</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by rae03:
<strong> Even though he wrote posts that read, "Am I wrong for not taking her back?", my BH (BH76) says that he has had no doubts about filing. To me that doesn't make sense at all, considering his posts.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It makes perfect sense. He doesn't want to hurt anymore or take the chance you could hurt him again. Do I think filing is the answer? NOPE. Filing right now is like running away. It's important to solve the problem and if the M still can't be recovered after BOTH of you have done everything you can to make it work then D may be the answer.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
He says that he just wanted to tell his side of the story here on MB. And despite all the encouragement to wait and perhaps take the opportunity to try to work things out, he's still firm on his decision.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's unfortunate that he was only using this forum as a place to "air his dirty laundry" and didn't "listen" to the advice he got from people who have been EXACTLY where he is now. These same people took the time to help because he asked. Sadly, he is probably ignoring some of the best advice he'll ever get, but that's his choice. As well, right now the choice to file is something he feels he can control. Everything else is out of control; choices were made that weren't in his best interest...this he can chose or not, he can control this aspect.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
It's a hasty one, I know for a fact. He's making this decision out of anger. While I saw a glimmer of hope, he's snuffed it out.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes he is angry...and decisions made in anger are rarely good ones. My guess is he wants you to feel the pain he's feeling....
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>
He told me that I had no idea what his has done to him. And I can't imagine it...but all the more reason to wait...allow time to heal...allow the anger to subside. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Perhaps, he is right. What you will feel is guilt and pain, for a very long time, over what has happened to you, your H and your M because of your poor choices. I, on the other hand, do know how he feels. Been there, in the worst way. I know how much pain he is in, I know how hard it is to trust, get over the anger, to re-build. It is hard work and it is scary.
My final thought is this: until you solve the problems in this relationship BOTH of you will carry forward into any new relationships all your "baggage". Is that fair to anyone? Nope. Work on this relationship first, give it everything. Best case scenario, you save a relationship worth saving. Worst case, you can look at yourself in the mirror and say,"I did everything I could do to save this M..." and then walk away with your head held high.
