My wife seems reluctant to let me know what her EN's are.
She half heartedly filled out the EN Q. But, that was a day after D-Day. Then she threw it out.
I don't really know what she needs. She sort of shifts in that respect.
I want to be loving and affectionate. But, she always tells me it's too much. I'm suffocating her. Any less from me would be less that what she would even allow from me while she was in the middle of her affair.
I support her with my job.
I do most of the cooking and cleaning round the house.
I take care of so much with our children.
Our SF is okay. I think it's normal considering.

Physically I'm taking care of myself. Trying to make myself more attactive. I've lost weight. Shaving on weekends. Not running round in sweats.

I know what I think her EN's are. She just won't let me in. I do still try and get closer. Maybe to the point that it's a LB. I just don't know how to do this. I'm getting so upset. Not knowing how to proceed.

The other problem.
I'm running very low on steam. I can't tell how much longer I can keep this up.

i am VERY guilty of some LB's lately. I've really "freaked" out a few times this week. But, that is because of me running low on steam.

I love my wife more than my own life. I so scared that our marriage won't work out.
I am so empty inside. I need my EN's met so badly. I can't hardly stand it any more.
I feel in a way, I wish I could find a person to be with who would me my needs like I am for my wife. Who would let me meet her needs.

She won't let me and she won't meet mine.

This is so tough. I really feel like I'm at the end of my rope in that respect.

I know if I bring it up to my wife, I'll get the line, I don't feel that way. Or, I don't show my affection that way. Or, You don't see what I am doing.
As the MB terms go....My love bank is going way past empty. I'm running on fumes. I am going to run out soon.
My wife is so stubborn, she will see that I've given up. She will know she's "won". That she can say I gave up, not her.
I see it in her eyes. I hear it in her voice.

I don't dare go to MC, even if I could afford it, they wouldn't work on the marriage. They would say, "OH, so sorry, you all need to pack it in." Wife would love that.

Me:
I'm scared. I am scared to even talk to her.
She mocks me on the phone when I tell her I love her. She tells me all I ever say to her is that I want her to talk to me. Tell me what she needs.

I've dragged my family into this whole mess now. And I just don't know what to do.

Work is getting out of hand.

I feel like I'm in a death spiral in all respects.
I just waiting for the next blow, the one to put me over the edge.
I can feel it coming. Like a piano out a window.

NN,

We have all been there and most days I still am, but have faith, the fog will lift in time.

How long has it been since D-Day...is your wife still in contact with the other man?

Hang in there man, you are a better man for it and you will be able to hold your head high and say that you did all you could, no matter what the outcome..

It's been 3-ish months since d-day.

Wife has only just left job where she could have been in contact with OM at any time. She's had contact with OM via phone at odd times over the past 3 months. But PA I think has been over since d-day. I don't think she is lying about that.

But, it's so much.

She wants to put this in the past. But, I can't sometimes. I don't trust, I am scared. I don't know what to do.

I feel so beaten down right now. My wife just isn't a source of support for me. And honestly, I don't have anything left in me to keep on my stupid clown face. That face that makes it look like I'm okay, when inside I'm scared and shaking.
I've lost so much weight people I don't hardly know are commenting. Fifty pounds is too much in 3 months I guess.

I just want to get my wife to open up with me. To share things with me as she did with OM. I just want to have that loving relationship with her.

What does she have to say about your weight loss and tears of a clown face? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

L.

As for my "clown face" Which means that I have to paint on a happy face. In other words, just fake my way through the day.
She seems to like that better. No talking, No "drama" as she puts it, no confrontation, and not having to see my long face.

As for my weight loss. Well she comments from time to time that I should eat. But, mostly she doesn't say much.
I can't really eat much. It's not in me to eat. I still, even after several months get sick to my stomach when I pack the kids lunches, or smell food.

I don't know what do any longer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>newNaples: As for my "clown face" Which means that I have to paint on a happy face. In other words, just fake my way through the day.
She seems to like that better. No talking, No "drama" as she puts it, no confrontation, and not having to see my long face. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Hm..... likes painted faces as opposed to the real true feelings. Well painted faces convey feelings by sight but do little to reveal the truth. Can we say conflict avoider syndrome?

Doesn't want 'drama'.....no confrontation..... hm..... can we say conflict avoider again?

So my question to you is what kind of IC/MC are you doing or willing to do? Can you place a call to either Steve or Jennifer for you? Cuz, maybe you need to decide if you want to give her a mask to sleep with while you go and heal (plan B).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>newNaples: As for my weight loss. Well she comments from time to time that I should eat. But, mostly she doesn't say much.
I can't really eat much. It's not in me to eat. I still, even after several months get sick to my stomach when I pack the kids lunches, or smell food.

I don't know what do any longer. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Ok.....these comments are sporadic at best? Doesn't really show care for you and your needs? Hm...... You even pack the kids lunches? Is that meeting her need or just convenient?

Food smells bad 2 u? Well since you are the BSH, we know you aren't pregnant! LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ok, based on all the above, I'd say you'd better high tail it to a good IC/MC. Better yet, place a call to speak with either Jennifer or Steve @ MB. Phone counseling can be done from location and they are great. You have to invest your time and do stuff like the EN questionnaire but it is worth every penny. Oh yea, Penny (aka: Cerri) is another coach who is good also. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Keep posting. Don't neglect even the small incidents. Watch, watch and watch. Listen to her words and pay attention to her actions. Don't read too much into it but be aware. Patience is a requirement for any healing. Also pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

take care,
L.