Is it possible to doing either Plan A or Plan B while WH is incarcerated for next 9 months?

Although I Plan A'ed my little fanny off last year, which was greatly appreciated, and I thought we were in a great recovery, it turns out that recovery was false. WH started serving 9-month sentence Monday and I found out that EA and possibly PA continued through over 1 year of recovery. In addition, found out that one of WH's PA's resulted in an OC, which he has not openly acknowledged, but financially supports.

Angry and heartbroken OW has been calling me incessantly, as she found out he had deceived her about his marital status, and that his brother deceived her, too. I'm not taking any of her calls but get reports through a third party.

I am seriously considering ending things, but I never got around to doing a Plan B. I'm not sure if this is possible right now and as angry as I am with him, I can't find it in my heart to hate him or bring myself not to offer support to him.

What should I do at this point?

Just out of curosity... Why do you want to remain married to a man that is in jail? What did he do?

You have no kids... I'd say run like the wind but I don't really know your situation...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Miker:
<strong> Just out of curosity... Why do you want to remain married to a man that is in jail? What did he do?

You have no kids... I'd say run like the wind but I don't really know your situation... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Miker, thanks for responding. Apparently, a year before we were married, he bounced a series of checks that he did not make good on. Yet, he was only arrested and charged with these offenses a few months ago.

Ok... well at least he didn't stab someone or something like that.

I would still question whether you really want to be married to a criminal though...

I'm not an expert on the plan A/B stuff, but I would assume plan B should be real easy with him in jail!

Miker

Apparently? Perhaps it is time to find out for sure?

This sounds VERY fishy...maybe talking with the OW will clear things up. Sounds like there is more going on here than meets the eye, and he has covered his tracks VERY well...

I am leaning towards Miker, it sounds like a serial cheater situation, and one where your M contract makes you vulnerable to financial obligations from his A's.

What about a Plan B with plans for separation and D?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Miker:
<strong> Ok... well at least he didn't stab someone or something like that.

I would still question whether you really want to be married to a criminal though...

I'm not an expert on the plan A/B stuff, but I would assume plan B should be real easy with him in jail!

Miker </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Harty-har-har! Thanks, Miker. I really needed a laugh right now and am glad to find something humorous about this situation. I've already conceptualized in my mind how I may want to Plan B, but it's hard to let go.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:
<strong> Apparently? Perhaps it is time to find out for sure?

This sounds VERY fishy...maybe talking with the OW will clear things up. Sounds like there is more going on here than meets the eye, and he has covered his tracks VERY well...

I am leaning towards Miker, it sounds like a serial cheater situation, and one where your M contract makes you vulnerable to financial obligations from his A's.

What about a Plan B with plans for separation and D? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm sorry, StillHere. "Apparently," was a very poor choice for a word to use here. WH's charges were related to business practices he engaged in at the time. I have had nothing to do with his business. However, the thought that my M contract makes me vulnerable to financial obligations from his A's has caused me great concern. I know for a fact that I have no financial or legal obligation to his OC.

I would not be adverse to doing a Plan B with plans for separation and D in place at this point. I work for a prestigious family law firm in my area. Would you believe that my foolish pride has prevented me from consulting with someone? I'm humiliated and embarassed (some of these people attended our wedding!), but want peace of mind. I am also resuming my IC.

Miss,

Glad you found my post humerous but I really wasn't trying to be funny.

What I was trying to do is to point out some fairly obvious things that as an outsider seem very unacceptable with your situation :

1. Your H is a criminal (or else he wouldn't be in jail)
2. He is a serial cheater and adulterer

You have no kids, thus I personally I think you should just cut your loses and move on with your life. I'm sure its more complicated than that, but I tend to really simplify things :-)

You must have some reasons, however, for wanting to save this marriage? What are they?

If you do plan on trying to save this marriage you definitely need to put in place some boundaries to protect yourself. This guy seems dangerous. What are these going to be?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Miss Lady:
<strong> Is it possible to doing either Plan A or Plan B while WH is incarcerated for next 9 months?

Although I Plan A'ed my little fanny off last year, which was greatly appreciated, and I thought we were in a great recovery, it turns out that recovery was false. WH started serving 9-month sentence Monday and I found out that EA and possibly PA continued through over 1 year of recovery. In addition, found out that one of WH's PA's resulted in an OC, which he has not openly acknowledged, but financially supports.

Angry and heartbroken OW has been calling me incessantly, as she found out he had deceived her about his marital status, and that his brother deceived her, too. I'm not taking any of her calls but get reports through a third party.

I am seriously considering ending things, but I never got around to doing a Plan B. I'm not sure if this is possible right now and as angry as I am with him, I can't find it in my heart to hate him or bring myself not to offer support to him.

What should I do at this point? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well as many a wise MB "believer" here will tell you, you MUST do a effective PLAN A BEFORE you PLan B. You see, they go hand in hand. It seems (according to the theories of this sites creator) you would need to spend some time (minimum of at least 3 months) on showing your husband support now. Show him admiration and "be there" for him in this trying time for him. YOu need to really highlight all of the great qualities he has, and do not show anger or judgements for his behavior. After all this is all probably "fog" and "alien" behavior anyway. "It is not really him". Clearly he was not getting his emotional needs met because he resumed his affair. Did you truly do a good enough "PLan A" after the first affair ? He seems like although he did "appreciate it", he felt something missing, so he went back to the OW to complete his EN's. Perhaps one of the wise posters here can help you navigate what went wrong the first time so you will be more successful this time around. I unfortunately cannot give you great advice b/c I was not able to save my marriage and am divorcing. You have to show him the "best you", so that he realizes that when he gets out of jail he will return to you and your family, and not be with the OW & OC. If he does not "change" after you do PLan A, then you go to PLAN B, to end his affairs and betrayal. Please realize that this may mean Divorce. As Miker said, Plan B will be easier for you to do when he is in jail. MANY MANY posters here cannot do a very good PLan B, because the temptations to contact the WS are too great. That will not be a problem for you, and perhaps will aid in "recovering" your marriage. You are certainly on the right web site if you want to forgive your husband and win his love back.

Good luck

LM <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />