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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 574
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 574 |
I probably have a few 2x4's coming my way. A grand total of 3 count 'em 3 days in plan B before cracking.Why is this so damn hard for me? i look at all the other people who have successfully implemented their plans and think two myself gee, why cant i be that strong? Im just like jello inside when it comes to my H. I love him but hate what he's doing to me.damn, damn , damn!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
Well... this may sound strange ... you can't control the urge to contact for more than 3 days .....
once you are and H are in recovery ....
...are you going to expect your H to control his urge to call OW for more than 3 days?
Everytime you say "Don't contact me until the affair is over"... and then you do not keep your word ... you lose your credibility.
Your credibility needs to become very important to you in order for this to work. And later... in recovery .... your H's credibility to keep his word about NC will become very important to you ...
What hurts you the most in the long run ... being alone or losing your credibility?
Keep your eye on the prize.
Pep
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 574
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 574 |
Didnt think of it that way, thanks. And yes i do expect WH to control his urge to call OW.(tongue in cheek) i know im losing credibility, but i dont know how to get out of this. i think im as addicted to my H as he is to OW.i guess what drove me to call him was that these 3 days he didnt try to9 contact me. I felt like maybe i gave him what he really wanted?
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093
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Joined: May 2004
Posts: 7,093 |
Shelly,
How about every time you want to call him, you come here FIRST. And let all the MB folk remind you why if you call him you are just prolomging his affair. He won't end the affair until he knows that he can't have you anymore until he does. Period! This is what it has come to. Every time you call him you tell him it is okay for him to be doing this, because you and your marriage are not worth anymore anyway.
Don't wait until you have gone through as much heartache as I have before learning this thing called "boundaries". We teach people how to treat us and by calling him after you implemented Plan B is just showing him (and yourself) not to take you seriously because you don't even take yourself seriously.
So next time you want to call him -
COME HERE AND POST FIRST!
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 574
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 574 |
Ouch! Point taken.Should have posted here instead of calling him, but my hands were shaking and i just HAD to talk to him. Time for me to regroup.
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