Well, due to recent events in my marriage I have decided to take the next step and file for divorce. I have decided that I reached the end of my rope and I cannot live like this any longer. My WW does not seem willing to give up the OM at this time and I just cannot live with him in our lives. Plan B is out of the question as we don't have the finances for one of us to get our own place, so it's plan C instead.

After I submit this topic I go to sign my divorce papers to get the whole process started. I still cling to a hope that we can work this out, but one of her issues is that I post here on this board. So with that in mind, I wanted to say thanks to all who have provided me support and advice over the past few months through this difficult time. Out of respect for my WW, I have decided to stay away from the boards.

Thanks again,

MIsn'tF
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Plan B is out of the question as we don't have the finances for one of us to get our own place

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> So you're gonna divorce and live in one place? You can't afford plan B but you can afford divorce? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I still cling to a hope that we can work this out,

It's totally your call. If you want to D you have every right to do so. If you cling to hope that things can be worked out, then you should go to plan B.

one of her issues is that I post here on this board. ...Out of respect for my WW, I have decided to stay away from the boards.

I understand where you're coming from; you want to treat her with the same respect and consideration that you wish she would afford you. You don't want to do the "Independent Behavior" LB. Please take a step back, and consider that your WW is in a fog and the reason she doesn't like the boards is that it makes her feel guilty and it probably is a source of strength and solace for you right now. Again, totally your call but I personally think you're enabling the affair by agreeing to leave the boards. Kind of like saying "Well financial support is one of her top ENs so I'll pay the credit card bills that include motel and lunch and concert charges for the two of them."

I also think you have a lot to contribute to the boards, if you can stand the pain of hanging around. I usually can't.

MIF, I agree with Turtlehead… Please reconsider and move to plan B instead. Don’t leave these boards.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan B is out of the question as we don't have the finances for one of us to get our own place

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> So you're gonna divorce and live in one place? You can't afford plan B but you can afford divorce? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was wondering the same thing...??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ???

MIF -

There is a way to do Plan B without one of you moving out. Steve Harley prescribed for me and WW this week an "in-house" Plan B. The reason is that my WW will not consider moving out of our house. If I move out, there's an excellent chance OM would move in, then I can financially support both of them !!

Anyway, if finances for Plan B are your issue, there is a way.

Reply and I'll give you more details that Steve gave me.

Georgia

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 07:35 AM: Message edited by: Georgia Guy ]</small>

Georgia, if it's not too much to post, would you please post it here? I'd find it interesting and educational.

Sure...but there's really not that much.

SH feels as though the time for Plan B for my situation is right now (within a week). My WW has expressed a desire to have OM living in our house with us (and sees nothing wrong with this). OM is unemployed. Doesn't take much of an imagination to see him moving in as soon as I move out and then me paying ALL the bills. Not good.

I know that WW absolutely will not leave our home, and she is as legally entitled to be there as I am.

So, SH advised the "in-house" plan B. There will still be the Plan B letter (coming soon to this board, I will be soliciting comments), and we will live as totally isolated within our house as possible. In our case, this should work well because I can live upstairs, WW downstairs. If she tries to communicate with me, I am to leave the house immediately. No talking, no doing anything together, nothing.

SH tells me this will be harder on me than traditional Plan B as I will want to talk to her, but I can't.

MIF - What about it? You can do this...there are still options.

Georgia

Same here...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mschluter:
<strong> Same here... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Michael, you don’t sound okay… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> What’s up? Whatever you do, don't give up yet (and you too MIF)...

Suzet

Hi MIF,

If I may say so,your DDay was only back in September.A general rule of thumb is to wait at least 6 months before making a decision to file.I know it's been hard for you.It has been for all of us and more than once I was determined to file only to stop myself and give it more time.I wanted to be sure I wasn't too hasty in making that decision.I didn't want it to be the legacy for my children nor myself having gone through it already as a child of D.

Plan B is still an option but that falls squarely on your WW.She is the one that is cheating and wants to be with this guy so let her have the whole enchilada.If it's so great then why doesn't she just go and move in with him? Does he have a family already? Oh well too bad.That's her problem.Maybe she needs to stay with a friend.Reality bites ya know?

I don't know if I agree with the at home Plan B.For a while many, many months ago,I did that and it was a wretched experience.At the time I didn't file a legal separation to get him(WH) out but he made my life he**.And he still does because he comes home here every other weekend but that isn't going to last much longer.Every time I tried to just live in my home and go about my business,my WH would find some way to anger me or talk to me or interact with me making going completely dark very unrealistic not to mention how humiliating it was knowing he was living here under the same roof,e-mailing and cell phoning the homewrecker. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .I just don't know that it can work efectively.IMO I don't think it really can.Not unless you have a huge mansion where you can each take a wing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Even though I tried to avoid my WH in the house,it was very difficult.You have one kitchen and you are constantly feeling like you may round the corner and have the WS there staring at you.I was so jumpy I just couldn't live that way! Finally though my WH got a job a good distance away and that solved my immediate problem.He moved out.

I also agree that if this place gives you some comfort and support and you want to be here,then don't let your WW force you into giving it up.Really,that to me is also selfish.You have every right to be here and it's no surprise your WW doesn't like MB.My WH,who actually introduced me to this site a long time ago,failed to utilize it at all,although he claims to be here reading and he told my mother that he didn't think it was helping me or us.On the contrary,he just doesn't like reading about all the pain and WS "bashing".But you know,this is what it is to be a BS/WS and that's just tough.It's painful,sordid and ugly all the way around.But there is nothing like the support of those who know just what you are going through on a very personal level.Your WW cannot understand that,not one bit.

O

The in-home Plan B definitely will have its own set of challenges. This was Dr. Harley's recommendation due to the face WW will not leave and can't be legally forced to do so. Note that the all night phone calls to OM are still on-going.

DISCLAIMER: All should remember that this suggestion from Steve was in response to my situation only. This, as well as any other advice, should not be seen as "one size fits all".

Georgia

The question below to GG may be equally applicable to mif, hence I ask it here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Georgia Guy:
<strong>WW will not leave and can't be legally forced to do so. Note that the all night phone calls to OM are still on-going.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where are you getting this legal advice? I'm not an attorney, but in the face of a blatant extramarital affair - with ample hard evidence such as would include phone records - you have a very good argument for a legal separation including a provision that your wife move out. You would be required to pick up all home expenses, but she'd be out and a REAL Plan B could take place.

I bet this is a legal option.

Okay, WAT, you've got me there....

Steve has directed me to seek legal advice regarding a legal separation in GA, which I will do within the next week.

Not to debate the point, but (as far as I know), there has been no PA, only EA. Do you really think a judge would remove a woman from her home for talking to another man all night?

Georgia

But....more importantly...

where is MIF??????

No matter the finer points of legal issues, MIF does still have some options.

Still there, MIF?

Georgia

OK, I agree. I was not fully aware of your specific sitch.

Stick with Steve.

WAT

i'm sorry you feel like you have to go MIF...it says a lot about you that you are respecting your wife's wishes by leaving even while she is disrespecting you in the worse way possible...says a lot about your love for her....

the only reason i can see for your ww to not want you posting here is perhaps she doesn't like that here her A with the OM isn't all that special or unique....it is what it is,,,a whole lot of lies and selfish behavior, lust and loss of a moral fiber...not to mention a mortal sin...it makes me so sad to see a WS give up on someone who loves them enough to come here to find help to save the marriage...just like her A is nothing special, her future has the same potential..i'm sorry your kids have to go through this...

<small>[ December 02, 2004, 10:41 AM: Message edited by: dreamcatcher ]</small>

MIF,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Out of respect for my WW, I have decided to stay away from the boards </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I guess the fog extends to the BS a lot also????


Come on MIF, you are much stronger than this post depicts you. I know this is tough but I have NEVER seen anything worth a plug nickel that came easy. So you have had your vent, as irrational as it is. Now get back to work.

I promise that I won't quote your post in 2 weeks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

MIF?,

I echo the other posters comments and I hope that you reconsider your decision not to implement Plan B and leaving the boards.

GG,

Since you said that as far as you know she is only having an EA, I'd like for you to consider hiring a PI to learn if your WW is having a full blown affair or not. If she is and he gives you documentation proving it, then you can then take it to your attorney and possibly build a case against her that just MAY help you in evicting her and implementing a true Plan B.

TMCM

TMCM-

Unless he has traveled here without my knowledge, there has been on PA.

We live 3,000 miles apart.

Georgia

FOLKS -

HERE IS MY REAL CONCERN - OUR FRIEND MIF.

It is not logical that he is filing for divorce AND agreeing to his W's demand to give up one of his areas of emotional support.

I THINK HE NEEDS TO BE HERE, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN A PLACE TO VENT.

Perhaps this would make sense if they were in recovery phase, but he's spiraling down and giving up some of his emotional support. NOT GOOD.

If any of you have been conversing with him more than I, please try to get him back here.

Georgia

GG,

Whe can't force MIF? to come back to the boards but speaking from personal experience, these boards are very addicting whether or not your marriage is going through a crisis, so I wouldn't be surprised if MIF? finds it hard to stay away for long.

TMCM