detail of what she said and put it below for you to help me understand her words.


Michael, we were not in the best of situations and I had already been thinking about leaving you because of your inability to hold a job, I was tired of never seeing you even when you were home, it seemed like the only time you ever talked to me was when you wanted SF. You never had anything good to say to me, and I felt like when you did talk to me, that I was being talked to like one of the children. Then the day came in May when I ran into Om at the store and he gave me his phone number, I did not call him right away but when I did it was only talking on the phone for the first six weeks, it was later that I started telling you I was at the tanning salon but was really meeting him at his home for coffee, even if it was only for a half hour, There was one time I met him at his home and we sat in his car because his dad was there, while in the car we started talking about old times together and before I realized what I was doing, I was performing oral on him, I’m sorry for hurting you with this but if you want the details then I will be honest. During the next few months I met him at his home on my lunch while you thought I was with our son at work ( this was during the Summer ) I performed oral on him twice more during this time because he had not been with anyone in a few yrs and I felt it would make him like me more. Then the first time we had intercourse was the time I walked out on you with the kids and went to my dads, I drove back to Rochester and spent five hours with Om where we had intercourse for the first time. Most of our relationship was just talking on the phone. It was then six weeks ago that I walked out on you and the kids and spent the night at OM’s we tried having intercourse but I could not enjoy it or put my mind into for fear of you showing up. Since that day I only have talked with Om on the phone except for the day after when he brought me my clothes from the night I went there. I swear, I have only performed oral on him three times and had intercourse twice. I t has been at least 6 weeks since I saw Om, We have been talking on the phone but the last time was 12 day’s ago and that’s the truth. And if it’s ok with you I would like to stop talking about this now.


Well as you can see, She had a few moments in there when she was very honest, The funny thing is everything she told me I already new from my buddy the PI. It just felt good to hear her tell me on her own terms. I know she is still in the fog. She also told me that OM is not better then me sexually it’s just that she enjoys filling his needs because of how she feels about him, She tells me she is not in Love with him but that she has strong feelings for him, she then told me how she has always had these feelings for Om even before we met and got married. I can’t say I’m 100% sold on saving my M to the ww , I just want her to end the A and then through the next six months of building a new friendship through EN’s then maybe she will want to really work on the M and will end up staying…

I would love to hear what some of you have to say about all of this.

Michael,
I think it was a big step for her to tell you these details. What she is doing is trusting you. It may be difficult to hear, but it is a necessary step.

TMCM said something just a few days ago to me -- that "love" from affairs is not the same as "love" in marriage. The feelings may seem similar but the big difference is that there is a commitment in marriage and no commitment in an affair. It is secretive, deceptive, and done knowing that other people are being terribly hurt. It may be she has started to recognize this.

Cherished

Michael -

Sounds very promising. I would like to hear more about your job problems. That seems to be a thing that your wife wants changed.

Could you post some information on this?

Believer,

In the ten plus yrs I have been married, I have gone through roughly 12 jobs, These all have been high paying Management jobs in the retail industry. Currently I'm employed as an M.I.T for a local retail big box company. My average salary has been as low as 45k to 80K a yr. And that job was with Best Buy as a store manager in Pa. It seems I let things at home bother me at work and I have trouble focusing on my job.

At first I thought it was because of my ww first A with the same Om ten yrs ago when we first got married, She ended the A after about a month and she never knew that I knew about it because I kept it inside for three yrs before I told her I knew everything.

The last few jobs I have lost has been due to my just being a jerk or not following the procedures I know inside and out.

Basically I get bored if there is no challenge and I screw up or I leave work early to check on my wife.

I'm not really sure what your looking for, maybe if you ask me some specifics, I will be better able to put in writing what you are looking for.

schluter@rochester.rr.com

Michael -

I am just looking for the problem. According to your wife the job thing is very important. So that is what you need to concentrate on.

I'm MUCH older than you and have hundreds of jobs. But I finally found one that I love and have been working here for 27 years.

I hope that you can find a job that is truly challenging and that you love. That is the key.

Glad you are doing okay. Please stick with us, and we will figure this out.

I think if I can just find that focus and prove to her I can provide well for the family and her yr round will make a big diffrence, But it's almost like she has me so convinced i'm going to screw up, that I screw up...

On average I stay at the same job maybe six months, My goal with this company is to show her I can make it past eight months and then take small steps to make it longer.

I'm hoping she wakes up one day and says she is going to work on the M..Right now I feel like the only one putting an effort into the M is me...It's a hard thing to do on your own

Micheal - It is normal for the WS not to try very hard. In fact, usually they don't try at all. Are you still taking the anti-D's? That may help with your work.

Hugs to you from California.

Right now I have not been taking the meds because I just can't afford to get the script filled, I know it's only like Thirty Five Dollars but right now that is a lot for us. I just started back to work four weeks ago. I prolly won't be able to start taking the meds until after January when I can afford it.

Michael,

I was wondering, I can't remember if you've answered this question already. But since you WW is reading SAA, I was wondering if you or her have filled out the EN sheet? Was financial support at the top of her list? What were her top two. Remember it says that you should focus on the top two or three EN's because that's where you get the most bang for your buck... as Dr. H says.

She never really finished taking the En thing but from what I remember it was

1) Finacial Support

2) Conversation

3) Affection

4) Domestic Support

5) Admiration

I may have number 5 and 2 mixed up. I will see if she will take the quiz again for me..

Okay sounds like you've got your plan then, stick with your job then. That is the easy part since it's all about you, just stay focused. The second EN obviously involves her so do all you can in that department. Michael, just think where you were at a few months ago when you start to get down. At least she is in NC, she may be mean and hurtful, but it's just withdrawls. I'm a glass half full kind of guy, and with my timeline of Plan B at the end of the month I'm starting to feel better about myself.

I'm glad that your W is still around. Remember our chant, "You can't control you W, only yourself". <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My goal is to make myself the best thing since sliced bread, And hopefully she won't be able to resist that charm that first won her hand in Marriage.

I am working on seeing an IC to help me through this. The MC we were seeing is willing to continue seeing us and for payment he is willing to let me work five hours a week proof reading his news letter and running some errands for him..

Right now the ww is downstairs watching tv and she asked me if I was in the mood for SF, This is not like her.

She told me that sexually I'm better then OM but because of how she feels about him she enjoys filling his SF need, Grrrrr

I take care of her SF needs making sure she climaxes <--- sorry for being so blunt

I make sure she has been 100% satisifed, She tells me she loves that I last so long, there has been times I have taken care of her orally and then gone to bed. She say's OM won't even do that for her, she say's he can't get her to have a Big O, that it's all about him...I don't get it, she see's it but does not realize he is just using her,,GRRRR

Sounds like your in an alright place my friend. I think it's been like 3 months since SF for me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />