I am meeting with a mediator to discuss the divorce I do not want next week and want to try to settle financial stuff with my WH withOUT bringing a lawyer into it....this is my letter to him. Any suggestions? I have not sent it yet as I am waiting on advice from a lawyer.

Dear WH,

Just wanted to give you a heads up that I most likely will be sitting down with MEDIATORY next week if we can coordinate a time. There is one thing I want to discuss with you before I meet with MEDIATOR; it involves the 20k I gave you at the beginning of the summer. In talking with some lawyers (not formally), I now know that this was not a fair transaction and would desire this money be given back to me. While this amount represents 1/2 of what I made the first part of the year, it does not include tax deductions as a business owner so I will be penalized about a third of this amount. Furthermore, I have peace of mind knowing that you have settled into your new place and your new improved income is more than sufficient to live comfortably. Anyways, I have a better idea as to what is fair after talking with several professionals. I know I was very emotionally unstable this summer when I handed you the check and at that point I wanted you to be able to seek out your own space comfortably but with the intention that we would still work on our marriage together. But as I tried to reach out as means to communicate ways we could improve our marriage, you didn't take my hand once. It is a big wake up...I realize you desire to be with someone else right now and therefore divorce seems like the right thing to do. I will never understand your decisions but have learned to accept them and move forward with my life. I really don't want to bring in a lawyer nor do I want to cause you any strife but I do believe in following through on what is right. If you'd rather sit down and talk rather than dealing via e-mail, let me know. I will be leaving town Dec 17-27th for the holidays.

Hope you had a nice weekend,

ME

Thanks,

Me: 28 yo FW
Him: 31 yo WH
Married: 3.5 years
His Affair: Started fall 03 and continues
D-Day: May 22, 2004; he immediately left me
Plan A thru October, Plan B thru November, Plan D, divorce, has begun <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Please don't describe yourself as "emotionally unstable" in anything in writing. Say instead that you "gave the money under duress" which implies stress rather than psychosis. Aside from that....I urge you not to send this letter at all. Please allow the mediator to address the 20,000 in his session with your H...that's their job.

Please check out the mediation information on this site. Click your state....and then read the articles provided to get a good overview of how it works and functions.

http://www.divorcemag.com/cgi-bin/r...ion;/cgi-bin/show.cgi?template=mediation

<small>[ December 05, 2004, 10:48 AM: Message edited by: star*fish ]</small>

Thanks SF...this is exactly what I needed to hear as I was doubting whether or not I should send it.

Had to redo the link.....so the states would come up....try it again because the other link was for Alabama.

hugs!

Thanks...am reading the site as we speak ( :

Have a nice Sunday
-K