Can someone please tell me what kind of signs to look for in a cheating spouse? I'm really worried that my H may be and not sure how to tell. I am at my wits end I don't know what to look for so please, please help me.

Tell Tale Signs of A Cheating Spouse

The following is a guide to help you determine if your mate is cheating on you. After reading this list you may find there is some area of concern. Do not confront the cheater. This will only cause them to clean up their act and make it more difficult for you to catch them. You may not have enough proof to make your case. I would urge you to seek professional help.

* At the beginning of an affair the mate that is cheating is more attentive to his spouse. This is due to guilt that the cheater may be feeling at the time.
* After the affair has been going on for a while the person cheating seems to find fault with the person he/she may be living with to try to justify the affair in their mind.

* Cheating spouses may lose attention in the activities in the home. They don't show interest in the livelihood of you or the children that live in the home. Nor do they have any desires to do any fix-ups to the home (i.e. lawn care, house repairs, etc.....)

* Intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem "when in doubt check them out".

* Cheaters may have a change in sex life (i.e. more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.

* The cheater has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home, especially the mate (i.e. if he/she didn't act the way they do, well then maybe I wouldn't be doing the things I do).

* Another sign is "Finances". "If someone wants to play they have to pay" therefore keeping an eye on their monies (i.e. check stubs, bank account balances, credit card bills, etc...) would tell you whether their spending more money than usual.

* Grooming habits will change. Cheaters will be more attentive to their person (e.i. the way they dress, frequent bathing, physical fitness, grooming of their hair, switching of colognes, etc...).

* Physical signs to look for to determine whether or not someone is having an affair is lipstick on the collar, odors of cologne/perfume on a shirt/blouse, checking underwear for secretion stains. You can also check their wallets and/or the glove compartments of their car to see if they left receipts, pieces of paper with phone numbers, addresses, condoms, etc.

* You may want to monitor your spouse for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on their car. Monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home. Keep a calendar and note the times, this should help you establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime.

* Be tuned in to home telephone calls when your mate has a tendency to whisper or gives a quick answer and immediately hangs up or when you answer the telephone and get an abrupt hang up.

* Many cheaters use cellular telephones to communicate with their lovers. Should your mate have a cellular telephone you may want to get a detailed billing of the calls made from the cellular phone to determine whether a certain number has been frequently called. A good area to start looking is for the first number called when your mate first leaves for work and the same number called again right before they return home.

* Female cheaters are more discreet in the selection of a lover . This is most likely because of their concern of Sexually Transmitted Disease's (STD's). Most females are looking for a longer lasting relationship rather than a "one night stand". In past years men were the aggressors, in society today, with the increase of women in the work force, women have become equally aggressive.

* When a female is having an affair she tends to have more of a "glow" about her.


TMCM

Sorry, double post.

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Thanks for the info. I read it and none of it seems to apply to him other than my gut feeling something isn't right and the fact that all of a sudden he wants to go out with his friends. Is there anything else to look for? I know that he cheated on his ex wife and she did him, but how can I know if he will do it to me?

Just wanted to add that I also have access to his cell phone record online and he doesn't know it and the numbers I didn't recognize, I called and they all are work related. He works with all males and the calls are from his boss. Do you think I could possibly be worrying for no reason? I don't know why I feel this way. I'm sorry for being such a bother, just really concerned.

Find out who these friends are and what is fun about these outings. If it is like going to a bar to hang out and watch the game, join him. If it is to a friend's house, do one at your house so you can host it from afar. Ask to join his outings. Ask if other wives or GF w/b there. Make small talk with his friends.

If all else fails or even before, send some food with him (esp if it is to a friend's house). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Your attempts at befriending his friends may pay off. It will also let him know you are interested in him. Kinda like what a mom of a teenager does to help the parents keep the lines of communication open with their teens.

L.

He doesn't want me to go. I know what his friends are like. We have hung out with them alot. And all of his friends are married and cheat on their wives. I know becasue I have seen it. I asked him what would they be doing and he told me shooting pool or something of the sort. And then he goes on to say he, my husband, knows alot of women and if they come up and talk to them he will talk back, because he doesn't want to be rude. I can understand him not wanting to be rude, but why should he spend anytime talking to them when he won't hardly say anything to me unless he wants to do something. I also told him there is a difference in talking and flirting and he said he knows and I can trust him. I'm just not sure about that. He and I and some friends went to a bar and hung out one night and before we got there he wanted to know if I would see anything wrong with him dancing with other women and I said yes I most certainly would. Well he didn't, but I could tell he was upset and I tried to get him to dance with me and he said NO. I just really need some help. I can't describe how I feel inside. I just sit around and cry all the time and I don't want to do that anymore. And he definately won't talk to me about anything.

Have you gotten yourself to some counseling yet? Your H is being highly disrespectful. You should not have to take this type of conduct, attitude and lip from him.

Read his needs/her needs, get with a good MC or call Steve @ MB. Let them show you what you should accept vs fog babble. It seems he is trying to get you to get soo angry he can justify having an A if not doing so already. Sorry if this upsets you but his pattern is one we have seen way too often.

Make sure you secure your family's finances in case he goes A bizzerco on you. Just to be safe. Know your options. Be careful.

take care,
L.

Wether he is cheating or not, it sounds to me like the conditions are right for it.

You need to get a handle on yourself. I know this hurts, but wallowing in it will only drive him further away.

You want to do the opposite. Become cheerful, fun to be around, attractive. Read up here on the basic concepts and develop yourself a plan to restore love to your marriage.

You may have to take the first steps alone, but take heart. It is possible and the payoffs are enormous!

dewt