Okay, This is a RE-VISION of a BADDDD Plan B letter.
I think it is pretty good, but yet I have no idea, so any help will be appreciated. I would love to send it out soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks!
Danielle


Dear WH,

Things cannot continue like this. It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. It is truly sad to see what has happened to us and to our marriage.

I love you and when I married you, it was for life. Along the way, we lost our way and I understand that I played a part in that. I'm truly so very sorry for foolishly concentrating on my school and day to day life and ignoring your emotional needs. I also sorry for the decline in our sexual activity and the pattern that lead us to where we are now. I am willing to avoid the mistakes that I made in the past and build a new and better life for the family we have created. I want to get to the route of the problem, and rebuild the foundation.

I am sorry that it has taken an affair to make me realize these things...it shouldn't have. I blame myself for that and I am sorry that I can not change them or take them back. I also realize that there is no way for me to address these things while you are still involved in an affair. I am willing to be a wonderful wife to you, but this situation has become too painful and is destroying my love for you. When you are willing to end your affair with XXX, I would love to speak to you about our future and show my commitment to this marriage

Until that time I have to avoid involving myself with you and your current lifestyle. I will not be able to see or talk to you until then. We will have to use email and an intermediary to handle issues with the children and financial issues. Your children miss you terribly and if at some point you decide you would like to see them, please contact my Mother at any point to set up a visit. Financial issues can be dealt with through your command.

Please understand I am not doing this to hurt you or out of anger. It is just too hard and painful for me to be involved with you while you are acting this way. My heart hurts deeply when I see the path your headed down. I want to preserve my love for you so that if you want to come back I can still have open arms for you.

I fell in love with you when we lived in our little hometown in Maine (where we both belong) and over the years, my love has grown even stronger. I want to rebuild our marriage and family. I want us to be able to make each other happy in everything that we do. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me, and I want you to be the same to me. I want us to be the loving parents our children deserve to have.

I want to get to work on building the dreams we have always talked about, and I'm willing to do that as soon as you are. The man I fell in love with is inside you, and I know he can shine through again. I miss him.

Love always,
Your baby girl, Danielle

I'm just out the door, so I don't have much time, but the first thing I noticed is that the first two paragraphs,

"Things cannot continue like this. It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. It is truly sad to see what has happened to us and to our marriage.

I love you and when I married you, it was for life. Along the way, we lost our way and I understand that I played a part in that. I'm truly so very sorry for foolishly concentrating on my school and day to day life and ignoring your emotional needs. I also sorry for the decline in our sexual activity and the pattern that lead us to where we are now. I am willing to avoid the mistakes that I made in the past and build a new and better life for the family we have created. I want to get to the route of the problem, and rebuild the foundation."


I think should be flipped around.

Hi dani,

Here are my suggestions:

Dear WH,

Things cannot continue like this. This begins as a "problem" letter, not a loving one. Your first message should be about love...THEN you define your boundaries. Please remove this sentence. It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. It is truly sad to see what has happened to us and to our marriage.

I love you and when I married you, it was for life. Along the way, we lost our way and I understand that I played a part in that. I'm truly so very sorry for foolishly concentrating on my school and day to day life and ignoring your emotional needs. I am also sorry for the decline in our sexual activity and the pattern that lead us to where we are now. I am willing to (avoid) avoid is passive...replace it with "correct" which shows action the mistakes that I made in the past and build a new and better life for the family we have created. I want to get to the route of the problem, and rebuild the foundation.

I am sorry that it has taken an affair to make me realize these things...it shouldn't have. I blame myself for that, and I am sorry (that I can not change them or take them back.) and I wish I could go back and change them I also realize that there is no way for me to address these things while you are still involved in an affair. I am willing to be a wonderful wife to you, but this situation has become too painful and is destroying my love for you. When you are willing to end your affair with XXX, I would love to speak to you about our future and show my commitment to this marriage

Until that time (I have to avoid involving myself with you and your current lifestyle.) Please respect my request to separate myself from the chaos of your current lifestyle. (I will not be able to see or talk to you until then.) Until your affair is over, I need to end all contact with you, and I hope you will honor that. (We will have to use email and an intermediary to handle issues with the children and financial issues.)Replace with: We can use an email intermediary, my mother and your command to deal with any issues that arise. Your children miss you terribly and (if at some point you decide you would like to see them) disrespectful judgement....please replace this "when you wish to see them", please contact my Mother (at any point)delete and replace with..."and she will help you" to set up a visit. Financial issues can be dealt with through your command.

Please understand I am not doing this to hurt you or out of anger. It is just too hard and painful for me to be involved with you while you are acting this way. My heart hurts deeply when I see the path your headed down. I want to preserve my love for you so that if you want to come back I can still have open arms for you.

I fell in love with you when we lived in our little hometown in Maine (where we both belong) and over the years, my love has grown even stronger. I want to rebuild our marriage and family. I want us to be able to make each other happy in everything that we do. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me, and I want you to be the same to me. I want us to be the loving parents our children deserve to have.

I want to get to work on building the dreams we have always talked about, and I'm willing to do that as soon as you are. The man I fell in love with is inside you, and I know he can shine through again. I miss him.

Good Luck dani <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 04, 2004, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

With help from the two above members I have this revised Plan B letter.

Dear WH,

I love you and when I married you, it was for life. Along the way, we lost our way and I understand that I played a part in that. I'm truly so very sorry for foolishly concentrating on my school and day to day life and ignoring your emotional needs. I am also sorry for the decline in our sexual activity and the pattern that lead us to where we are now. I am willing to correct the mistakes that I made in the past and build a new and better life for the family we have created. I want to get to the route of the problem, and rebuild the foundation.

It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to you. It is truly sad to see what has happened to us and to our marriage.

I am sorry that it has taken an affair to make me realize these things...it shouldn't have. I blame myself for that and I am sorry and I wish I could go back and change them. I also realize that there is no way for me to address these things while you are still involved in an affair. I am willing to be a wonderful wife to you, but this situation has become too painful and is destroying my love for you. When you are willing to end your affair with XXX, I would love to speak to you about our future and show my commitment to this marriage

Until that time Please respect my request to separate myself from the chaos of your current lifestyle. Until your affair is over, I need to end all contact with you, and I hope you will honor that. We can use an email intermediary, my mother and your command to deal with any issues that arise. Your children miss you terribly and when you wish to see them please contact my Mother and she will help you to set up a visit. Financial issues can be dealt with through your command.

Please understand I am not doing this to hurt you or out of anger. It is just too hard and painful for me to be involved with you while you are acting this way. My heart hurts deeply when I see the path your headed down. I want to preserve my love for you so that if you want to come back I can still have open arms for you.

I fell in love with you when we lived in our little hometown in Maine (where we both belong) and over the years, my love has grown even stronger. I want to rebuild our marriage and family. I want us to be able to make each other happy in everything that we do. I want to be your best friend again, someone who is always there for you when you need me, and I want you to be the same to me. I want us to be the loving parents our children deserve to have.

I want to get to work on building the dreams we have always talked about, and I'm willing to do that as soon as you are. The man I fell in love with is inside you, and I know he can shine through again. I miss him.

Love always,
Your baby girl, Danielle

Okay...next question.

Letter delivery.

I can e-mail this to him or hand deliver it to him on his ship tomorrow. What do you all suggest?

Thanks!
Danielle

I like certified mail myself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Do NOT deliver this in person....defeats the whole dang purpose.

At the very least, it needs to be physically mailed to him. Certified is best, so you'll know there is no mistake he got it.

I could mail it to the OW house...but I really don't want to. I am honestly not sure why I just hate the fact that he even gets mail there.
He is stationed on a ship so I can mail it, although not certified.
The other thing I could do is bring it to the quarter deck of the ship and have the century watch deliver it to him after I leave.

Thanks so much everyone
Danielle

I could mail it to the OW house...but I really don't want to.

No, don't mail it there unless there is no other choice.

I am honestly not sure why I just hate the fact that he even gets mail there.

Because it represents tangible evidence of his adultery!

He is stationed on a ship so I can mail it, although not certified.

An option .... mail the letter in an envelope inside a larger envelope containing a copy of the letter ---> to his commanding officer .... expose and Plan B ... both at one time.

Pep

Pep,
I like that idea...I am getting it all together now. I really appreciate you all.

Next big problem.
Dec 13-16 from 7am-4pm he and I are scheduled to attend something called TAPS. Transition Assistance Program. He is getting out of the Navy in 5 months and they go over travel (moving the kids and I to Maine), health care after the services, benifits and that sort of thing. It is for active duty and their spouses. This would mean that I would be with him for those three days. I am not sure how to handle this...
Ideas?

Thanks!
Danielle

Put a note in the envelope to the commander that you will not be attending the TAPS. Ask him if he could send you any pertinent information, hand-outs, etc. so you can be in the know.

Your husband will attend alone. It will show him how serious you are and that he might really be exiting the services as a man who is losing his family.

I am sure the meeting would be helpful, but just like missing your kid's teacher conference, there are other ways to get the information.

~ Snow

<small>[ December 05, 2004, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>

Double.

<small>[ December 05, 2004, 09:53 AM: Message edited by: Snowbelle ]</small>