Originally posted in TTSi's thread:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> TTSi,

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. My H has been doing the same thing to me......after we haven't spoken for a while, he will e-mail me something "business related." At the end, he will say "I miss you." Or "hope you are well."

It's sad, but he knows what gets me. He knows how to hook me. I have really had to try hard in my Plan B to not respond to those comments. The hardest part about it, though, is that it revives that tiny little bit of hope I have....."Is he willing to work on the M?" "He does still care." "He misses me like I miss him.....maybe he wants to be back together."

No matter how much I refrain from personal response, his words get me every time. And it's so hard to get away from it. Each time is a struggle, trying to remind myself "If he wanted to get back together, he would work on this M and recovery." "If he really cared, he would respect my feelings as well." "If he really missed me and loved me, he would go to MC, and work on this M instead of running from it."

But it is a struggle. And I long for the day that it gets easier . But at least I can say that now I have enough respect to stand up for what I want in the M.....and that I can be strong in my needs and desires for a healthy M - not just a M for M's sake.

Didn't mean to threadjack.....and not entirely sure you feel the same way I do when you get those e-mails. But just wanted to you know that I understand all too well where you are coming from.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have been good about maintaining my plan B.....until tonight.

I heard my phone receive a text message signal. It had a different ring than anything else. I got a really sick to my stomach feeling when I heard it tonight.

It rang. I checked. It was my H telling me that he watched "The Princess Bride" tonight, and thought of me - He "hoped I was having a good weekend". I texted him back (I know I shouldn't have) that I had thought of him today, also, and that I hoped he had a good weekend.

God bless - why did I even text message him back? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I am so angry with myself now. I should not have contacted him AT ALL. Period. But I did.....now what? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm even posting this, except to vent.

Thanks for even reading if you get through all this!

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} for my little cyber sister.

Hang in there kiddo.

TMCM

P.S. If you want something to make you laugh, go check out my thread titled <a href="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=034652" target="_blank">
Racy Jokes</a>. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ December 05, 2004, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

And here I was grabbing my rod and reel and heading out the door. Thought there was a fishing trip.

L.I.T,

Read the plan B posts. I think most people slip once or twice. Your was truly a mild slip. I wouldnt worry about it to much. You are doing a good job.

Hey, it's alright. Minor slip ups are not the end of the world. There is no such thing as a 'perfect' plan A or B.
Where you can screw up a good plan B, is by letting WH back without agreeing to your requirements.

Don't beat yourself up too bad ok?

Hey LIT,

Been wondering how your were doing, as I haven't been in Idiotville lately.

As the others say, I think that was very minor.

When I was in my Plan B, I turned everything off when I got home at night. And most all my friends and family knew I did this, and they understood to get ahold of me at night was almost impossible. I know all too well what you mean about how you feel when you hear the phone signals.

Remember how we were talking about getting off of Lexapro? Well, I finally weaned all the way off (been reading bad stuff about it lately, and withdrawal from Lex is not good) and I quit smoking and wine. So I'm a little wacked out right now. I think I'm in sensory overload or something. But it feels good in a weird sort of way to be so totally clean. LOL

Hand in there LIT, the holidays won't last forever.

Thanks, everybody.....I am still angry with myself this morning....and that sick to my stomach feeling hasn't gone away.

I have realized that he will say little things in his e-mails, and I have prepared myself for those accordingly. In fact, now I just roll my eyes when it happens. But he hasn't text messaged since he's left the house and said he wanted a D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> That is, until last night. I was just unprepared.

Just a question also.....Is plan B appropriate as just a 'relationship' plan? H has said that he doesn't really talk to OW anymore. But I still don't want to continue a relationship until we can agree that the M needs to change, and until he can recognize and acknowledge that he has hurt me in the M also. Of course, it's a rather moot point simply because he is set on D anyway.

But just for my peace of mind, is plan B appropriate if he is no longer contacting OW? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

TMCM - Thank you for the jokes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> You know they make me so very haPPY! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

John - Sorry to disappoint about the 'fishing' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Grab your rod and reel, and we'll go.....it's been a long time since I have gone fishsing. I don't like to eat them, so there's really no point in my going unless I'm with someone who will eat them....I'd really like to go deep sea fishing one day!

TTSi - Thanks for the support.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> letting WH back without agreeing to your requirements </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I needed this reminder. This is one of the things that keeps me feeling positive about my Plan B - knowing that I am doing the right thing, and that for once in my life, I am standing up for myself.

Weaver - Hey you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It's good to hear from you. Oddly enough, I haven't been to I-ville lately either. I can't really say why, except that before H's little message, I had been trying to focus on living life and not really spending so much time on MB....

Before his message, I was actually doing pretty well. I had a good week (busy at work - only one day where I made it home before 7pm - YIKES!), but emotionally fairly happy. I just kind of felt like I was taking control of my life again - going to buy a mini Christmas tree, and decorate the outside balcony. Tried a couple of new places to eat, yada yada yada.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Remember how we were talking about getting off of Lexapro? Well, I finally weaned all the way off (been reading bad stuff about it lately, and withdrawal from Lex is not good) and I quit smoking and wine. So I'm a little wacked out right now. I think I'm in sensory overload or something. But it feels good in a weird sort of way to be so totally clean. LOL </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! ((((((((weaver))))))))

I know exactly how you feel! I weaned myself off Lexapro the past couple of weeks as well, and the last pill I took was exactly 7 days ago today. Odd, but I've found that anti-d's kind of numb my emotions....the good and the bad. While I think I originally needed it in order to function at work (after the 'move out'), I am now happy to get off it, because I can once again feel joy. Of course, I feel more sadness as well (cried at the end of the movie "Elf" last night because I wanted a family of my own <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> - ugh, pathetic).....but happy to not be numb!

Hang in there, weaver. Very, VERY proud of you for quitting the smoking and the wine. That takes a really strong resolve, and I bet you will do just fine. The best message I ever got was from a book called "Conscious Loving" and it said to simply feel your feelings. It's OK to feel sad. It's OK to feel down. It's OK to feel stuck. But it's OK to feel happy also. It really struck me that feelings are usually temporary, and if you realize that they are sticking around too long, then that's when you need to take action with your life.

How are you doing btw? Aside from the sensory overload ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I so understand what you're talking about!)


Again, thank you everybody. I'm still disappointed in myself, but maybe that will motivate me to be stronger next time....

Dont beat yourself up over it dear.

You know, this brings up a good idea for a thread. We all know that when a WS goes NC with OP they go through withdraw. I havent seen much about the withdraw the BS goes through. And thats exactly what it is.

LIT - Don't even worry about your little slip at all. Most people on Plan B have a slip or two. I know exactly how you feel. I have a whole drawer full of letters from WH telling me blah, blah, blah. There is never any action though. That's what you have to look for.

Now when I get a letter, I read it and throw it in the drawer. It doesn't bother me at all.

If you feel like you might take him back someday without real changes, just post here. I almost did last Christmas, and got tons of support and NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOs.