Dreamt that I was all for F(?)WH Marrying ow, in MY HOME while I helped him prepare the wedding, while we were still married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like, I was "going along with it" hoping for him to "snap" out of it....and he never did. It was the wedding day and I was shocked that he was actually going to go through with it....like he didn't realize he was STILL Married to ME!!!! And I felt like UGH isn't this bit** ever going to be out of MY LIFE????????

ow sent a cake over for the "wedding" guests, and I smashed it with my hands and threw it in the garbage.

OY. My h is very emotionally distant and I really wonder if he has gotten over her. He's thrown himself into work. Obviously, recovery isn't going anywhere. Dday #2 was a year ago. He claims NC. But, there isn't trust. During MC I said so many times that he should just go to her. I know, not a healthy thing to say, BUT, I honestly told him I didn't want a H who was "in Love" with someone else. Still don't.

Isn't this too long (a year of supposed NC) for him to still be emotionally withdrawn from me? It really makes me believe that he does believe that he's "in " love w/ow, and NOT me. Makes me think of D everyday. I KNOW that what ever they had was BULLSH**, and based on lies , but what if he is stuck thinking that it is real?? Time for D?

What a time of year to feel this way every day.

Any comments, shoot.

Thanks.