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My wife has an annoying habit. Criticism. Its almost as if she has to find a fault in everything. Case in point.
I wrote her a letter addressing what I have done, and am willing to do to save our marriage. I was totally wrong in what I did, but I left a spelling error knowing she wouldnt be able to let it slide. I wrote a letter spilling my heart out and she had to go and find the one spelling error.
With the fact this is how she was raised, and is all she has ever known, how can I go about bringing up the damage this can do?
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Do you beleive her critique of your spelling might be her way of avoiding the issue?
<small>[ December 04, 2004, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>
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John,
The spelling error sounds like a test. Did you inform her that she was taking a test? Did you tell her what she needed to do to pass the test? And did you tell he what was at stake if she didn't? How is devising a "secret" test similar to criticism?
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TMCM,
No it isnt a way for her to avoid the issue. That was just the most recent example of her behavior.
No Star I didnt tell her she was taking a test. I was hoping she would overlook the spelling error. I know I handled it wrong. Its an issue she has that we need to work on. I should have brought it up in a different manner.
<small>[ December 04, 2004, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: john3479 ]</small>
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I don't know but it sounds very much like your W has some of the traits of a person suffering from a compulsive disorder. What do you think?
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John,
How do you suppose someone dealing with past sexual abuse might view this kind of test. Please use this as a data point for what "not to do" in the future. Why set your wife up to "fail"....help her be successful instead....she needs that.
hugs
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Yes Star, that falls into the " DO NOT DO AGAIN " pile.
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I have a REAL big pile of those things around here....so don't feel like you're alone John! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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TMCM,
Im not so sure about that. She was raised in a home that was very emotionaly abuseive. Thats all she was ever exposed to. Nothing is good enough for her dad.
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I dont. We all are learning. Maybe at some point we can have a big bon fire and burn those piles.
The issue is still there though. Any ideas on how we can work on this?? I know this will be one of the harder things for her. Look at her childhood. I know alot of it I can blow off and not take personal, but some of it still hurts me.
<small>[ December 04, 2004, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: john3479 ]</small>
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This one is really getting to me. While its not the most bothersome thing she has done, it is what she does most often.
Guess it leads to the smaller problems causing bigger issues.
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