Gave my W the Plan B letter, I couldnt do it anymore.......kinda sad.

good for you, that takes a lot of courage to give, but even more to continue. Best of luck

Thanks - Im worried now that I gave it to her to soon, Im also really worried now more than ever that Ill never see or talk to her again, that point is one I havent really dealt with till now, almost feels worse than I did in the beginning of this, especially since she was being so nice and all when I gave it to her, of course I waited till she was on her way out the door so she didnt read it here.

This feeling sucks really bad, I dont want to never see her again, guess what happens happens. Its in Gods hands.

Steve

it was a very brave thing to do but if you were feeling your love for her slipping or felt you would only LB from here on in, then it is also the right thing for you to do.

Tough as it is now, you really need to look after yourself right now, make sure you go out with friends even if you only want to go hide away. Keeping social contacts is a very important thing to enable you to retain a healthy view on things and maintain as much emotional stability as you are able to right now.

Remember that you can come here & vent or chat whatever as well. Wishing you the best at this tough time.

Thanks AW - If it wasnt the right thing to do how can it be taken back? I dont see anyway. I think I may have given it to her on an emotional judgement, just so tired of seeing her walk out the door to go to him, plus, it was our anniversary yesterday. Everytime she left she took something away from me, but Im not sure I was or am at the point of giving up. Im confused about whether this was the right thing to do yet. I shouldnt have let my emotions get carried away, but I cant take it back now......

Hey Gadge,

Only you are the judge on whether it was the right time to give the Plan B letter or not. If you were on the edge of losing all love for her than it was the right time. I don't know if you can take it back or not. Plan B is for you though, to save yourself. If you want to stick to it, then start taking care of yourself. At least I think this is what most vets are going to say. I could be wrong as I'm still a newbie.

Steve
if your emotional feeling was that strong then I feel its right for you. If you take it back what are you doing but risk having it interpreted as you enabling the A & its OK???
Now there may be some sits where a professional may say STOP go back & do ABC...well ok they probably know what they are doing & could advise why & how.

But if you have REAL doubts on what you have done do you think you can contact one of the HARLEYS here via phone & get that sort of advice on your actions so far? If not the HARLEYS what about Cerri who drops in here now & then, she is a M advisor & has a lot of experience too.

As far as the Plan B letter now, Yes its a risk, but what have you got now but pain?
I assume you used a standard plan B letter from this site to give her??
well then, it really is the time to sit back and let what will be happen. If OM cannot provide EN's and she sees him warts & all with nothing from you keeping her afloat, then its a make or break I guess.
Nothing you can do will make her choose you, only she can decide that.
But remember Steve, she is in EXACTLY the same position, nothing she can do will make YOU choose her, take her back.
Usually Plan B does brings the realisation to the surface of this fact. She has to come off the fence eventually.
If she wants to discuss reconciliation & you have told her that she is welcome to do so ONCE OM is out of the picture then she will come to see you or ring you etc.
Then you will have the issues of NC & withdrawal etc etc, but worry about that later.
Now you need to get your 'sh*t' together as they say and be as strong & 'getting on' with your life as is possible.
NOTHING is more like a full bucket of cold water in the face for a WW then to no longer have your H as your 'back up' when or if A ends & especially to see your H strong, ok and having fun WITHOUT you.

Yes, I used a standard letter from here and tweaked it of course, Thanks for the support, its those words I need right now, I know what I need to do and I understand I cant make her choose me, doesnt help with me here going through all her stuff and packing everything, Im finding love letters, cards, pictures, our little love you notes etc everywhere, of course I have to torture myself and read all the "i love you so much" and "we will always make it" letters, *sigh*.

I was hoping to push her off the fence, just didnt want to push her off and have him catch her.

Hang in there. If you felt yourself losing your love for your wife, it was the right thing to do. We all were scared to go to Plan B, but you will find it very peaceful once you get used to it.

And strangely enough, it usually takes Plan B to let them see what they are losing.

Thanks B, I think my W has been waiting for me to go into a Plan B type situation, everyday her words were, "would it just be easier if I didnt stop or call and got all my stuff out?"

I think she is relieved finally, she can call me the bad guy now for this, but thanks for the kind words of knowledge.

To be honest, I dont think I did a very well Plan A, W will be here in the morning and I plan on actually doing a good plan a. Ive been trying to rush things, I think Ive seen once or twice around here "Its not a sprint" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Its only been a month since all this started, the weak plan a I did do had some pleasant results, and strong one will be better I hope, Ill draft another plan b letter for the future and just use this as alearning experience, I believe I have to much love left for a plan b just yet. Ill lose some credibility with the W, but this plan a should make up for it I hope.

If you feel you have done a lousy plan A then you should go back and do it again...this time make sure you do the damnest best plan A and dont fail doing it.

The right time to go into plan B is not when you are angry or hurt. You must be calm when you decide to do plan B. Think wisely. Only YOU can decide when is the right time to do plan B.

Plan B is for you. It does not usually work in getting back your WS. Sometimes it does and sometime it doesnt.

Steve,

You truely don't understand this do you? Perhaps I can help. You go to plan B to preserve what love you have left. According to Harley and certainly from what I have seen here most go to PLAN B too late. So if you were feeling this bad about things it was probably the right time.

Also read what the letter said. It said you loved her, you wanted her back, BUT the A had to end. Steve, whether you are in plan A or plan B the A must end before there is any hope and you don't have much control of that. The reality is that the A will end when those two decide to end it and not before it.

I presume you have exposed the A as plan A instructs you to do. If you haven't then now is a good time to do that and when you expose it ask for their help in you fight to save your marriage.

Now, you will feel bad for a few weeks is not longer. Why? IT is called withdrawal and yes the betrayed spouse goes though it as well. So don't weaken now and in a few weeks perhaps a month you will feel better. As for your W, she will be sooooo happy to have the guilt of seeing you not in her face. The A will really kick into gear and then... most often the thrill starts to fade. Recall most A's end, few go to marriage and even fewer marriages make it. So the odds are with the A ending. The only issue is will you love her enough to go through recovery which is not easy.

Plan B gives you the best chance and it also let's you go through withdrawal so that no matter what eventually happens you will be better able to handle it.

So now that you have started, stay in it, this is sort of like NC for the WS. Any contact starts the clock over and it does NOT help end the A. You have told her, you have done plan A, and you have told her in the letter that you love her. She will NOT hear any of this until the A is over. You have planted the seeds, let them grow.

Hang in there and God Bless,

JL

JL - Thank you for posting I really appreciate it, as far as exposing the A, noone cares, OM is separated and OMW knows, they work together and everyone there knows, her family knows, thier all on her side, there is noone to expose to.

I think I felt Plan B was my only option because she is already Plan B'ing me basicly, hardly ever see or talk to her, then when she is we get to talk for maybe 10-15 min before "she has to go". Hard to Plan A with that I think.