Hey everyone,

My MC/IC gave me the idea of gathering everyone that has influence (the exposure people) over my WW and having a kind of AA meeting for her. As we all know the WS is "addicted" My IC told me that you have to be careful in how you do the meeting. You have to show you WW that she is safe, that everyone at the meeting loves her and wants her to come back. The intervention is to try and get the WS to see that her feelings that "I hate her or cannot forgiver her" or whatever her fogginess is telling her is not true, and that I am here for her.

Has anyone tried this before, I'm planning on doing this the last week of Dec. I have told my IC about Plan A/B. He said that I could use this meeting as a transition between Plan A and B. That this could be a last ditch effort before going to Plan B which will be in 27 days.

I think it is an ambitious venture.... I'd be interested in a play-by-play after the fact.

One common tactic is to create a crisis for the WS so continuing the A is UNcomfortable ... and this may be one way to do that.

Pep

<small>[ December 03, 2004, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Thanks Pep,

That is exactly what my IC said. He said that she won't face reality b/c she's too busy running and having fun without responsibilities. By forcing the confrontation with everyone there she will have to face the exposure, reality, the fact that she made a mistake and continues too but that we still love her and want her to come back. This way it makes her see that everyone knows and makes it hard for her to live the secret life.

I actually thought about this myself. Everyone close to use wanted it to end so I thought of getting everyone together to ask him if he had lost his mind. For some reason he thought his family was OK with the A and his reasoning behind it. Hmmm! Imagine that they really weren't....fogese?

HINY

In fact, I think my MIL did her own "intervention" with her son just after D-day (hee-hee) When your Mommie takes you to task ... you better pay attention <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...if you know what's good for you ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep

I dunno.

Have you already exposed the affair to the potential "meeting" people and does your WS know this?

Are they REALLY willing to meet in a group for such a reason? Would this be a "surprise party"? - or rather, say, an announced holiday gathering that turns into a "meeting"?

This sounds like reality TV, not reality. A LOT of drama.

BUT - I'd love to hear you pull it off. What's to prevent her from running like a scared pooch as soon as she knows whats up?

WAT

WAT ... this sort of intervention is common with drug addicts... loving confrontation and simultaneous offer of help quiting the addiction.

There are intervention specialists who do this for families just before the family is ready to boot the addict out of the loving home that the addiction is destroying.

Some similarities. it's really not as Jerry Springer as it sounds. It's pretty clinical actually.

Pep

OK! If it works for that, this is the same thing!

WAT

Pep: In fact, I think my MIL did her own "intervention" with her son just after D-day (hee-hee) When your Mommie takes you to task ... you better pay attention ...if you know what's good for you !

Yes I agree Pep, my MIL knows what my WW is doing is wrong and that I'm not the monster that my WW says I am. Problem is that my WW is now "recreating" her relationship with her mother ie. "she puts too much pressure on me, has too many expectations" just like she's doing with me.

Wat: Have you already exposed the affair to the potential "meeting" people and does your WS know this?

Yes WAT, everyone that I was going to bring already knows, with the exception of one of her GF's from work (I don't know if I'll be able to get her though). Problem is that I'm pretty sure that my WW knows that they know and it doesn't seem to bother her.

Are they REALLY willing to meet in a group for such a reason? Would this be a "surprise party"? - or rather, say, an announced holiday gathering that turns into a "meeting"?

The meeting would consist of: Our Pastor, his son and daughter (the daughter and WW were very close at one time). My MIL, my mother, and one or two of WW GF's. I'm pretty sure all involved would be willing to do an intervention.

BUT - I'd love to hear you pull it off. What's to prevent her from running like a scared pooch as soon as she knows whats up?

I'd love to pull it off. What will stop her, I don't know. Maybe the "ring of friends and family". Maybe I'd have to block the door. I know that would cause damage but I think it is worth the risk to have her hear/see the truth of the matter. It would be a surprise on one of the days that she's off, I'd have somebody watching the kids so this will take a lot of planning and timing but I think it could work.

The IC also said as far as the transistion goes that during the Intervention we must make her feel safe and loved but also to make known that we'll not lay down and take this destructive behavior. This goes along the Good Fences thread about having boundaries. I can longer except the acts that she doing and neither can the "group". In 27 days I will be making a stand, and possibly moving into Plan B.

<<bump>>

Hi native,

I am curious too to see if it would work.In my case,everyone in both families was trying to get through to my WH but to no avail.I kept telling my MIL,if she couldn't get through to him,nor his dad who physically wanted to kill him for a brief spell there many months ago,then I don't know who would ever get through.

If a person cannot trust their own family with the truth then how can a WS trust someone they just met or are involved with in an A? The answer: they are a mentally and emotionally unbalanced person.My WH actually believed that he was destined to be with this homewrecker because her crack pot family told him that their family friend who is a "psychic" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> told them to be expecting a man to come into their daughters life who is already married with two kids and that it was meant to be. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

It's this kind of mental brainwashing that makes it unlikely anyone of previous worth in the lives of a WS can get in.It's scary.It reminds me of those cults like the followers of David Koresh.

Anyway,do let us know how this goes.You are our case study! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

O

<small>[ December 05, 2004, 11:34 AM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

Thanks O,

I have mixed feelings on how this is going to play out. I really feel this is going to be a "make or break" sitch. So this will either be the start of R, or the start of Plan B, I'm praying for the former.

I only have about 5-6 people that are going to be there.

My mother -who I don't think has much influence over WW.

MIL- who currently doesn't have a very good R with WW because what she is doing. WW is recreating their relationship now ie. too much pressure, expectations.

My Pastor- who I believe that my WW respects because we have known for many many years, I'm hoping she fears him a little also.

Pastor's Daughter and Son- Both are our age and D and WW were close friends before.

Basically I'm in the planning phase, as per MC, on how to "counter" her reactions and her outs.

Still also trying to get everyone on board with me to try and break this addiction.